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“I can’t help it,” I say with a sniff.
He touches his tongue to the tears. “Don’t be sad.”
“I’m not sad. I’m so incredibly happy.”
Our gazes lock, and for a moment I can’t breathe as he looks into my eyes, moving inside me. I know this is a mistake, I know I’m going to regret it, but right now I’m just so fucking happy, I don’t care. I’m so glad he kissed me. Oh my God, I’m so fucking relieved.
“Hux,” I whisper, bottom lip trembling, and he says, “I know,” and kisses me again. I can feel his body taking over his attempts to go slowly, as he lifts up onto his hands and thrusts harder, and it’s so surreal, with the rocking of the boat and the glitter of the starlight on his skin, and oh fuck, I’m going to come, and Huxley crushes his mouth to mine as everything tightens inside so I know I’m crying out, but I can’t stop as the beautiful pulses claim me.
“Ah Jesus,” he says, his body stiffening, and I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly as he comes inside me.
When we’re done, he opens his eyes, and I wonder whether they’re going to show regret. But they don’t. All I can see in them is affection.
He kisses me. “Hey, you.”
“Hey, you.” I brush my fingers over his skin. “Mack will be pleased.”
That makes him laugh, and then he winces and withdraws. “Lie still,” he instructs. “Knees up.”
I pull my knees to my chest and clasp them, rolling my head to look over at him as he stretches out on his side beside me, trying not to fall off the edge of the bed. He pulls the duvet over us, then props his head on a hand, and we lie there quietly, looking at each other.
“This isn’t why I got into bed with you,” I tell him.
“I know. Seems a shame to waste the lovin’ spoonful, though.” He smiles.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper.
He lifts a hand, picks up a strand of my hair, and lets it slide through his fingers. “I’ve missed you too.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I say, tired and muddled.
“Join the club. We’ve got jackets.”
“About England—” I begin, but he shakes his head, and I stop.
“Not now,” he says. “You don’t have to say anything.” I bite my lip, and he brushes his thumb over it, making me release it from my teeth. “We’re grownups,” he says gently, “sort of, aren’t we? And we’re best friends. We both know what’s going on here. I love you, and I’m pretty sure you love me. But you’ve been hurt, and you have your career and your need to help other people, but I love that about you. It’s complicated, and that’s okay, I’m coming to terms with that. Elizabeth… I’ll take whatever you can give me. And if it’s just today, right here, right now, that’s all right.”
My eyes brim with tears. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Yeah, I know.” He smiles, then leans forward and kisses me. “Turn over,” he says when he moves back, “and I’ll give you a hug.”
I roll onto my side facing away from him, and he moves up close to me.
“Actually this might backfire on me,” he says, pressing his groin against my butt.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“Thank you.” He wraps his arms around me and slides a hand beneath my arm, onto my belly. Then he kisses my shoulder. “I hope it’s worked this time.”
“It would make things much more complicated,” I whisper.
“I know. But in the end, pregnancy would trump everything, wouldn’t it? Everything else would pale into insignificance if we made a baby. Wherever you were in the world, I’d know there was a little piece of me with you always. Or until he grew up and went to university, anyway.”
“He?” I say, trying to hide my emotion at the thought of having his son.
“A little Huxley running around causing havoc. I quite like that idea.” He yawns and nuzzles my neck. “I hope I impregnated you.”
“Oh you’re so romantic.”
