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She pauses, the words lingering between us. “Your father?”
“The scars,” I explain, my voice almost too faint to hear.
Another stuttered breath leaves her lips, and slowly, she returns to her work. “I’m so sorry, Mercedes.”
We leave it at that, and I don’t know why, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This burden I’ve been carrying for so long has been heavy, but even just acknowledging it helps. And in a way, it feels like the playing field has been leveled now. Ivy knows my vulnerability, just as I’ve known hers.
We settle into a comfortable silence as she finishes with my hair, and I use the sponge to wash my body. It’s exhausting and time consuming, and it only gets harder as I exit the tub and she wraps me in a robe before drying my hair and leading me back to the bedroom.
The bed is already calling me back, but Ivy has other plans, taking me to the small table and chair and sitting me down to eat.
“Try to finish half of it,” she suggests. “It will help you get some energy back.”
To my surprise, a small tendril of hunger curls in my stomach when I smell the gnocchi soup. They’ve forced me to eat something small every day, but it’s been mostly broth and smoothies. Things I could consume with little effort. Today’s meal is one of my favorites that Antonia used to make me often. It takes longer to eat, but as I do, I start to feel some of the fog clearing from my head.
“Is Santi still angry?” I ask between bites.
Ivy shifts on the chair next to me, and I know that’s a yes. But she tries to soften the blow. “He’ll get over it. He has no choice. I think more than anything, he’s hurt. He feels betrayed by Judge, and he’s worried about your future.”
“I’m going to be okay,” I tell her, and for the first time in days, I feel it’s true. There will always be a part of me that’s emptier without Judge. A broken, hollow part of me that aches for him. Though I have no choice but to move forward for my children.
“I know you will,” Ivy answers with a reassuring smile. “I’ll be here for you, no matter what.”
“Thank you.” I dip my head to hide the emotion in my eyes. “That means a lot to me.”
“Your friend Solana has been in contact,” she informs me. “I’ve been giving her and Georgie progress updates.”
“Oh.” I set the spoon aside and stare at the remaining soup, too full to finish. “I need to contact her. I’m sure they’ve been worried sick.”
“You can use my phone.” Ivy holds it up in offer. “Anytime you want to talk to them.”
I nod at her, grateful. “Maybe after dinner. I need some time to prepare.”
A smile curves her lips, and she dips her head in understanding. “Okay. Tonight then. I’m going to leave you to rest, but only for an hour. And then I’m going to bring Elena in here, and we’re going to do some online baby shopping and put a dent in your brother’s credit card.”
I laugh at the idea, but it fades away quickly as I consider the looming conversation I’ve yet to have with him.
Ivy hands me some books and magazines to keep me busy if I want them, and then heads for the door. But before she closes it, I stop her.
“Hey, Ivy?”
“Yeah?” She turns to look at me.
“It isn’t baby, as in singular. I’m having twins.”
“Oh, my god.” She claps a hand over her mouth to cover her small shriek. “Twins?”
I smile too, the excitement on her face contagious. “Yep. I’m really in it now.”
Her eyes brighten, and I can practically see the wheels turning in her mind as she speaks. “Okay, we have a lot to do. Names. First, we need some books for those. And then baby shower planning. Oh my god, nursery themes…” Her voice trails off as she shakes her head as if to stop herself. “You get some rest. I’ll be back with books. And a notepad. Oh, and desserts!”
And just like that, she whirls from the room, leaving me there with a strange new warmth in my chest. It isn’t quite happiness, but I think it’s something I need more right now. I think it’s relief.
The following week passes in a blur with Ivy keeping me busy. Every morning, she comes to my room with sweet Elena, allowing me to hold her and love on her while she makes plans for an upcoming baby shower… date unknown.
Neither one of us has mentioned the small hurdle that I have yet to talk to my brother, but we both know it’s coming. Every day, I’m getting stronger. I’m feeling more like myself again, only a different version. My chest still aches every time I think of Judge, so I try not to think about him, although it’s impossible to do at times.
At night, I talk to Georgie and Solana on the phone, and they are both just as excited as Ivy to help me prepare for the arrival of my babies. They’ve asked when they can visit me, but I tell them I’m not sure yet. And when I indulged my masochistic side by asking how Judge was when they saw him, I was met with a lingering silence on the line before Solana told me he looked like hell. She then proceeded to tell me she was firmly team Mercedes, as if that was a thing, and he probably deserved it. But even as she said it, I could hear the slight, unwanted pang of sympathy in her voice. I told her there didn’t need to be sides on this one, and admitted that no matter what, I will always love Judge.
