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“You want some dessert?” Sam inched his hand higher while keeping a completely straight face.
His hand wasn’t anywhere that crossed any lines just yet, but it crossed all ofourlines. I shifted to face him and sucked in a deep breath when one of his fingers brushed the seam of my jeans, right over my core. Sam’s gaze was unwavering, but I could see a bead of sweat forming on his forehead, under a few ringlets that had fallen into his face. Seeing that he wasn’t as cool and calm as he was pretending to be actually settled some of my own nerves.
I swallowed and put my hand over his. “I need to tell you something.”
He raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Go ahead.”
What I had to tell him, the truth about what I’d done with Cyrus and Jude, terrified me. I hadn’t felt the need to clarify to Cyrus or Jude what I’d done with the other, because I didn’t feel like they’d care, for whatever reason. Sam was different, though. I just knew. If I was going to let his hand move any higher, if I was going to kiss him the way I was dying to, I had to tell him everything first. He would want to know and I couldn’t stand the thought of him being hurt by me.
“Things changed after that kiss.” I looked down at where his hand gripped my thigh and blinked away more of that unwelcome burning at the back of my eyes. “With all of us. With Cyrus and Jude.”
Sam hooked his finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. “You can tell me anything, Poppy.”
“I don’t know what happened or why and I don’t feel good saying this because I think I might sound like a loose woman, but I can’t touch you without you knowing the truth. I slept with them. After that kiss. It just happened, and now I feel like I was keeping a secret from you, but I wasn’t. I just didn’t know what to say or when to say it and I didn’t think you would— ”
Sam pressed his finger to my lips. “Stop talking, Poppy.”
I closed my eyes and nodded. “Yep. That makes sense. Okay.”
“Let’s not talk about this here.” He let me go and slid out of the booth. “Come on, Poppy. I’ll drive us home.”
I bit my tongue and moved toward the exit while he paid the bill. I wrapped my arms around myself and stepped out into the muggy night air, letting it settle over me while I pondered how badly I’d just upset Sam.
When he came out of the bar he guided me toward his truck with his hand on my back. He was silent until we reached the passenger side door. Then, instead of opening the door, he pinned me against it with his fists on either side of my head. “I need you to stop looking so fucking devastated. I’m not mad or upset with you, Poppy. I’m working through some anger, yeah, but none of it’s at you.”
I searched his face for answers to questions I didn’t even know how to formulate yet. The stern set of his jaw and the way his brow was furrowed so deeply made me want to smooth over his anger.
“I’m going to drive us home, and when we get there I’m going to walk into my house without touching you again.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead into my shoulder. “Whether you follow me or not is up to you.”
I nervously rested my hands on his sides. “Do you…do you want me to?”
He made a pained sound and pushed himself away from me. His stare was just as strong as a touch. “For about the last sixteen years, Poppy.”
My stomach erupted with butterflies. Surprise silenced me as I watched him but my mind was loud with chaos. Sixteen years. I pressed my hand to my stomach and let out a shaky breath.
“Get in the truck, Poppy.” Backing even farther away, Sam pulled his hands down his face. “Please.”
I opened the door and climbed inside, just to have Sam push the door closed and walk around without saying another word. I watched him on the short drive home and tried to work through my thoughts. It was useless, though. I couldn’t get past the image of his need, so clear and present on his face. A need that existed for me.
Sam parked in his drive and turned off the truck. Without glancing over at me, he got out and stood just outside. “You’re my best friend, no matter what, Poppy.”
I thrust open my door and rushed after him. He was already walking through his front door when I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and pressed my face into his back. Sucking in a deep breath, I held on tight. “Don’t close me out.”
He let out a shuddering breath. “Never. Shut the door, Poppy.”
28
***Poppy***
Ipushedthedoorshut and leaned against it, so full of nerves that a part of me wanted to run just to escape them. As I watched him, Sam walked over to his coffee table and emptied his pockets before gripping the top buttons of his shirt. He only got the first button undone before I was in front of him, gently pushing his hands away so I could take over. My fingers shook and it took me longer than it should’ve to undo each button, but Sam stood patiently the whole time.
His chest rose and fell steadily and his eyes were intense as he watched me. I could feel his stare like a physical touch and when I finished the last button and met his eyes, my entire body shuddered. A needy whimper came from me and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Don’t.” Sam cupped the side of my head and stroked his thumb over my lips. “Don’t look away. Don’t hide a thing from me, Poppy.”
I blinked up at him and struggled to hold eye contact. He was laying me bare somehow and I felt too exposed. He’d barely touched me and already I felt stripped naked and laid out, completely vulnerable. I didn’t know how to admit that, or what it meant, so I pretended it wasn’t happening.
I reached shaking hands into the open front of his shirt and flattened my palms on his chest. His skin was hot and his chest hair coarse under my touch. I could feel his heart beating wildly under my hand. “I’ve never…I’ve never touched you here.”
