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I want to laugh and cry and don’t even know what to do with myself. I groan and open the door to see a shining pair of puppy eyes and a wagging tail but no Sergio.
Together, we look through the bag he brought.
“Why, this was awfully thoughtful of him, wasn’t it?” I ask Daisy. I lay out a dog collar and brush, shampoo, disposable puppy pads, and a few rugged dog bones. Daisy takes right to them.
Still, I can’t help feeling that something is off here. I can’t put a stopper on the guilt that floods through me.
While Daisy sleeps, I head to the one place where I can control what I do—the kitchen.
I check my rising bread and the cake that’s waiting to be frosted. I check the marinating chicken and pre-cut vegetables. I check the simmering broth and the wine list. And when I see that everything’s ready for the evening, I head to the dish rack to hand-wash the dishes.
They have people who do the dishes, and they have a fancy, high-speed dishwasher. But sometimes I need to occupy myself.
I remember being in here with Sergio.
I remember how he didn’t get angry with me for breaking the jar.
I remember how Seth did. How my father did. How I was punished when I didn’t obey perfectly. How hard I tried to be perfect and how I always,alwaysfailed.
I lift one of the dishes in my hand.
My marriage to Seth was arranged. I know literallynothingabout romance and dating and falling in love.
The only thing that I do know is that love is forbidden.
I also know I have absolutely no more control over this than I do over my own heart beating.
I drop the plate to the floor and watch it shatter.
The heat in my chest and my pounding heart make me nauseous. I swallow bile and breathe in deeply. I draw in another deep breath and close my eyes, letting my instinctive need to protect myself rise.
I exhale.
No one is going to punish you.
The shards of broken glass glitter on the floor.
No one is coming to hurt you.
I drop another plate.
“Eden?” Flo stands in the doorway, dressed in a tight-fitting, white lacy dress, her hair piled dangerously high on top of her head, ready to come loose with one firm shake. “You okay, doll?”
Are you okay?
Where I come from, a woman dressed like her would be eviscerated, sentenced to punishment by exile for tempting the eyes of others with her provocative clothes. But here, in this world… they love her.
“I’m fine,” I say, a bit guilty that I broke the dishes on purpose. I’ll replace it.
“Ah, well, don’t I know how that goes. You know, me and my first husband had to eat off paper plates after only a month of being married.”
She grabs a broom and starts sweeping.
“Why?”
“Oh, I threw the regular plates at him whenever I got angry… which was all the time. And glass don’t bounce, sweetheart. Go, I’ll clean this up. You have a big night tonight.” She gives me a wink. “I heard you’ve got a little something something to look after?”
One thing about this family—nothing goes unnoticed.
