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I’d wounded Vanna’s spirit, and if I never saw this look in her eyes again, it would be much too soon.
“Vanna,” I said hoarsely. “We need to talk.”
She folded her arms in front of her obstinately. “About what, Chase? About the fact that you don’t even want to be with me long enough to eat dinner? Or about the fact that you haven’t touched me or even kissed me in two weeks? Or maybe about the fact that you don’t even seem to acknowledge that I exist in the same house that you do? Or possibly about the fact that you barely speak to me anymore, even though I’ve tried repeatedly to get you to tell me what’s wrong?”
Okay, there was the fury, and I could handle that a lot better than the sadness.
I’d rather she be pissed off than hurt any day of the week.
But then, a single tear rolled down her cheek, and it broke me.
I felt completely gutted.
I couldn’t fucking ignore the pain I’d caused her, and I didn’t want to. I had to find a way to make it right somehow.
“You can’t leave,” I croaked as I reached out for her hand.
She pulled away and backed up.
That hurt, but I knew I more than deserved her disdain right now.
“I doubt you’ll ever even notice that I’m gone,” she bantered furiously.
“Bullshit!” I bellowed. “I’m fucking in love with you, Vanna. I’ll admit it, I got scared. After what happened with Kruger, I had no idea if I could keep you safe in the future with my high-profile name and face. Don’t you know that if something happened to you, I wouldn’t want to live on this Earth anymore? But there’s a problem with that, because I don’t want to livewithoutyou when you’re still on this Earth, either. So I’m totally fucked.”
Her expression softened ever so slightly, but she wasn’t about to give in. “You think you love me?” she asked cautiously, her expression still wary.
“No! IknowI love you, Vanna. Probably have since Vegas. Hell, maybe it was even before that and I was in denial,” I corrected.
“You certainly haven’t acted that way for the last two weeks,” she said suspiciously.
“I know,” I said remorsefully. “And I’m more sorry about that than you’ll ever know.”
“Are you?” she questioned, her gaze still livid. “Do you have any idea what all of this has done to me? I’ve turned myself inside out, wondering what in the hell was wrong withmebecause you wouldn’t even talk to me—”
“Jesus, Vanna. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re so goddamn perfect that it scares the shit out of me sometimes—”
She held a hand up. “Stop! I’m not done. I’ve always been anall inorall outkind of woman. Sometimes it takes me a while to commit to something or someone, but once I do, I’m going to give it everything I’ve got. I was scared, too, in the beginning. I held back. I didn’t want to hope for things that would never happen between the two of us. But the moment you made yourself vulnerable to me by taking off all of your clothing in the middle of the kitchen to show me those scars, I wasall in, dammit! Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to live in a world without you in it, either?”
I shook my head slowly, both stunned and ensnared by her passionate wrath.
Oh, she was entitled to it and more, but I’d never seen Vanna quite this upset and furious before.
“Well,” she said, her voice starting to waver. “I did feel that way. Furthermore, I’ve also gained eight pounds from stress eating a truckload of junk food over this situation, and I’m about to lose the ability to button my jeans. So I need to give it up before I need a new wardrobe. Even poor Axel is gaining weight because he has no problem commiserating by eating those cookies with me. That’s why I really…need to go.”
“You look beautiful,” I told her, and I meant it. “Don’t go, Vanna. I love you.”
Hell, I’d buy her whatever size new wardrobe she wanted as long as she stayed.
Tears began to pour down her face as she asked hesitantly, “Do you really mean that? I don’t even know anymore.”
I felt sucker punched that she actually doubted me, but I’d brought that distrust on myself.
Vannahadgiven me everything, and in return I’d given her reason to be this damn uncertain.
Fuck it!
I pulled the ring I’d gotten her out of the pocket of my sweatpants and handed her the box. “I’ve had this ring for almost a month now. I was going to ask you to marry me when we got home from dinner the night of the attack. I had to wait a while to get it custom-made from diamonds that came from the best Montgomery mine. They’re quality, and I couldn’t give you anything but the best.”
