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“LOLA!” cried Alex, and I shivered to hear my name said like that, called after me, like it had been me who’d left him, who’d abandoned him, and not the other way around…
But there was nowhere to go. At a four-way intersection, I stopped, turned, and saw Alex, jostling amongst the crowd behind me. The rain had gently slicked his hair, and he looked more gorgeous than ever. But the sight of him following me gave me chills.
“Lola,” he said, and stepped towards me. “It’s been…years.”
He’d opened his arms and was reaching for me. For a moment, I thought about what it would be like for him to wrap them around me once again, after all these years of wanting him. Even though I hated myself for wanting him. Even though I could never forgive him for what he’d done.
“Don’t touch me!” I barked, and I was astonished at the power in my own voice. Alex looked like he’d just been slapped in the face.
“Are you okay, lady?” said a guy behind me.
“This guy bothering you?” said another, looking Alex up and down. He looked quite the picture in his dark suit and designer tie, his hair neatly combed and gelled into place. His trimmed stubble. There was no denying that he was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. But his eyes had gone cold once again.
Alex turned. “Fine,” he rumbled, and began to go. This was it. This was what I wanted, wasn’t it? I’d never see him again.
“Wait,” I called.
He turned around.
“Can we talk?” I said.
***
“So,” said Alex.
“So,” I said, finding my smile.Time to put on a smile, I heard my mom say from the back of my mind.
Back in Wisconsin, it was lunchtime. I thought happy thoughts, about the family table covered with mashed potatoes, cornbread. But before I could find my happy place, I had to ask again. To make sure I wasn’t dreaming.
“You own it?” I said, tentatively.
Alex nodded. “About five years now. We’re pretty happy with it. What did you think?”
I tried to steel myself to be polite. “It’s incredible. Really, Alex, that’s so impressive. I can’t imagine—I mean, you must be very proud.”
“What about you, Lola? You’re waitressing now?” said Alex.
“Yeah,” I said, startled from my dream. “Well, for the last couple of years. For a while, I worked as a housekeeper, cleaner. Maid. All kinds of stuff. ”
“What about your music?” said Alex, and I felt my body tense.
“I had to give it up,” I said.
“Why?” Alex said, incredulously.
“These things come and go,” I twittered, still smiling. Keeping a happy face on. Even though I felt like the slightest pressure would crack the happy picture I presented into a hundred shards and reveal a tired, desperate mother in need of the next paycheck.
“For some people, maybe,” huffed Alex. “Not for me.”
I didn’t say anything. It was easy for Alex to be devoted to his career, of course. But not for me. I had other responsibilities. How could I even begin to explain to him?
“Life doesn’t always pan out the way you want it to,” I said. “But I’ll get back on top one day. Just you wait!”
“If I’m unhappy with something in my life…” grunted Alex, “…I change it. Plain and simple. That’s how I got where I am.”
I felt a little hurt by that, and tried to remember what I knew about Alex. I’d heard about him from time to time, of course. I’d once seen him in the papers, even heard about him on the street. I guess I knew where the money had come from that Alex had sent me. He was rich: richer than I could even guess. But I’d never once thought of contacting him after the letter arrived. I didn’t know what I’d do when I saw him again. But now, I was beginning to realize that there was another reason I’d never contacted Alex. It was that I preferred remembering him as he’d been in Bali.
Because the man sitting in front of me right now seemed like an arrogant jerk, to be perfectly honest.
