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I don’t reply. I’m hoping it’ll make him nervous. I’m angry that he never told me about Dad. I understand that he wants to protect me, but I’m tired of being treated like a child.
Alex’s house is one of six modern, bespoke homes on a private country estate not far from Hagley Park. I punch the code in on the gate, then walk the short distance to his house. He’s waiting by the front door, leaning on the door jamb with his hands in his pockets, and he frowns as I walk up.
“You all right?” he asks. His gaze slips down me, taking in the fact that I’m still in the dress I wore yesterday. My face burns at what it implies, but he just says, “Did you stay with Mum last night?”
I clear my throat. Talk about a guilty complex. “Yeah.”
“Okay. Come in.”
I follow him into the house, and across the large living room to the spacious kitchen. It looks out onto a generous deck and a well-manicured lawn. Beyond it, the Avon is a curling ribbon. The house also has its own pool, which glitters a deep blue in the sunlight.
“I was just making a Spanish omelet,” he says, taking the pan off the heat and sliding the omelet onto a plate. “You want one?”
It smells amazing, but I’m too anxious to eat. “No thanks. I need to ask you something.”
Folding his arms, he leans against the counter. “Okay.” His hair is sticking up, and he needs a shave. He’s wearing a faded tee and a scruffy pair of track pants, and he’s barefoot. He’s a good-looking guy, though, smart and hardworking. If only he wasn’t so grumpy, he might be able to find himself a girl who’ll put up with him.
I take a deep breath. “Mum told me last night that Dad was having an affair with Sherry before she slept with Tom. Dad cheated first.” Emotion rushes through me again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Silence falls between us. Alex is staring at me.
“Oh my God,” I whisper. “You didn’t know.”
“No,” he says. “I didn’t.”
“Does Gaby?”
“I have no idea. Probably not. She’s never mentioned it, anyway.”
I wrap my arms around myself, biting my lip hard so I don’t cry. “Mum said Dad blames her for what happened. And she blames herself too. That’s why she left, Alex. He told her to go, and she thinks it was all her fault.” I press my fingers to my lips as they tremble. Suddenly, I miss Damon with every bone in my body.
Alex sighs, then he comes over and puts his arms around me. “Jesus. I wish I’d known,” he mumbles. “It explains a lot.”
I turn my head and rest my cheek on his chest. We don’t cuddle often. He’s not as big as Damon, but he still smells nice. “I thought you would have heard them arguing about it,” I whisper.
“I never heard either of them mention it. They always argued about her career.”
“She said she hadn’t slept with Dad for a year before, because of her depression. She said she drove him into Sherry’s arms.”
He sighs again. “They obviously only talked about that when they were alone.”
“He cheated first, Alex. I don’t know why, but I feel so shocked by that. I’ve spent all this time blaming her for their marriage ending. I’m so confused.”
He rests his lips on the top of my head. “I guess nobody’s innocent in a breakup.”
“He let us blame her, though. For years and years.”
“Yeah. He should have told us the truth. But I guess he was trying to protect us. Protect you, especially. He was angry, Belle. He still is. He’s your father, and he wasn’t able to keep you safe. Can you imagine how that makes him feel? How it makesmefeel?”
We fall quiet. I listen to his heart, which is racing, even though he appears calm.
We’ve never really spoken about it, me, Alex, and Gaby. It fucked all of us up. We all went to therapy, and I’m sure the therapist told them the same as she told me—that we should talk about it, get all the anger and resentment out in the open, but we never did. Alex tried a few times, but I always backed away from the conversation. His words though,How it makes me feel?tell me that I’m sure he feels he abandoned me as well, because he stayed in Wellington to go to university.
“Incidentally,” he says, “Damon told me that he had to throw Cole out of your house. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I move back, and he lowers his arms. “I didn’t want to worry you. It wasn’t a big thing. Damon was great and very sweet, but I’d have handled it if he hadn’t been there.”
“I’m glad he was.”
