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My mouth has gone dry. “What did he say?”
To my shock, Damon’s lips curve up a little. “He pretty much gave us his blessing,” he says softly.
My jaw drops. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus. I thought you were going to say he gave you an ultimatum—me or him.”
He lifts one eyebrow. “I think he understands that if he did that, he’d be losing a friend and a business partner.”
“Yeah, but I…” My voice trails off. “Wait, what?” I can’t have heard that right. There’s no way Damon would choose being with me over his friendship and working relationship with his best mate.
“There’s no competition, Belle. I love Alex like a brother, but I love you more.” He smiles.
Now I’m speechless.
We study each other for a good thirty seconds. I thought he’d be thrilled that Alex doesn’t mind us dating, but he’s not exactly swinging me around in his arms. Something’s still bothering him.
“Are you worried about the job offer?” I say softly. “Because you needn’t be. I’m not planning to take it. Sydney was fun, but I don’t want to leave New Zealand.”
He blows out a long breath, then studies his feet. Eventually, he looks up, walks over to me, and takes my hand. “Come with me.”
He leads me into the living room, and gestures for me to sit on the sofa. Then he sits beside me.
“What’s going on?” I say, starting to get nervous.
“Alex told me,” he says. “About Tom.”
I go completely cold.
“He had no right to do that,” I whisper. I drop my gaze to where my hands are twisting in my lap.
When Damon speaks, his voice is very gentle. “He knows you’re going to be angry with him. But he said he didn’t think you’d tell me, and he wanted me to know so that I can support you, if you need me to. He told me because he wants us to work out, Belle.”
Bile rises in my throat. “I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to talk about it. And I didn’t want you to look at me differently.”
“Well, I’m afraid I do see you differently now.”
My bottom lip trembles. My body is rigid, as I fight to hold in my emotion. Inside, I’m screaming, no, no, no!
He reaches out a hand, tucks a finger beneath my chin, and lifts it so I’m looking into his eyes. To my shock, they’re full of kindness.
“I’ve always admired you,” he says. “I thought you were clever and quirky and fun. But knowing what I know now… Belle, I’m absolutely astounded. You experienced something terrible, at such a young age, but you haven’t let it define you. You’ve grown into a beautiful, bubbly, strong, confident woman, who could be, I’m sure, a fantastic lawyer, and yet you also have this inner magic, the Marilyn Monroe effect, that gives you this gift with children, and that spills over into all your relationships. I’ve watched you interacting with your friends and family, and you radiate warmth and generosity. You have a beautiful soul, Belle. You’re special, and I love you so much for being so strong.”
I’m so stunned, I can only stare at him.
“You don’t have to talk to me about it,” he clarifies. “It’s in the past, and I’m not your therapist. We never have to mention it again, if you don’t want to. But I need you to know that I’m here for you. If ever you want to talk, or if you just want a hug, you don’t have to explain, but I’ll be there. Because I love you.”
“I thought that if you found out, you’d see me as tainted somehow,” I tell him. “And I thought you’d force me to go through what happened. I didn’t want to do that ten years ago, and I don’t want to do it now. It’s not that I want to pretend it didn’t happen. But you’re right, I don’t want it to define me. I don’t want to rake over the coals every week with a therapist, and I don’t want to talk about it with my friends and family. I don’t want them, or you, to see me as the abused girl. Does that make sense?”
He nods. “I went to therapy after Christian died, and a couple of times since. Sometimes it helps to talk. Mainly when I want someone to say yeah, you’ve had it tough, and it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, to be angry or resentful or whatever. But I don’t think it’s the answer to everything. For some people it is, and that’s great. But as you say, constantly going over it isn’t right for everyone. Once you’ve accepted what’s happened, I think it’s okay to want to move on, and to find a way to heal.”
My eyes sting at the realization that he understands. He’s the first person who hasn’t told me that talking will only make it better.
