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That’s if he evenwantsto choose me. I can’t allow myself to imagine that scenario. He’d have nothing if he was with me. He’d lose his dream and ruin the relationship he has with his family.
I’d be his ruin.
My heart clenches. I dry my hand on the towel hanging over the side of the tub and pick up my phone, opening the app for the speaker system. I turn Nate’s voice off and click through the files until I find what I’m looking for. I’ll regret this, it’ll only make me feel worse. But I’m doing it anyway. Icraveit.
I take a slow breath and press play.
Logan’s voice floats from the speaker as he talks in fluent Italian. I don’t know what he’s saying. Things about Vex. It doesn’t matter. He could recite the periodic table and my body would still tingle from head to toe like it is now.
I take another sip of wine and slip my free hand beneath the water, inhaling sharply as my fingertips brush my swollen clit. A few words out of his mouth and I’m already aching for him. I squeeze my eyes shut as I slide my fingers over myself and imagine they’re his. I rub myself, tilting my head to one side, exposing my neck, imagining his lips there, kissing, sucking, tasting, whispering words that turn me on so much.
My orgasm creeps up on me fast as Logan’s voice fills my ears. My body jolts in the water, causing my glass to tilt in my hand. The wine is swallowed up by the water as it spills out. I murmur his name, my voice cracking as my cheeks burn beneath a wetness that’s too salty to be bathwater.
I look at the speaker disc on the wall as he laughs. It’s full and soothing. A direct contrast to the empty, painful tears spilling from my eyes.
Hearing the happiness in his voice as he talks about the project, about his dream, it’s too much. I grab my phone and turn the audio off, then drop it onto the bathmat.
Silence engulfs the room.
He’s so close to losing everything. It’s not fair. None of it is fair.
My phone rings. I sit up in the water, hope making my stomach flutter. It could be Logan calling to say he’s found a way to save the business. Something that means he won’t lose his dream. I want him to have it. He deserves it and so much more.
Please.
I frown at the name on the screen before I answer.
“Nate?”
“Maddy? How are you?”
“I’m good. And you?”
“Glad to hear it. I’m great. I wanted to ask if you’re free to have dinner with me?”
Chapter 30
Maddy
Natesmilesatmeacross the table. We’ve met at an Italian restaurant. I didn’t have the heart to ask if we could meet somewhere else.Anywhere else. It would have meant having to explain to him why anything Italian might result in me crying into my purse right now.
“Maddy, I’m glad you said yes to dinner.”
“Of course. Thank you for asking me.” I place my napkin down, unable to stomach another mouthful of Tiramisu. It’s not his fault. He’s been wonderful company, but I’ve struggled to keep my mind from wandering away from our conversation. Wandering to Logan. To what he’s doing. How he’s feeling. What’s happening with work. Is he getting any closer to finding a magic solution.Is he happy.
Nate’s eyes sparkle as he rests his hand on top of the table between us. “I just knew when we met before that we—”
A flash of familiar light brown over by the bar catches the corner of my eye and I tune out from Nate once more as I glance over, searching for the source. My heart rate picks up, ever hopeful. But I’m wrong. It’s not him.
“I’m sorry.” I turn back to Nate, my stomach dropping. “I thought I saw someone I knew.” I take a sip of my wine, but it does nothing to ease the flutters in my stomach from thinking he was here. “Could you please excuse me? I’m going to go to the ladies’ room.”
I stand and pick up my purse, then weave through the tables filled with couples on dates. The restaurant is beautiful. Intimate and romantic. Each white linen tablecloth is set with a single rose and candle. There’s soft music playing and twinkling fairy lights strung around. They remind me of the starry night sky in the open foyer of Logan’s house. That night together on the island was… I inhale deeply. I can’t think about it. About what he said.“If this is hate, then I never need to fall in love.”
I scan the bar area as I pass. But he’s not there. My stomach sinks again as I leave the main room and push through the door that leads to the ladies’ room.
“You enjoying your date, Smiles?”
I turn, the air leaving my lungs as I see his face.
