AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Oh, shit,” I hear myself whisper.
Etienne rarely comes around during the winter holidays, so my brain is struggling to connect his physical presence in this moment. I’m getting an error message in the back of my head, staring at him as I try to find a reason for why I’m here. But the damage is already done, I realize, as I notice the sleeping bag next to the shop counter. Assuming nobody would be around, I didn’t bother to put it away, along with any other trace of my squatting in the store indefinitely.
My blood runs cold, stiffening my veins as I look into his eyes.
“Selina,” he finally says. “What are you doing here?”
“What… um, what are you doing here?” I manage, horrified by the tremor in my voice.
“I’m in town for a couple of days, and I needed to stop by and pick up a few things from the back office,” he replies, raising a curious eyebrow. “What about you? You’re supposed to be taking time off with the rest of the team. We’re closed for the holidays. You know that.”
“I… I do know that.” I stare at the floor.
My eyes are stinging. My throat closes up, and I fail to find the words needed to properly explain my situation. The catastrophe unfolds in my head, the repercussions swiftly rumbling through in the form of the worst-case scenario now coming true. The damage is done, and I’m pretty sure there’s no coming back from this. One of the store employees has been sleeping here. And the boss just caught her. How the hell do I fix this?
“Selina, is that a sleeping bag?” Etienne asks, staring at my makeshift bed.
“Um…”
“You’re not in uniform, either. What is going on here?”
“I… I’m… I have nothing to say in my defense.” My shoulders droop, the hole in my stomach getting bigger and deeper, the pain shooting through my torso as I struggle to keep my chin up.
What I wouldn’t give for lightning to just strike me down in this very moment and put me out of my misery. Things weren’t supposed to get to this point. I was supposed to be stronger, smarter, better adapted to the hurdles that life was bound to cast along my path. I should’ve known since the night I asked Maddie to come pick me up from that stupid house party. I should’ve known from the moment the doctors told us that she didn’t make it. I should’ve known that fate would find a way to make me pay for my selfishness.
The bill is still running—adding and subtracting and further breaking me down.
While I was in Aspen, I had moments where I believed things would somehow work out. I had peace of mind and three men who I thought were ready to hold me forever. I had a smile on my face, warmth in my bed, and the promise of a better tomorrow. I had a song in my heart, a sweet soreness between my legs, and fingers running through my hair. I had lips on my skin, three pairs of beautiful eyes constantly beholding me, and good food on my plate. I had three men that I would’ve liked nothing more than to devote the rest of my life to, if only they had been willing to do the same, but none of that matters anymore.
It's all gone. It’s just me and my boss awkwardly standing in the middle of the store on Christmas Eve. And I haven’t got one decent reason for why I’m here. At least not one that won’t get me fired.
“Selina, I’m a bit confused,” Etienne says. He doesn’t sound angry, but he’s not the type to blow up, either so I don’t have a pattern to recognize or follow. “I understand you came back earlier from your extended holiday, which isn’t a problem as long as everything was sorted with your shift manager. But the store is closed today. Why aren’t you at home?”
I take a deep breath and brace myself for the fallout. “I don’t have a home anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… I’m so sorry, Etienne,” I burst into tears as I scramble to get my bag from behind the counter, along with my wallet and phone charger. “I didn’t mean for things to… I’m so sorry.”
“Selina, if you’re in trouble—”
“I’m just an idiot,” I blurt out and head straight for the door. “And I’m obviously fired too. It’s so inappropriate but I came to stay here because I had nowhere else to go. I’m so sorry.”
“Wait!”
But I move like a shadow, light on my feet despite the chunks of lead currently crushing my stomach. I slip past the door, leaving the rest of my luggage and my sleeping bag behind. Hell, I can’t even look Etienne in the eyes let alone hang around to collect my things while he tells me about how I’m never going to work in this industry ever again. As if the whole situation wasn’t already terrible enough, leave it to the universe to further screw me over when I needed a reprieve the most.
“Selina!” I hear Etienne calling out.
I can’t stand the shame, the impotence of where I’ve landed. All I can do is run down the stairs and sneak through the service exit of the building, utterly embarrassed and hopeless. I doubt I have a job anymore. But what I do have is a sliver of dignity left, and I don’t intend to spend this Christmas out in the streets.
With my wallet and overnight bag hanging on one shoulder, I rush downtown to find a decent hotel that still has a vacancy this time of year. I can at least sleep in a bed for a couple of nights until I figure out my next move. Come January, I’ll be applying for a new job, anyway. I need a plan to keep my head above water.
Yet the child growing in my womb needs me to keep fighting. I’ll figure something out. I always do. Even when the horizon is dark, when the night is cold and my heart is bleeding, I always find a way. What other choice have I got?
25
Selina
