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He couldn't finish his words. My brain automatically shut him out…he started to disappear, much to my dismay.
I opened my eyes and tried to recognize the room I was in. The bed was bigger than usual… wait, this was the original usual. I was back in Maryland. After what happened with Ian, I couldn't take it anymore and had left Richmond. I also stopped working at his hospital. I didn't need anything that would remind me of him. That would be my excuse, but I had yet to delete any of his texts. I also saw him in my dreams as well.
As I woke up, I remembered how he had made breakfast once. Everything was just reminding me of him and my mistake. I needed something stronger. A bigger distraction. Something that wouldn't let me remember him and finally let me move on with my life.
"Your mother wasn't kidding when she said you look devoid of life," Rachel said as she entered my room and made her way to my bed.
She sat on the bed and reached for my head, slowly petting me.
"You left me out of touch with a lot of things you were up to in Richmond," she said. "I just assumed you were fine. But it would seem I was wrong. Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Rachel was the closest thing to a best friend I had. I had wanted to tell her about what was going on, but I knew what she would say."Why would you even do something as stupid as that?"
I had kept it a secret from her, but not anymore.
"I followed your advice. I was aggressive and got involved sexually and romantically with Dr. Ethan Sullivan," I explained.
"Wow, you did it. And here I thought you'd give up and try to focus on Lawrence or something. You've grown, princess," she said with a smile.
"Yeah… I guess I have grown," I replied nervously.
"What happened?" she asked. "Did everything not go well?"
"It was wonderful. The sex, the loving, the quality time spent together. I even went to a four-star restaurant and a mini observatory," I replied with a soft chuckle. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced."
"I don't understand if you enjoyed it that much then why are you here?" she asked, a bit concerned.
'I did enjoy it, but it turns out that the person I thought I was in love with wasn't any other than his younger brother Ian Sullivan," I remarked.
"Come again?"
"It was his younger brother posing as Ethan," I repeated.
"And you didn't notice? Why would he even do such a thing?"
"To answer the first question, no I didn't notice. As for the second, I have absolutely no idea," I replied. "I ran into the real Ethan. He is married with a wife and kids. I guess this would have been something I'd been aware of if I had just listened to everyone and got a normal smartphone and stayed on social media."
"It still doesn't make sense. The Ian's part that is," she insisted. "Why go out of his way to act like his older brother? Do you think he did it just to make sure you don't take the news badly?"
"If that's the case, then why was he involved with me as his normal self?" I asked.
"What?"
"While he was acting like Ethan, I found myself drawn to both the false character he had created, and his original self," I explained. "I was confused. It's impossible to be in love with two different people but there I was, doing it so effortlessly that I wondered if I was really sick in the head."
I paused took in a deep breath and continued, "I knew there were things off aboutEthan.How he acted so mature, that his clumsiness seemed forced or almost non-existent. But I brainwashed myself into thinking he had matured within the span of a year. Then I got the rude awakening. And guess what Ian did?"
"What?"
"He accused me of cheating," I replied while trying not to laugh. "Me cheating with the same person. He wasn't wrong, though. But blaming me for a relationship that was yet to have a label, while I thought it was two different persons! He intentionally acted as different people and let the whole thing unfold while I could do nothing in response."
"That was…I have no words," she said as she shook her head negatively. "Are you over him?"
I remembered the dreams and the pain that still tugged at my heart for hitting him. I felt bad for not explaining to him. I remembered his conversation in the garden and how everyone seemed to prefer Ethan over him. How sad his eyes looked, and the way he lit up when I showed that I was interested in him.
I started to ask myself,could it be that, he only did all this, just because he wanted me but felt I wouldn't be interested in his true self?
My head hurt from thinking about it. Not like thinking was going to do me any good.
