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"You have absolutely no idea, how hard being me is," I said before trying to land another punch, which he caught easily.
"I have no idea?" he asked as he grabbed my throat and squeezed tightly.
Ben had always separated us, so I had absolutely no idea what my older brother was capable of - if he actually fought me like he meant it. He easily lifted himself and pushed me down.
"Mom loves you," he said as he landed a fist. "The professors call you the smartest of the three of us combined." He landed another fist. "You have shown me severally what I could have been if I wasn't so careless. Every day I lose an item, I forget to do things. The women you think I have all let me know that they wouldn't be with me because of how clumsy I am. It was hard being me when the one person who truly loved me came to me with genuine intent, and I tossed her away." He landed another blow.
He had my neck in a choke hold; it was hard to clock his fists while trying to gasp for air.
"You really think that woman at one point didn't really care about the real you?" he asked.
"Let him breathe," Ben said, and Ethan softened his grip on my neck.
"I don't know why you did what you did, but I want you to know that there was absolutely no reason you should have done it," Ethan said. "The woman didn't even look like she was in love with me. She looked as lost and confused as you are right now."
He let go of me and stood up while I lay motionless on the floor.
"I know I've made things difficult for you," he said. "But there are things only you can be able to do."
"I'm sorry," I apologized.
I meant it. I had treated him with disdain for so many years, but he had never taken it seriously. I without doubt had seen the amount of effort he had put into making his life seem perfect. And rather than trying my best to actually be myself, I chose the coward's path and stole his own identity, without properly thinking about it.
"I'm sorry too," he said and stretched his hand toward me. "Now let's go have those desserts you brought."
"I don't think I can eat with the bleeding in my mouth," I said as I accepted his hand, and he helped me up.
"You'll be fine," he shrugged, and we made our way back where Ben and the rest were waiting.
"You two got it out of your system?" he asked.
"Yeah.." we replied.
"Good," he said before punching the both of us at the same time, "That's for making Mom worry."
"Ah, you broke my nose," Ethan whined.
"Serves you right…why did you go picking a fight in the first place." Stacy frowned as she inspected his face.
"Ow, that actually hurts the way you're touching my face,” he complained.
"Just shut up and let me see," she instructed, and I watched him smile.
It was the first time, I saw any woman look at my brother like that. I had seen eyes like that too. Moments when Natasha looked at me.
"Let me see your face," Mom said as she held my jaw and made me face her. "Both of you can be idiots at the oddest times."
"I'm sorry, Mom," I apologized.
"Hush, you," she demanded and frowned. "But your brother is right. It's time you actually accepted yourself for who you are. You're a sweet young man, and I'm sure whoever the lady was, false persona or not, she didn't make a mistake in choosing you."
"Thank you," I said. I wanted to smile, but the adrenaline had worn off ,so I was left with nothing but excruciating pain on my face, stomach, and other parts of my body.
Not the kind of awakening I wanted, but the one I needed. Maybe it wasn't the worst night of my life.
*****
Life wasn't so easy without Natasha's presence. At the hospital, she and I didn't work together a lot, but we did see more of each other during breaks in the garden and sometimes the cafeteria.
