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"Goodnight Rachel," I responded as she left. She replied with a grunt.
I turned my attention to Mother, "How's Dad doing?"
"He turned in early," she said. "Care for dinner."
"No thank you, Lawrence made sure I was fed," I said.
I also didn't have any attempt thanks to what he did.But I refrained from mentioning it. I didn't want Mother crying for any reason whatsoever.
"That sounds okay. How are things going, between you two?" she asked. "Any development?"
"None that I can think of right now," I replied.
"I actually thought this was going to be easier for you, considering how much you too have gone through together as kids," she said.
"That was just an assumption. Was Dad also your childhood friend?" I asked.
"Well… yes," she replied. "We were neighbors and attended almost every form of education together. So, it was easier dating him compared to the other people I met."
"Oh." I blinked twice; that was not the answer I was expecting.
"You don't have to rush it…maybe one day it will just click in," she advised. "You can take as long as you need."
"Why do you say it like that?" I asked.
"Like what?"
"Dad and Lawrence sounded the same way, but the longer I stay, the longer I realize that no matter how much you guys try to make it look like I have a say in whatever happens, you find a way to make me realize that I actually don't have a say," I replied. "I feel like no matter how much I try, even if I don’t have a shred of feelings for him, I will end up marrying him."
She stared at me with a blank expression, but it faded and was replaced with an exhausted look. She didn't argue or deny what I had just said. So, it was true. I was going to marry him no matter what.
"Why would you guys get to decide something as important as this?" I asked.
"I wish you would believe me, if I said –"
"It's for my own good?" I asked.
She looked at me in defeat and looked away.
"Why don't you tell me what exactly is going on?" I asked. "My only problem right now is that I have no idea why I have to do this."
"Natasha," she called softly and walked up to me, cradling my face in her hands. "Just trust your father and I on this."
"Fine," I replied and took her hands off my face. "I'll be your scapegoat, just as I've always been."
"Natasha…." she called out, but I wasn't listening.
This was the first time I had ever walked out on my mother. It felt strange, because I've always been a good girl. But this was one of those moments when being a good girl wasn't going to pay.
****
Lawrence had mentioned that he supposedly had fallen in love with me at first sight right from when we were kids. I couldn't lie and mention that my feelings for him were always platonic. As kids, he was the big brother figure I craved. But when I entered puberty, something happened, and it boosted the positive image I had of him.
Lawrence was a spoiled child; there was no hiding that. He looked down on everyone, but at the same time, he was exceptionally kind to me. As a kid and teenager, it made me feel special, but at the same time, I couldn't help feeling there was something wrong with the way he did things.
One day, we were studying as usual when I felt strange. My stomach started to hurt all of a sudden. A few minutes later, I started my first period. I was scared, but he appeared unfazed and was able to calm down while we waited for help. It was one of the sweetest things he had done for me that might have won him a point if not for the way he grinned creepily throughout the process.
As a teen, I thought he was just smiling to help me calm down. But as an adult and hearing everything he said about waiting for me all these years, I was a little disturbed. True, at one point, I had a crush on him. Who wouldn't? He was a handsome kid, intelligent and extremely confident, although I would later find out that there was a difference between someone being extremely confident and someone who was just a proud person. Then the way he looked at me changed. I just took it that he was going through puberty and was attracted to the new person he saw.
