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“But I still couldn’t, so I took my own life instead. I killed myself—and yet, I woke up the next morning in my bed, as if nothing had happened. I killed myself nine more times, but I always came back. And then… Then Lazarus made a threat. He showed me what he would do to the girl if I didn’t kill her myself. It was—awful.” Her chin wobbled as she squeezed her eyes tight. “He told me it was a mercy for me to take her life. So…” she said, opening her eyes and staring at the fire. “I did.”
She let the words sink in as she took a swig from the jug, and then another. No one spoke, out of a sort of reverence for her courage. Killian stared at her, studying the haunted look in her red-rimmed eyes. His heart was in his throat. He’d known all along that she was tormented by something, but he never dreamed it would be so terrible. To be forced to take a life like that—to take her own life so many times—it was unimaginable.
It was quiet for a long moment as Elyse regained her composure. When she finally continued, her voice was a touch stronger, like the worst was over. “After that, I stopped caring,” she went on, passing along the jug. “Lazarus had won. There was no point in fighting him anymore, so I did whatever he asked.”
Manny passed Killian the jug. He accepted it but didn’t bring it to his lips.
“That’s why you killed King Cyril,” he uttered.
Elyse nodded, her face contorted as more tears flowed down her cheeks. “I never knew why he made me do it. I never asked. I just did whatever Lazarus said and tried not to think about it. But then Sera found the passage in the book, about bringing a demon to life. It was all for this. Killing the girl, murdering King Cyril—he made me do those things as part of the ritual to bring him to life.”
A horrible numbness wrapped itself around Killian. It all made sense. Not only about King Cyril and the full moon. But how she had acted tonight, and why she needed so desperately to leave and stop Ymaritis.
She felt guilty.
She closed her eyes again, shaking her head. “I can’t let Lazarus walk this earth. Because if he does… It will all be my fault.”
Killian finally took a drink from the jug and passed it to Zubir. He stared at the fire, unable to speak. He could barely think. His mind was racing as so many pieces lined up together, fitting into place.
He finally had his explanation, and damned if it wasn’t far more horrific than he’d imagined. He’d told himself that there could be no possible explanation that excused Elyse’s behavior, but this… He didn’t know what to make of it.
He understood it all now. The words she spoke that night at the clinic echoed in his mind.
You don’t know me.
Manny let out a breath. “And I thought I had a tragic backstory.”
A soft laugh escaped Elyse’s lips as she wiped another tear away. When she finally looked up, her gaze pierced Killian, her dark eyes searching his face. She didn’t look at anyone else. Just him.
But his face remained neutral. What was he supposed to do with this information? Forgive her? He had spent so much time hating her. He wasn’t certain he could stop over the course of a few minutes.
And even if he did, there was still the blood pact. She was bound to turn herself in—for a crime she had been forced to commit.
Killian finally broke her gaze, glancing instead to Manny. Manny looked at him with such sympathy, his eyes asking the same question as Elyse’s.
Is it enough?
The terror Killian had felt moments earlier surged through him again as he remembered the walker clawing at her. He had been desperate to save her, and not because they needed her to defeat Ymaritis. But because he needed her.
Elyse had gone back to fidgeting with her hands in her lap. Killian set his gaze on her and spoke in a soft voice.
“You don’t have to bear this alone, Elyse.”
She looked up at him, and a lone tear slid down her face. She said nothing, but the look in her eyes sang of gratitude.
The others offered their own words of encouragement, but Killian didn’t hear them. He stared at Elyse, struck by her courage, her strength. She was enslaved to a demon, and had been her whole life. She’d been forced to do unspeakable things—to herself and to others. And yet here she sat, trying to make it right.
Half of her hair had fallen loose from its hold, and dirt caked her chin. Her eyes were swollen, her lids heavy. The fire cast her complexion in a glaring orange hue. And yet to Killian, she had never looked more beautiful. As he gazed at her across the fire, he didn’t see a murderer or a liar or a coward.
After the Guard had issued a warrant for her arrest, she could have run away to another kingdom, started a new life. Even after Prestowne, she could have fled. But she had chosen again and again to do everything in her power to prevent any others from suffering. She was broken, and Killian now understood why. But she was strong—stronger than he ever even realized.
Sera took Elyse by the arm and helped her inside the tent. Killian watched them go, craving more answers, more explanation, but unable to ask for it. All the words he wished to voice were caught in his throat, clogged by emotion. His mind was still muddled as he tried to comprehend everything.
He knew one thing, though. He wasn’t going to get any sleep until he spoke to Elyse—alone.
Chapter 46
- Elyse -
