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Vera dropped back down on the bed, shaking her head. “Forget it.”
“The hell I will. What’re you talking about?” Suspicion rose the hairs on her neck. Vera was hiding more shit than Pandora’s box.
Clenching her fists until her knuckles bled white, Vera huffed out a sardonic breath. “You’ve gotten to be here for them.” She bit her lip as if it was the only way to stop herself from continuing.
Frowning, Teddi tried to understand. She was here in Sylen or Fort Collins? She was here for Ximena… a lightning bolt hit her. “Ver.” Sitting across from her on the other bed, her shock and anger fell away like dead weight. “You’re mad at me because I helped Ximena?”
"No. Yes. I don't know." Vera seemed to war with herself for a moment, her brows softening over her penetrating gaze. “It’s not that. You got to be there to help her, to help Alex, to use your team to try and find him and I was nowhere to be found. Knee-deep in my own shit. I messed up. I wasn’t here for anyone and you were and I know it’s stupid but I’m so pissed at you for that.”
Teddi felt the tendrils of some other secret lingering at the edge of her words, but she didn’t push it. The kiss wasn’t just about Vera feeling bad about the investigation.
“I did what you would’ve done.” She shrugged. The Aguilars were her family too. “That summer we dated, I didn’t just get you. I got a whole family, Ver. Your mom and dad took me in and treated me like I was their long-lost daughter the second they found out my dad had pissed off to Florida. Ximena became my little sister to take care of too and I know you’re protective of her but I was here.” She needed her to hear this, to believe it because it was the barest of truths. “I did what needed to be done because it’s what you would’ve done. We both know why Ximena didn’t tell you and I’m sorry about that, but I’m not sorry I was here for her.”
“I know,” she rasped. “I know you did. I’m just… I guess I’m ashamed I wasn’t here too.”
Teddi slid off the bed, kneeling between her legs. “You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. You had commitments that you couldn’t get out of and you being here”—she slid her hand against her cheek, cupping her jaw—“you couldn’t have stopped what happened to Alex.”
“Maybe I could’ve, maybe—” Teddi shook her head, silencing her.
“No. I don’t think that whatever happened with Alex was something we could’ve prevented. I think it happened early on, back when we all thought he had just run off again. If you think you fucked up about that, then we all did. We all get to share that burden, not just you.” Teddi’s heart ached at the pain filling her dark eyes. She could see the blame swirling in the shadows beneath her lashes like a tornado. “I know Alex was family but you can’t save everyone.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s not the way the world works. You take care of the things that are within your control. You try your best and the rest is out of your hands. You didn’t take Alex’s life.” She lifted her chin as Vera’s head dipped. “Listen to me. You are not responsible.”
They watched one another as her words settled. She couldn’t tell if she believed her but she knew down to her bones that it was the truth. There was no such thing as saving every single person who went through life-altering events or met bad ends. She got up, went to work, did her best, held empathy for those who suffered and tried to rest easy knowing she did what was within her power to do. Nothing more, never anything less. That was how she slept at night. The fight against bad people would never end, but she would never stop trying as long as she breathed.
She traced the cluster of beauty marks by her chin. “Don’t be mad at me for being here. Pick something else. Anything else.” Her heart soared when it worked and Vera’s lips tilted slightly upward.
“I’m mad at myself.” Laying her hand over Teddi’s, heat suffused into her skin. “I’m glad that you were here for them.” She tugged gently on a lock of her long hair. “Is your head ok?”
Teddi wrapped her arms around her, tucking her face into Vera’s neck as she inhaled. “I’m ok.”
She knew, as Vera’s arms tentatively looped around her back, that she had fucked up. When she ended things she worried it was a mistake, but as she held her she realized just how much of one. She had stolen this, these moments, this connection, from both of them. And there was no putting it back the same way it once was. Squeezing tighter, she breathed in her lemony scent, trying to fill all the holes in her chest that the past had carved out.
“Teddi,” Vera murmured, her lips brushing against her neck. The fragile tension in the room melted into another sensation. Something potent that made the walls blur. Vera gently ran her nose up Teddi’s ear, her breath against the sensitive skin causing her to shiver.
Teddi said nothing as her hands moved, silently begging the moment to last. One slid up into Vera’s hair at her nape, the other sliding down against her ribs. She smelled like summer and felt like home and she needed more. Opening her mouth, she gently traced her tongue from her collarbone to her ear, nipping her before nuzzling against her warmth. She was going to explode into flames, her hands shaking as she gripped her tighter, trying to hold back.
“Teddi,” Vera whispered her name like a prayer as she pulled them closer together, every inch of their chests pressed together. Every curve, every inhale, a shared experience. Her mouth closed around Teddi’s pulse point and she bit down softly causing a low whimper to escape.
“Fuck, I missed this.” The words were out of Teddi’s mouth before she could stop them. She froze, waiting for the blow of Vera’s exit. When it didn’t come and she bit her again, she kissed her throat in return, feeling her matching pulse thundering beneath her skin. Panting, she licked, kissed, and pulled, running her hands up and down Vera’s back in a desperate attempt to consume every inch of her. She wanted to be everywhere, touching every part of her with nothing between them.
When Vera’s hand slipped over her ass and squeezed, she let her head fall back on a moan. Cracking open her eyes, Vera loomed over her breathing hard, her dark gaze locked on her lips as Teddi’s tongue licked them. Holding back a cry of joy, Vera dipped, brushing her lips against them. Not a kiss but a passing touch that stoked a hunger it couldn’t satiate. A lazy lick across her bottom lip had Teddi nearly begging. Vera was lost, her eyes glazed over as she stared at her mouth. She was hungry too.
Words seared their way up her throat and through her teeth. “I missed you.” Teddi’s admission tilted the room on its head. The truth burst out of her. She needed her to know but as Vera leaned back, hands pulling away, the slimy sensation of regret threatened to slide its way up her throat. She refused to let it take up space. “I miss you. I miss touching you. Laughing with you, calling you just to say hi. I miss going on shitty camping trips together. I miss waking up next to you.” Neither of them breathed. Vera looked like she’d been socked in the gut. “I miss you.”
Jerking back, Vera’s hair tumbled out from behind her ears as she jerked her head from side to side. Teddi let her go, sitting back on her haunches as reality sank in. The idea that she thought this was a chance to mess around and then walk away as if nothing happened had her reaching for her. “Vera?” She hated the fear in her voice.
Vera’s eyes widened but her mouth remained closed. The pierce of a ringtone made them both jump.
Teddi nearly collapsed forward, the spell broken.
Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she held her eyes, answering in a clipped tone. “Aguilar.” A deep male voice sounded from the other end, whatever Vera was feeling fell away into surprise. “Hey, Rod.”
Of course, Teddi had no idea who Rod was. She didn’t know anyone in Vera’s life and that fact was beginning to piss her off. It was easier when they were apart. When she didn’t have to look at how beautiful she was or hear her velvety voice or brush her hand on accident. Missing her was so much more painful when she was standing in front of her.
But she told her truth and wasn’t going to regret it. At least now they both had to suffer the weight of that knowledge.
