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I shook my head slowly. “I can tell you don’t want to stay here. Hell, I’m not even sure you want to be with me. How many times do I have to ask you to stay before you’ll agree? A hundred? A thousand? Or are you just going to go back to Manhattan no matter what I say?”
Her eyes flared. “You can’t just expect me to drop everything to move here! Jesus, Ransom. How can you expect me to give up my whole life to be your housewife?”
My chest heaved, but I couldn’t speak.
She backed up to rest against the wall. “This isn’t about us right now. It’s time to go save your company.”
Nodding to the door, she leaned on the desk. “You need to get on a plane to Seattle and talk to Dom. The two of you need to get back to your company and fix this fucking mess before you lose your legacy!”
My eyes narrowed. “My legacy? Is that why you think I started this company?”
Phoebe shook her head. “I know exactly why you started the company. I was there when you found that whale stranded on the beach choked by plastic. It killed you seeing that majestic creature and knowing there was so much plastic in it, we couldn’t have saved it even if we could have gotten her back in the water. After that, you came up with the idea of cleaning the oceans and recycling the plastic waste into new items to sell. Hell, I was there when you and Jamarion fought over microplastics the first time.”
I tore my hand through my hair. “I know! I know you were there. You’ve always been there, but not there. Close, but just out of reach. Just like you are now.”
Her gaze sharpened. “What are you talking about?”
I shoved a chair aside, stalking closer. “While J waxed poetic about microplastics way back then, I was so busy staring at you across the room I didn’t even listen to him. You were right there where I couldn’t touch you. Couldn’t hold you. Couldn’t even tell you how I felt because you didn’t want to hear it! Now you’ll listen, but you won’t commit. Why don’t you want to be with me?”
Her neck jutted forward a little and her brow furrowed. “I never said that.”
I leaned on a chair back for support. “You never wanted me! I chased you my whole damn life waiting for the day you might want me back. But every day there’s a new pitfall. Something new that happens to upset you, tear you down, make you feel bad about yourself, and then we have to start over again. Do you know how hard it is?” I lowered my gaze to the floor. “Trying to get you to allow me to tell you how beautiful you are, find a way for you to accept my compliments, try to get you to let me love you. It’s fucking exhausting.”
She shrunk back against the wall. “What are you saying?”
I gestured between us. “I don’t know how to get us on the same page, Raven. Hell, I can’t even make sure we’re in the same fucking state. I’m here. I’m right fucking here all the damn time, caring about you, but it’s never enough. You won’t go all in with me.”
She looked like I sucker-punched her as her hands tightened around her belly. “I’m trying to do better, be better, and not feel bad about myself. It’s a challenge. I’m a challenge. But it’s not you who’s the problem. It’s me. I’m not good enough for you.”
I scoffed and pressed my hair behind my ear. “See, right there. You are exactly right for me! But having to reinforce that and make you believe it every hour of every fucking day is too much.”
Her eyes glistened. “Being around me is too hard. And you aren’t even sure I’m worth it anymore.”
Fuck, that’s not at all what I meant. I lowered my gaze to the floor, closing my eyes and trying to figure out what to say next.
“Oh,” she gasped, “okay, then.” Moving around the desk, she collected her things.
“No,” I said, reaching out toward her.
Batting my hand away, she crammed papers into her computer bag along with her laptop and pushed by me to get to the door. Yanking the door open, she ran out without ever glancing back. And I didn’t say another damn word.
Shit! When I finally got my feet moving, I jogged to the parking lot in time to see her gray sedan’s tail lights down the road.
Slowly sinking into a crouch, I dragged my hands through my hair. I fucked up again. Every time I tried to tell her how I felt, she misinterpreted it, put words in my mouth, made it impossible to tell her how I really felt. Then in my anger, I pushed her away. With a feral roar, I pushed up and flew to my truck. I had to follow her, sort this out with her. I couldn’t leave it like this.
But where was she?
While I drove, I called her over and over, but she didn’t pick up.
My stomach dropped as a sense of loss washed over me. I was too late. Something in my gut told me she was gone for good.
33
PHOEBE
I knew the news about his company would be devastating to Ransom, but I didn’t expect our conversation would take that turn. Everyone else thought I was too much, I knew that, but Ransom? Never had he made me feel so unlovable as he did today. He waited for me to work through my problems. He waited for me to believe in myself. But he was done waiting for me to agree to leave my old life behind and start a new one where I was alone and he was gone all the time. Where I was his side dish he would come home to in the summer and have a sure thing. He wasn’t really offering me a lifetime. He was offering me three months a year and free housing. He was offering me a paid position. And that was enough to make me feel sick.
As I sat at a red light downtown, I thought there would be sobs. Giant tears and massive bleeding when he shredded my heart. But my eyes were dry and I hadn’t died. It fucking sucked, thinking I had one ally in the world I could always count on and now I was too much for him. So be it. I’d just go back to New York.
