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He held the phone a little closer. “I’m always here for you. Every damn day. Don’t forget it.”
He disconnected before my next round of sobs started up again. Thank fuck they waited. I really hated crying in front of that man.
Scraping myself off the floor, I padded to my closet, and pulled out a cozy sweatshirt dress. Then I turned the water on cooler than most would like. Ducking under the spray, I scrubbed off all the makeup and grime of the day. By the time I emerged, I realized Ransom was right. I did feel better.
Once I was dressed, I hoisted my suitcase from the bowels of my closet. Then I microwaved a lean freezer meal. While it cooled, I packed the suitcase full of clothes I wanted to wear for the next few weeks. Leggings, a couple pairs of jeans, one flannel shirt, a couple sweatshirts, and a few t-shirts. I even found a few cute dresses to bring in case there was a need. The hard part was the accessories, so I decided to eat while I thought about it. By the time I was done eating, I had it all planned in my head and threw in the shoes, jewelry, and even a scarf.
Everything was clicking into place. The stares and comments of today were just a whisper in the background and I was ready to move forward. Rise above. Around the time I was sitting on my suitcase to make it close, there was a knock at the door.
Scowling, I wondered who it could be. No one came here. Peeking out my peephole, a man stood there with flowers. He kept his gaze firmly on the ground, looking nervous.
Opening my locks, I let the door swing open. “Hello?”
He squinted a little and looked down the hall, then his gaze lowered back to the floor. “Ah, hi. I’m not quite sure how to say this, so don’t interrupt please. Just let me get it out.”
It wasn’t my style, but I agreed. “Okay.”
“So, ah, it’s nothing about you, you’re great, but this just isn’t going to work, so I’m gonna hafta take a walk, babe.” Without looking up, he shoved the flowers toward me.
I narrowed my eyes and set my hand on my hip. “Wait, are you breaking up with me?”
He kept his gaze firmly on his toe kicking the cracked linoleum. “Um, yeah. It just ain’t workin’ for me, babe.”
I felt outraged. “Well, have you even tried?” Anger took over my body and my voice rose until only dogs could hear me. “Have you tried couples counseling or anything?”
He shrugged, still not looking up.
I took a step forward. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re gonna stand there, say it’s you and not me and after you haven’t even fucking tried!”
When his eyes finally dared rake up my body, his face blanched. “Oh, shit. Wait. You’re not Kaia.” He winced. “Sorry, lady. Um, here are some flowers for your trouble. Guess I got the wrong apartment.”
I was screeching now. “Is she even in this building, you moron?”
“Um, I think I have the wrong floor.” He backed away slowly. “Sorry, ma’am. I’m so sorry. Really.” He threw the flowers at me I refused to take.
I’m pretty sure I kept screaming after that, but I had no idea what I was even saying as my sobs came back in full force. How could a man break up with me when we’d never even been together? Was I so putrescent that even strangers off the street would break up with me?
Grabbing a pint of chocoholics dream ice cream from the freezer I kept for emergencies, I pulled a spoon from the drawer and wrecked my day of eating perfectly balanced meals. I ate the whole pint on the sofa, watching rom-coms that made me feel like there were happily ever afters for some people out there. The skinny women with glowing skin and radiant smiles got the guy.
As the night went on, I entered this zombie-type dream state where I watched movies, but I wasn’t watching them anymore. I was devouring them. I was taking in every rotten second of them knowing love would never find me.
Sinking even lower, my grandmother’s words roared in my ear on repeat. “No one will ever love you, Phoebe. How could anyone ever love you when you have no self-respect? You let yourself go and now what? You expect someone to love that? Those flabby arms? Those fat rolls? Those double chins? Who would ever love you?”
My eyes blurred. My chin wobbled. And I shook with self-loathing. My grandmother was right. No one would ever love me. Not the romantic, goopy, messy love. Just the brotherly “I’m here for you” love. Falling down into a black hole of self-pity, I hugged the blanket closer covering everything up. I didn’t want to see it. I couldn’t look at any part of myself. I wished I could fall asleep, find some sort of escape from feeling like this, but my eyes stubbornly refused to close. As the next movie started on its own, a tear slipped down my cheek. This was it for me. Looking in from the outside. This was all I would ever have.
5
RANSOM
Speeding to the private airstrip to meet Phoebe, my heart was in my throat. Edgar called the moment he dropped her off at the airport, but I didn’t get the message until after practice.
“Mr. Pierce, this is Edgar, your driver in New York. I wanted to call to apprise you of the situation I found when I arrived at Ms. Garrison’s apartment. She wasn’t dressed for travel, she was crying and puffy-eyed, and it looked like she hadn’t slept all night. Her bag and purse were already packed, so I took those to the car. Then, I put a coat on her, stuffed her feet into a nearby pair of boots, and helped her down to the Town Car. I left her with Andrea, but she may need your help upon arrival. I hope she’s okay, sir. She seemed very upset.”
Remembering the message, I pressed a little harder on the accelerator. I needed to see Phoebe right fucking now!
As the plane came into view, I screeched to a stop, jumped out of the truck, and sprinted up the staircase.
Andrea led me into the main cabin. “I’m glad you’re here.”
