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I shrugged. “Maybe both of us.”
Joy tilted her head. “Why do you think he went for someone so different than you anyway?”
I shook my head a little glancing at the floor. “I wish I knew. Would help me work some things out in my head if I could figure it out. Every time I think of being near him, I feel super-sized. Like he’s used to something dainty and the reality of what he’s going to get is so much different.”
The girls let out a sigh and sat back in their chairs, their lips curled.
I flicked my gaze around the table. “What? I’m an idiot apparently, so someone just tell me.”
Katy glanced over her shoulder and looked back at me. “He’s staring at you right now. He’s keeping his eye on you in a group setting.”
Joy nibbled on her nail. “He leans in when you talk to him, opens up his arms and his body language when it comes to you.”
Maddy crossed her arms. “He walks beside or behind you. Never in front.”
Molly shook her head at me looking disgusted. “He knows the smallest details about you. He pays attention when you talk, and he’s always looking for reasons to be alone with you. You know he’s opted out of poker night since you came for Thanksgiving, right?”
Kiley set a hand on Molly’s shoulder. “He’s protective of you and supports you in your endeavors. And do you notice he gravitates toward you? Watches and keeps you in his periphery at all times?”
“And gives you his time and full attention,” Maddy interjected. “And other than a woman who is the complete opposite of you, he hasn’t been with anyone else in a long time. What does that tell you?”
Kendalia got tired of waiting for me to answer. “He loves you, you dummy!”
I nodded. “I know. I love him too. We’ve said that to each other for years because it’s true. We’re family.”
All the women shook their heads. “Hell, no!”
Harmony touched my arm. “It’s not that type of love. Besides, you can’t honestly think of him as a brother.”
I deflated. “No. Not since our sophomore year in high school. His chest broadened, he shot up four inches in one summer and packed on the muscle. Then when he grew his hair out during a winning season in college, I was a goner.”
Harmony rested her hand on my back in this really comforting gesture. “Then why push him away so hard by labeling him as family?”
I choked. “Makes the rejection a non-issue if I take the option off the table.”
Everyone popped up and came over to hug me. They piled all over me to comfort me. It was probably one of the most absurdly wonderful things that ever happened in all my life.
Maddy backed up with tears in her eyes. “Oh, sweetie. Don’t you want to see where this goes?”
I pressed my eyes closed. “But for how long? Because if I had to choose between a lifetime of friendship or a one-night stand where I’d lose him forever at the conclusion, I’d tamp down the desire and just stick to friendship. I don’t know who I am without him.”
Katy backed away. “Yes, you do. You’re a helluva journalist with or without him. And no matter what happens with him, you have us.”
I flicked my eyes from one to the next, gauging whether that was true. The women were all in some sort of teary pose, nodding at me to make sure I understood.
Molly plunked down next to me. “You see, no matter what happens with guys, we have our own group. Guys are inevitably stupid about something, so you’ll need us. You just sound the alarm and we’ll be there. Right?” She glanced around at everyone for confirmation.
Kiley squeezed my shoulder. “Absolutely. We’re always here for each other. Our allegiances to the men are secondary, mostly. I mean, I love my husband, but Joy’s been my best friend my whole life. If she needed me, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Same for anyone here.”
I believed her. Somehow, this group of tightly bonded women became my dearest friends when I wasn’t looking. “You girls are the best.”
Molly nodded. “Why yes, we are. Now, let’s go watch the guys play a pick-up game downstairs. They’re itching to play and I need to yell at them. Dingley jingle bells, I miss that.”
We all laughed and pulled apart.
Harmony stepped closer to whisper to me. “I get it. I get the fear of allowing yourself to dive into something, have faith in another person who could rip your heart out.”
I took her hand. “Yep, I’m terrified.”
