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She snorted and rolled her eyes. The bright blue of her eyes disappeared completely before making a reappearance. “The owner insists it feels just like the hotel she stayed in down in Florida. Thirty years ago. This place could use a facelift. Don’t worry, though. It’s the only place she got to decorate.”
“I admit nothing.”
Her face lit up and she clapped her hands. “Oh, I like you already. I’m Jerry, by the way. We spoke on the phone.”
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m happy to be here and I hope this works out.” I squeezed the strap of my purse tighter and gave her a real smile. “I was really close with my neighbor back home. She was seventy-five but she ended up being my best friend. She passed a couple of months ago so I’m really missing her.”
“What was her name?”
“Maggie.” I laughed quietly. “She always joked with me that I’d fit in perfectly in a retirement community and I always agreed with her. My ability to roll with whatever is thrown my way by senior citizens and my sense of humor really does seem to lend itself to enjoying places like this. So, here I am.”
“That’s beautiful, Olive. We need more people like you. So many people just forget about the old. If they just spent a few moments with our residents here, they’d learn a lot.” Jerry lowered her voice and gave me a conspiratorial glance. “They’d also probably run screaming some days. If your friend, Maggie, was anything like our folks here, you know that they can get a little wild.”
“Maggie had way more boyfriends than I ever did and she wasn’t shy about it. Around the third time I was being bullied by a senior citizen for not having a love life, I knew that being old was going to be a lot of fun.”
“You get it!” She waved for me to follow her. “Come on. I’ll introduce you to a few of our residents and then you can tell me how you’re feeling.”
She led me to a set of older women who may have been a test to see how much I could handle. One of them had fire engine red hair that was pulled into the highest ponytail I’d ever seen. The ponytail was only around an inch long, but she was working it. She also had matching red lipstick smeared around her mouth and her mascara was smudged all around her eyes. The wildest part was the gold sequined bodycon dress she wore. The other woman had black, pin straight hair down to her waist and makeup to rival Cleopatra. She also had a bodycon dress on, but hers was neon green. Both were missing shoes.
“Olive, these are two of our resident party girls. Barbara is in the gold and Brenda is in the green. Ladies, meet Olive. She might be joining us here.” Jerry looked like she was fighting a laugh. “Barb and Brenda here stayed up all night partying by the looks of things.”
Brenda let out a loud burp and then giggled. She was at least eighty-years-old but the giggle was that of a schoolgirl. “‘Scuse me. I had a beers of couple, sure. I’m not drunk, though.”
Barb reached over and punched Brenda in the boob. “Don’t lie, you old skank! You’re as drunk as a… As drunk as a…”
“Skunk?” Jerry supplied.
“What? Why the hell would a skunk be drunk? Jerry, are you drunk, too? Jesus. Who’s running this place?” Barb looked at me. “This toddler? No wonder we’re all fucking drunk.”
I covered my mouth with my hand to try and hide my laugh, but Brenda spotted it. She pointed at me with one hand and ripped the long black hair off with the other. “Don’t you laugh at Barb. She’ll just keep going and going. Like a teenage boy, this one.”
Jerry sighed. “Can you two get to your house? And do not tell me that you’re going to drive this golf cart home. You’re both too drunk.”
“Too drunk to drive a golf cart? Who ever heard of such a thing?” Brenda waved Jerry off. “I’m eighty-three-years-old. If I crash this cart and die, I’ve lived a good life.”
“How about we have Olive drive you home?” Jerry grinned at me and I knew driving them would be my real test. “Find me in Florida when you’re done, honey.”
We all three watched Jerry stride away with the constantswishof her sequin windsuit quieting the farther she got. Then, we all looked at each other. I knew I was in for a trip when Brenda reached into her dress and pulled two raw chicken cutlets out. They were in ziplock bags, at least.
“We’ll let you drive if you stop by the kitchen and grill these bad boys up for us.”
5
***Olive***
Therewasatallfence around Jolly Pines and by the time I was done with Brenda and Barb, I knew why. If anyone in the outside world had watched me drive two stripping grandmas around on a golf-cart, traffic would’ve come to a complete standstill. As it was, there was a traffic jam on the sidewalks inside the fence. I watched a man in a motorized scooter run over his aid because he was staring at Barb’s bare ass. Before I could call anyone to help the poor man being run over by a scooter, an older man jogged by with his shirt off and both of the women in my cart started catcalling him and waving chicken cutlets at him.
By the time I got back to the front office, I felt like I’d somehow been to both a raging party and a dysfunctional family reunion. I wasn’t sure what emotion to feel, but I thought that happy might’ve been winning. When I walked into Florida, as Jerry called it, Jerry was sitting on one of the wicker couches with another older woman.
The new woman looked closer to normal than Barb and Brenda but she was almost an exact replica of Dolly Parton. Her blonde hair was teased high and her makeup was absolute perfection. She was even in a rhinestone dress with fringe on the sleeves and it barely held in her larger-than-life chest. She grinned when she saw me and patted Jerry’s knee. “Well, she’s back and she’s not crying.”
I sat across from them and couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “It was kind of fun.”
“Fun?” Jerry whistled. “You’re hired. I remember you said you have a son. I’m willing to work around your schedule. As long as I can have you here Monday mornings. After the weekend, these people can be a little testy. That’s when I need the most help.”
I sat forward and gripped my knees. “Are you serious? It’s that easy?”
The older woman laughed. “Easy. She considers getting the Trashed Twins back to their house easy. She’s a keeper!”
