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“I was embarrassed,” I chuckled dryly.
“Embarrassed? Why?”
“I mean… you've already done so much, and this is what I've been able to achieve so far,” I explained. “It just made me feel you would see me as less or something.”
“Why would you think that?” she asked, genuinely hurt by my conclusion.
I kept silent. I couldn't tell her the real reason.
“It's because I'm dominant, isn't it?” she asked as she looked at her feet. “You thought that I would look down on you. You were scared of being vulnerable with me about your position.”
“Yeah, that's about right,” I replied, honestly surprised that she could figure it out.
“I see,” was her response.
She felt terrible about the whole thing. For someone like Tabitha, it came as a shock that she was bothered. Why would she care what happened to me or what I had achieved?
“I'm sorry that I made you feel that way,” she said. “I don't even know the words to use in defending myself right now, considering that your thoughts are exactly how I have been living my life this whole time.”
“If I didn't know you, trust me, I would have looked down on you immediately,” she continued with all sincerity.
“But now I'm too ashamed to even look at you,” she said. “I don't really know what it's like to be looked down on. So I can't say I sympathize with you, but…”
She placed her hand on her chest. “Hearing that you're scared of me, even with how dominant you can be. It hurts me right here.”
“I'm sorry, Bruce,” she apologized in a cracked voice.
“Wait, Tabitha…”
“Huh? What's this?” She laughed, wiping her face. “Give me a second. Huh? Why am I…?”
No…. Don't do that.
You'll only make me fall for you even harder.
Stop.
“I seem to have an allergy or something,” she said as she continuously wiped the tears flowing from her eyes. I got down from the swing and squatted in front of her. I wiped the tears away with my thumbs and stared into her eyes.
“Just give me a minute. I'll be okay…”
I kissed her lips gently, then pulled away.
“You don't have to apologize,” I said. “I'm the coward here who couldn't open up to you.”
“But it's not your fault I'm the one…”
“You didn't do anything,” I assured her. “It might be your personality. But you are a motivating factor to me and many others. Keep your chin up, mistress.”
“You weirdo,” she remarked and hit my shoulder.
I smiled.
“I have to get going,” she said as she got down from the swing and kissed my cheek. “I'll see you around.”
“Yeah.”
She started to leave, and I watched her walk away. It didn't feel right to let her go.
