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“And talk about secluded. I would never have known this was here if you hadn’t led me straight to it.”
“That’s another reason I’ve always liked it,” Nicole said with a small but genuine smile. “No one ever bothered me here.”
“So why show me?”
He desperately wanted to know. Why show him this private place when it seemed like she was onlybarelystarting to tolerate him. Nicole’s hands gripped the heavy rope of the swing as she stared at the toes of her boots, thinking of what to say. Brendan stayed quiet, which was easy to do in this place where time seemed to have stopped. It seemed to him that the least Nicole deserved was a little bit of patience.
“I suppose,” she said, starting slowly as if she were still straightening out the words in her head. “I suppose you telling me about, you know, nearly dying got me thinking. That you trading it all in to live out here didn’t seem so crazy after that.”
“Are you feeling sorry for me?” he teased, not wanting her to be so glum, despite himself. It worked at least a little, when she twitched an eyebrow at him.
“You seem like you’re recovering just fine.”
“Oh, good. ‘Cause for a second there I thought this was going to get all sentimental and you would admit that I’m not all that bad.”
“Yeah… give me a little more time for that sort of thing,” she said, and Brendan laughed.
“Who didn’t you want bothering you?”
She blinked at him, dappled sun on her cheeks. “What?”
“You said you liked it here because no one ever bothered you…”
She sighed and looked up at the leaves as if they might hold all the answers to the universe.
“Everyone. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. So, I’d come out here as a teenager and just spend hours away from everyone. I’d bring a book, or my homework if I could be bothered to do it — which I usually couldn’t.”
“On account of the photographic-memory thing?”
“No, more on account of my mom being really sick.”
Oh…Brendan felt the air start to trickle out of his lungs while Nicole scratched her nose and straightened her ponytail in a sequence of nervous tics. She had mentioned in passing that her dad had passed away, that her brother had moved out, but not once had she mentioned her mother. And it was suddenly very obvious why.
“I’ll take it she’s no longer with us?” he asked, voice soft.
“Nope. Stage four leukemia isn’t really something you bounce back from.”
Brendan couldn’t help the grimace that flashed across his face. “God. I’m sorry. But, yeah, I can see why homework wouldn’t be on the top of your list of priorities.”
She gave him one of those small smiles that he was beginning to collect like rare jewels and then shrugged.
“We all sort of got everything back on track. My little brother went off to college to do sound design; I stayed here with Dad to run the farm. That was always my plan — another reason not to bother with school all that much, ‘cause I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life here. The place had been in the family for four generations, and I was always so certain I’d take it over and have kids and pass it on to them for generation number five.
“But that… well, you’re here, so that didn’t really work out as planned. The family part hasn’t worked out either, so… This isn’t to, like, make you feel guilty or anything. I just wanted to maybe explain why I am the way I am. I know I’m not always the friendliest person to be around. And like I said, when you told me about your heart attack and just picking everything up and changing it all on a whim, I could definitely relate to that.”
She shrugged and Brendan had to fight the urge to scoop her up.
“And then your dad got sick too, didn’t he?” he said, silently tallying up all of the events Nicole had had to deal with already in her life.
“Yup. But that wasn’t as sudden as when we found out about Mom; we had a bit more time with him so, you know, even if him having a stroke was unrelated, it wasn’t entirely unexpected. Silver linings.”
“Your brother’s all right, isn’t he?” Brendan asked, suddenly dreading what the answer might be. But Nicole smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, he’s fine. Got a job in Nashville producing music, which is what he’s always wanted to do. He was the stereotypical kid who couldn’t wait to get off the farm and go make it big in the city. He kept getting dragged back when things went wrong, and he finally put his foot down and put his own life first. Which is fair,” she said with a sigh. “I get it. I don’t blame him, I really don’t, but… it meant I couldn’t do it on my own anymore.”
Brendan suddenly felt less like this place was a glen from a fantastical forest and more like it was a memorial for all of the tragedy that had happened here, a monument for Nicole’s life that had unraveled so quickly.
“I’m sorry, Nicole.” He said it because that’s what you said in times like this, but he kind of also meant that he was sorry for buying the place, for taking it from her, even though logically he knew there was no way she could have managed by herself. That much was clear.
