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“I skipped lunch,” I say with a smile.
I start walking again, but things are blurry. Something isn’t right.
My heart rate picks up. Oh, no. Am I having a stroke?
Is blurry vision even a sign of a stroke? Why can’t I remember? I’m a doctor, for God’s sake!
Suddenly, the whole room tips. I barely have time to process what’s happening before I’m on the floor and everything goes black.
“Erin? Can you hear me?”
I groan in response and blink my eyes open. I’m in a hospital room, the lights dim and the machines blinking.
My boss, Sakina, smiles warmly at me. “You passed out.”
“I did?” I look down at my body, covered in a thin hospital blanket.
Sakina nods. “Yeah. You didn’t hit your head, so far as we can tell.”
“That’s good,” I mumble, resting my head back against the pillows.
“We’re going to run all the tests…” She trails off. There’s a “but” coming.
I eye her. “What are you not telling me?” My chest tightens.
“As I said, we’ll run all the tests, but I suspect I already know what the ailment is.”
I sit forward, eager. Sakina is a brilliant doctor. With decades of experience, she has an amazing reputation for how quickly she diagnoses.
“What is it?” I nearly climb out of the bed I’m so eager to hear her answer.
“Burnout.” She folds her arms and stares me down.
A long, quiet moment stretches on, and then suddenly I’m laughing. “Burnout? I’m not burnt out!”
Sakina’s expression remains grave. “Erin, you’ve been pushing yourself too hard. You’re a brilliant doctor, but you need to take care of yourself.”
I slump back against the pillows, feeling defeated. Burnout. It makes sense, I suppose. I’ve been so focused on work since Dan left, throwing myself into it as a way to distract myself. But I didn’t realize it had gotten this bad.
“What do I do?” I ask quietly.
Sakina smiles kindly. “Take some time off. Rest. Travel. Do something that makes you happy, that makes you feel rejuvenated. When you come back, you’ll be better than ever.”
Rest? Time off?
The words send panic through me. “I don’t need to take time off. My place is here, at work. Helping people.”
“How will you help other people if you don’t help yourself first? You can’t keep pushing yourself like this, Erin. Your body and mind need a break. You’ve been neglecting yourself for too long, and it’s catching up to you. It’s okay to take a step back and focus on your own well-being for a while.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to process everything. Sakina is right. I can feel it in my bones. I’ve been running on fumes for too long, ignoring the signs that my body was giving me until it finally gave out.
Burnout. The word echoes in my mind, and I can’t deny that it fits. I’ve been feeling exhausted, out of sorts, and irritable lately, even with the work that I love so much.
“All right,” I say finally, opening my eyes and meeting Sakina’s gaze. “I’ll take some time off. But just a couple days.”
She purses her lips and stands. “You’re off duty for three weeks.”
“Three weeks?” I yell before I can stop myself.
