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Even though I’d rather bicker than not talk to her at all, this conversation is twisting me up on the inside. I don’t want to hurt her — far from it.
I want to hold her, to kiss her, to take her away from it all. Away from this town, away from our families, away from theexpectations and judgments of others. I want her for myself, with a longing that has been simmering under the surface for years. I just didn’t know it until she returned to town and I saw her again after all this time.
Erin’s eyes soften. “I never meant to imply that you were a failure, Josh. I just… I don’t know. Being back here… sometimes I feel like this town is suffocating me.”
I nod, understanding what she means. I’ve felt the same way many times before. But there’s something else that’s been suffocating me, and it’s hard to put into words.
“I know what you mean,” I say finally. “It’s like everyone expects us to be a certain way just because of our families. We’re not supposed to want more or do things differently.”
“It’s more than the neighbors,” she says.
“Your parents?” I ask. “Your mom?”
She looks away, and I’m shaken. I never imagined that Erin became a doctor because it was what her mother wanted for her. If anything, I always assumed that she’d been inspired by her mom.
“Everyone always expected me to take on the ranch. My dad more than anyone.” I look at my boots. “I wanted to get out of here, do other things…”
“Then why didn’t you?” she asks, taking a step closer to me. I can feel her breath on my face, and it takes all my self-control not to pull her into my arms right then and there.
“It’s complicated,” I say, averting my gaze from hers. “The ranch is a family business, built by generations before me. And… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”
“Try me,” she says softly. Despite the warm day, I feel a shiver run down my spine.
“It’s like… my granddad and dad worked so hard to build this place, and now my dad is getting older. He wants nothing more than for the ranch to continue on for future generations.” I pause, taking a deep breath before continuing. “And there’s something about working the land, caring for the cattle… It’s in my blood, Erin. It’s who I am.”
“But it’s not all of who you are,” she says, looking up at me with a mix of understanding and sadness. “You could have done anything you wanted in life, Josh. You’re smart, ambitious… You could have gone to college, started your own business, traveled the world.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “But the ranch was always there, calling me back. And I can’t just leave it all behind.”
“You don’t have to,” she says, reaching out to touch my arm. “But you also don’t have to be defined by it. You’re more than just a cowboy, Josh.”
I smile at her, feeling seen for the first time in maybe my whole life, and for a moment there’s a sense of camaraderie between us. But then she takes a step back and crosses her arms again, as if remembering that we’re supposed to be at odds with each other.
“We should get those signatures.” She clears her throat and looks away.
My stomach drops. For a second there, I thought the ice between us had thawed. Not only that, but maybe something new was growing.
I was probably wrong, though.
We continue walking down the street, alternating between approaching houses and writing down names when we get a signature. Erin seems to relax a bit, even cracking a smile or two at some of the more amusing reactions we get from people.
“This is fun.” I glance at her, trying to gauge her response.
To my surprise, she smiles a little bit. “Yeah, it is.”
Some heat comes back into my chest, and I feel buoyed by the possibility that Erin and I might be getting along after all.
And then I see a familiar figure walking towards us. It’s my ex-girlfriend, Rachel. We were together for a few years but broke up shortly after I took over the ranch from my dad. She couldn’t handle the responsibilities and pressure that came with it, always complaining about how I was never fully present in our relationship.
“Hey, Josh,” she says, her gaze flickering to Erin before settling back on me.
“Rachel,” I reply coolly.
She looks back at Erin again, sizing her up. “And who’s this?”
“This is Erin,” I say. “She’s helping me out today.”
Rachel raises an eyebrow. “Helping you with what?”
