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She shakes her head at the ground. “It’s not just your fault. I could have said it.”
“And I could have not made assumptions.”
She nods. The room is deathly silent, and it feels as if we’ve come to a standstill. Where do we go from here?
“How about some coffee?” Erin is already walking into the kitchen.
I follow her, grateful for the change in topic. In the kitchen, she pours water and grounds into the coffee maker, her movements brisk and efficient. I lean against the counter, watching her, my mind racing. I can’t believe she was considering moving back for me. I feel a surge of love and gratitude towards her. I know I need to make things right between us.
And just like that, the words come. I know exactly what to say.
“Erin,” I start as she turns on the coffee maker. She looks at me, her eyes guarded. “I know I messed up. I should have been more supportive of you and your job. I should have listened to you and talked things out instead of making assumptions. I’m sorry.I want to make it up to you. I want to be there for you. I want to show you that I’m serious about us.”
Her expression softens, and she takes a step towards me. “Josh, I don’t know if I can trust you again.”
“I understand that,” I say. “But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’ve changed. That I’m not the same guy who ran away when things got tough.”
With a sigh, she sits on a stool. “You should probably sit down.”
I take a seat opposite her, my heart hammering. I can’t remember ever being this nervous around Erin before. My mind races as I try to come up with the right words to say. How do I convince her that I’m serious about us?
“I know I’ve messed up before,” I begin, my voice low. “But I mean it when I say that I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right between us. I love you, Erin. I’ve loved you since the day we met, and I don’t want to lose you because of my mistakes.”
Erin’s eyes meet mine, and I see the uncertainty, the fear, in them. “Josh, I don’t know if I’m ready to trust you again. It’s going to take more than words for me to believe that you’ve changed.”
“I understand that,” I say, nodding. “I’ll take action to make it up to you. I’ll prove it.”
“There’s more.” She laces her fingers together.
“What sort of more?” My heart stutters. Is she seeing someone else? Have I already missed my chance at getting her back?
I wish she would just come out and say it, but she seems to be collecting her thoughts and I have no right to push her.
She licks her lips. “I don’t know how to lead up to this, so I’m just gonna come out and say it. I’m pregnant, and it’s yours.”
My heart stops at her words, and for a moment, I can’t comprehend what she’s just said. Pregnant? With my child? In all of my thoughts about how to make things right with Erin, I never considered the possibility of becoming a father. It’s overwhelming, to say the least.
“Wh-what?” I stutter. “You? When did you…”
“I found out not long after getting back here.” She rubs the back of her neck and shakes her head. “I’ve planned on telling you. I just didn’t know when to. We haven’t been talking, and I don’t even know if you want to be involved, and…” She trails off, and the coffee maker beeps. “Coffee?”
I blink. She’s thinking about coffee at a time like this?
“You drove all night, right?” She studies me. “You must want some coffee.”
“Um, yeah.” I shake my head like I’m coming out of a daze. “Yes, please.”
She pours two cups of coffee and brings them over to us, then retrieves the creamer from the fridge and drops a splash into my mug. The simple act nearly brings me to tears.
Here we are, not having talked for weeks, and she’s making my coffee just the way I like it. Is she even meaning to be so sweet? Or is it just a habit?
And — my God — she’s pregnant. With my baby.
I shake my head and laugh. “I can’t believe this.”
Her face is flat. “It was a surprise to me, too. Trust me. I’m keeping it, though.”
Is she expecting me to try and convince her otherwise?
