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“What?” I stop pacing.
“I’ve had multiple interviews, and I think I found your perfect match.”
Your perfect match.I scoff because this isn't a fucking dating show. I just need an assistant. I don’t care if we are compatible; I just need them to get the job done.
“Great. When can they start?”
“Wait…What?” she asks, confusion laced in her tone. “Don’t you want to interview her first?”
Her.So my new assistant is a she.
“Isn't ityourjob to hire qualified applicants?” I turn to look at myself in the mirror, pushing back a stray lock of hair from my forehead. “You’d know better than me if she's a good fit.”
“Elliot…” she drawls. “You don’t even know her name. You haven’t looked at her resume. You…You know absolutelynothingabout her.”
“Let me ask you one question,” I reply. “Doyoufeel that she’s qualified to do the job?”
“Yes, of course,” she responds without missing a beat. “I wouldn't be suggesting her for the job if she wasn't.”
“Okay, then no further discussion is needed. Offer her the position, and if she accepts, ask if she can start on Monday.”
“Are you serious?” she asks in shock. “In all my years of recruiting, I have never had a manager not want to meet with a candidate before extending an offer. Also, I’m pretty sure that’s against our recruiting policy. All managers need to have at least one interview with a candidate before making a job offer.”
“Then I need you to cut corners for me, Skylar,” I exhale. “Would you like to call each of my clients and cancel the back-to-back meetings I have scheduled for the next month? I don’teven have time for a fucking lunch break, so I find it quite humorous that you think I have time to do a task that you’ve already done. You like her, so let’s move forward. End of story.”
Silence fills the line.
“God,” she chuckles lowly. “You’re such a dick. You really think the world revolves around you, don’t you? I sincerely hope she accepts the offer because she’s the type of person who won’t hesitate to put you in your place.”
“I’d like to see her try,” I quip.
“You’re in for a rude awakening, Elliot.”
I roll my eyes.
“Just offer her the job.”
“I can’t wait to say I told you so.”
“Excuse me?”
“When she hands in her resignation in less than six months, I’ll be shouting, ‘I told you so’ from the top of my lungs. Karma is a bitch, Elliot.”
Karma came for me a long time ago, honey. The planet I reside on is karma. The universe finds new ways to fuck with me every day.
“We’ll see about that,” I clip. “If she accepts, tell her I’ll see her bright and early Monday morning.”
“Are you an idiot?” she sneers. “First off, I’m not calling her on a Friday night to make a job offer. Do you understand how unprofessional that is? And secondly, if she were to accept, the background process would take at least a week to complete. For once in your life, you’re going to need to have some patience.”
“I have been patient,” I object. “I’ve been patiently drowning, asking for an assistant for years. So don’t talk to me about patience.”
Another beat of silence passes.
“You know,” she pauses, gathering her thoughts. “The least you could do is say thank you. I have worked my assoff to fill this position, and you’ve been nothing but an ungrateful prick. You are the most self-centered person I know.”
I lean back against the tiled wall, slumping my shoulders. When I stop to think about it, I have been a complete dick to her.
“Fuck,” I sigh. “I’m sorry, Sky. I’m just stressed out.”
