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It’s four in the morning when I wake up with tears on my cheeks. I switch on the light and get up, knowing I won’t be getting any more sleep tonight. I go to the dresser, open the drawer where, at the back, I keep a box. I carry it to the bed, open it. Inside are just a few things. Memories. The first is the ring. His ring. The Benedetti family crest dark and proudly displayed. I always notice it on Salvatore’s finger too.
I slip it onto my finger. It’s so big and heavy, I have to hold it in place to look at it.
I’m to give it to Jacob when he’s sixteen. It’s part of the agreement. I’m not yet sure I can, but it’s what Franco expects.
But I’m not above going back on my word with Franco Benedetti. I don’t want Jacob involved in this life. I don’t want him to die the way his father died.
Slipping it off my finger, I set it back inside the box and smile at the next thing I see. An 8X10 of us on our wedding day. Sergio is holding my hand and smiling so wide. And he’s just whispered something into my ear that made me laugh so hard, I’m almost doubled over.
It’s strange, if you look at my face, all you see is the happiest bride in the world. And I was happy in that moment. I remember the nagging feeling of something not quite right, and I know now that it was a premonition, but still, in that moment, I remember feeling happy.
I set the box down and put the expensively framed photo on the nightstand. And it feels right. Something inside me tells me this is right.
I’ve grieved for over a year. Sergio is gone. But I have Jacob now. And I have my memories. I’ll take them. Take the bad, the sad, with the good. And in a way, time has been kind to me. Time is making me remember the good ones. Even though I never forget the sad. The feeling is always there, always along the edges of those happy moments, but it’s manageable, more and more as time passes. I’ll always love Sergio. He’ll always be the love of my life. And I’ll honor him. I’ll raise his son to know him. Know his father as I knew him. Devoted and full of love.
That’s what Jacob will know of Sergio.
Because that’s who Sergio was.* * *The end.
