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He smiled.
“You like them,” he said.
I nodded my head. “I love them. A lot.”
His eyes went soft as he reached for another ornament.
“You want kids of your own?” he asked, sounding contemplative.
I was already nodding my head before he’d even had a chance of finishing his question.
“I…” I blew out a breath. “I used to want a lot. Now? I’ll settle for only one.”
His eyes went a little sad for a second, making me tilt my head in his direction in confusion.
“What is it?” I questioned, sensing he had something to say.
He hung up two more ornaments way up high on the tree before answering.
“I can’t have kids,” he said, sounding sickened.
My belly dropped at his words.
I frowned. “You can’t?”
He shook his head, looking lost for a second.
“With all of my injuries, the prolonged infections, as well as the overall hit my body as a whole took, there was just no combatting it. I found out while I was in Germany that I was most likely sterile. I had it confirmed a couple of months ago. There are definitely no little soldiers swimming in my batter.” He tried to make light of it, but I could see how it hurt him to say it. “So yeah, can’t have any kids.” He paused. “Not that any kids need to grow up with this face as their parent. Can you imagine them seeing me? They’d probably scream.”
Those words felt like taking a punch straight to the soul.
“Riel, I’m sorry,” I said softly.
He shrugged, as if he wasn’t affected by the words that’d just left his lips.
I didn’t know what to say to him, so I chose to change the subject instead.
That was me. Handler of all things heavy.
“Hey,” I said. “Janie, a friend of Luca’s, got back to me on Maxie.”
Riel pulled on the beard that he started growing a few months ago, looking torn between wanting to know about him, and wanting to stay blissfully ignorant.
“The dog was never taken to Florida in the first place,” I explained, not waiting for him to get the courage to ask. “He was surrendered right here in Kilgore.”
Riel stiffened.
“They told me that they took him home,” he said evenly. “Had him for six months before they realized I wasn’t coming back and gave him up.”
I shrugged, unsure what to tell him.
His parents were pieces of work, what could I say?
It was almost as if they weren’t his parents at all.
“Did she find the dog?” he asked almost reluctantly. “Did the dog get adopted?”
I now understood.
He was afraid that the dog was euthanized.
That was awful.
“A volunteer took Maxie home,” I said finally. “I think she’s still fostering him, to be honest. They haven’t officially adopted him.”
“They?” he asked curiously.
“Well, the woman, Sierra, lives with her brother. The dog’s been staying with the both of them since she brought him home,” I explained.
He was nodding his head in understanding.
“Do you… do you think we should go see him?” Riel asked curiously.
I could tell that Riel didn’t really want to go, and I didn’t know why.
“Only if you want to,” I admitted. “We don’t have to do anything.”
He scrunched up his face, and the scars around his mouth and eyes pulled tight.
I wanted to smooth out the creases in his forehead with my lips.
I didn’t.
Though it took everything I had not to wrap my arms around the man.
“She walks the dog every day at the trail,” I said, offering him up a solution. “We could go there, walk it. If you happen to want to go see the dog, cool. If not? We could just hang back. Watch.”
Riel breathed a sigh of relief, and once again, I wished that he would tell me what was going through his head instead of keeping it bottled up inside in his emotional vault.
Then again, I was one to talk.
I had emotions battering me left and right, yet I couldn’t tell him a single thing.
I had all of these feelings rocketing through me, and not one of them seemed to be able to make it out of my mouth.
“Sure,” he croaked.
I made a grab for his hand, not allowing myself time to think or question what I was doing.
When his eyes met mine, I didn’t see the scars.
I didn’t see the horror that he went through.
I only saw him.
“I’ll be there, okay?” I said. “I won’t let you go by yourself.”
He swallowed hard.
“I don’t know why I’m being such a little bitch about this,” he admitted. “Something’s telling me not to do it, though.”
I didn’t know what or why, but if he didn’t want to do it…
“We don’t have to go…” I said softly.
He was already shaking his head.
“I feel like this imposter living this life,” he said. “I feel like I’m going to see this dog, and the dog is going to think I’m just any other human. I’m tired of not knowing who I am.” He paused. “I’m being a little bitch. But… for some reason, this damn dog is important.”
