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Two fucking days.
My brain added: only.
But it was hardly a consolation.
I heard the water running and rolled onto my back in time to watch him walk in from the bathroom. Disappointment was a plummeting sensation inside when I realized he wasn't naked like I had expected, but already in jeans and a white tee.
His head ducked to the side, his eyes soft and appraising as he sat down beside me on the mattress, reaching out to do his thing, meaning run his finger down my jaw and then stroke down the cleft in my chin.
"I don't want to leave you," he admitted, making my belly flip-flop, perhaps liking that way more than I should have.
I forced a smile, the motion required genuine work and even then, I know it didn't even come close to reaching my eyes. "I'll be fine," I assured him, not fully believing it myself, but knowing if I stayed inside his place, I had a better chance than at my own.
His gaze dipped, roamed over me in a way that seemed somehow both sweet and possessive, making me acutely aware of my nudity but for the first time, maybe completely unbothered by it.
"How are you feeling?"
God, he was so good.
Way, way too good for me.
"You don't have time to have a therapy session with me," I told him, giving him a smile that was more convincing. "Your brothers are waiting for you."
"They're happy for the delay. Their brains must be sledgehammers this morning. Tell me," he demanded.
How was I?
Emotionally? Confused, excited, almost painfully happy, and so incredibly scared that it was a physical weight on my chest.
Physically?
"A little achy," I told him. "Muscle aches are the biggest problem it seems."
He nodded at that, eyes almost invasive, boring into me, trying to read my secrets. "Don't be surprised if it gets worse when you're alone. You'll have nothing but your thoughts to drive you crazy. Don't think of it as regression if your stomach gets torn up again or you get the shakes or you are cold or hot or restless. It's all normal. It's all part of the process. Me being around has been a good distraction, but eventually all of this was going to come up anyway."
"I'm not going to go and..." I started, only to be cut off when his finger pressed into my lips.
"Don't make promises," he said, his voice almost pleading. "Shit happens in recovery and I don't want you feeling guilt or pressure on top of what you're already dealing with. Do that cheesy thing they always talk about," he went on, smile wry, "and take it a day at a time. I don't have much around here, but there's the TV and some books, including some NA books in the living room. Plenty of food to cook."
"It's just too days," I insisted, finding myself in the strange position of needing to comfort him, realizing how much that meant because if I had to comfort him, it meant he genuinely cared about what I might go through while he was gone.
It was an altogether too nice feeling, like sand warmed from the sun on a cool spring beach- like I used to feel in my childhood when my mother would bring us, insisting that the best time for the beach wasn't in the summer, but the off-seasons, when it was big and vast and intimidating and wildly beautiful, not covered in umbrellas and beach towels and old bottle caps.
It was comforting.
Familiar.
"I know," he agreed, leaning down to plant a kiss between my breasts. Then he got off the bed and went into the other room, coming back with a cell. "I got this," he told me, handing me what was clearly a burner. "I didn't think it was good for you to have your own cell back yet in case you have contacts that might be too tempting. But I don't like you being without something. My number is programmed as is the compound. Only Reeve and Renny are there, but if you need them, they will come. I also added the number for Hailstorm and Penny's cell. You two seemed to get along. All the women are up at Hailstorm for some downtime and training. If you get bored or you don't feel like you can trust yourself, I told them you might call."
"Lazarus, I..."
"I didn't tell them," he cut me off. "About your detoxing. It's none of their business unless you want to tell them. I just said you would be here all by yourself and you might get bored and want to come up. That's it."
"Okay." I scrolled through the contacts before looking back up at him. "Thank you."
His smile went a little heated at that. "You can thank me with that sweet mouth when I get back in two days," he told me going to his bedroom door where a leather jacket was hanging from a hook.
