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I reached into my wallet, pulling out a hundred, walking up to the guy contemplating different cock rings, and waved the money in his face. "Hundred bucks to come back in an hour," I offered.
There wasn't even a hesitation before he took it, pocketed it, and almost ran for the door. I met him there, turning the sign, and locking the door.
"Eli, what the hell are you doi..." Autumn started from her position behind the desk. But when I turned, her whole body seemed to stiffen, her eyes going confused. "What's the matt..."
"I won't hurt you," I said, words barely enunciated properly my jaw was clenched so hard, sending a grinding, shooting pain up into my temple.
"Ah, okay?" she said, brows drawing together as I started toward her, grabbing a few things off the shelves as I did so.
"Not like that," I clarified.
Her eyes drifted to my hands, taking in the items I had picked up as I got closer.
"Eli, do you want..."
"I am going to hurt you," I clarified, watching for any sign of hesitation. Even a parting of lips would have been all I needed to know to back the fuck off. "But not like that. This is your out," I offered, slamming the packages down on the counter at her side, towering over her, letting her take in the vibration that seemed to make the air around me shake. "Take it if you want it. No questions."
"I don't want it," she said almost immediately, confidently, trusting me fully when I hadn't done one single goddamn thing to warrant that.
"Got a room without windows?" I asked as I reached into the giant bowl of condoms she kept at the register with a sign that said 'Play safe' on it.
"Stock room," she told me, voice already airy.
She wanted it.
She wasn't just obliging me because I needed it.
She wanted it.
It was twisted of me, wrong, unfair even, to want her to want it, to be pleased by her enthusiasm for me to hurt her.
But as soon as I walked into the store, understanding my intention, it clicked. It made sense.
It wasn't that I needed to get rid of the rage. I was pretty sure that history - even very recent history - proved that that wasn't even an option. It was going to come. It wasn't even always going to be triggered on command, or by passing by something that made me furious. The more I denied it, the better the chance for it popping up more randomly.
I never stopped to consider before that the solution wasn't to tamp it down. I didn't even see that there was another option.
To let it out.
With control.
To harness it.
Would there be pain?
Yes.
But catharsis as well.
I could release it, little by little.
I could use it, then let it the fuck go.
I could bring a small amout of pain as the rage drained from me.
Then I could bring pleasure to her, to me, to us both simultaneously, washing the rest of it all away.
Then starting fresh all over again.
"Let's go."NINEAutumnHe had left right after Coop's walk the night before.
And while a part of me was ready for round two, maybe an overnight so I could have round three in the morning, I still went to bed smiling.
I woke up to Peyton perched on the edge of my bed, staring at me, with two cups of coffee in hand.
"I will forgive the creep factor here since you come bearing caffeine," I told her as I moved to sit up against the headboard, reaching out to hold the too-hot Freddy cup, one she knew I particularly hated since she made me watch Nightmare On Elm Street as a teen.
"I would ask if you fucked, but your condom zipper in your purse was open, so I know you got down," she informed me, folding her unicorn-printed legging-clad legs under her, sitting half on her ass, watching me over the steaming cup of coffee that she was drinking out of my Phallus-opy mug I had for a promotion once. "Was it hot? I bet it was hot."
"He trapped my arms with my tee," I admitted because, well, she was my sister, and we always talked about stuff like that. "For the whole time."
"Oh, he's fun in bed too? Ugh, so not fair! Usually, the hot guys are machine-gun fuckers. So boring."
"He's not a machine-gun fucker," I laughed. I had had a machine-gun fucker in my life too. She was right; they sucked. Bangbangbangbangbang. Nothing interesting, nothing unexpected, nothing fun. Just a cock slamming into a pussy. Lame. I appreciated way too many variations of sex to settle for that long-term. "It was hot. A little demanding. He likes to talk."
Her lips pursed carefully, brow raised. "Was he good at it? There's nothing worse than a bad dirty talker."
That was the damn truth.
