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She took a deep breath, wiping away all her tears.
“You don’t owe me anything. I’m fully aware of that, baby. But you need to know the truth. I owe you that and so much more.” It was my turn to take a deep breath. “For the ten years you were in Europe, I was barely fucking living. I was going through the motions. Waiting for the day that someone would finally end it all. I was fucking exhausted. I am fucking exhausted. I’m too old for this shit. I was a broken compass pointing to nowhere. I missed you. I craved you. I dreamt about you. Every second of every day, I spent thinking about nothing but you. I just wanted to end it all. Living a life where no one cared if I was dead or alive finally ran its toll. I fucking needed you. For the first time in my life, I needed someone. You.”
“Jesus… Alejandro,” she muttered, her lips trembling.
“I know it’s a lot to take in at once. If I had more time to talk to you, it would be different, but I don’t. And I’m not leaving this room until you know everything. No more secrets, no more lies. No. More. Demons.”
She nodded, wanting to hear the rest of what I had to say.
“The FBI had been on my ass for years. Fucking decades. Austin was so grateful for my part in Briggs and him getting back together. He gave me the heads up that his friend, Dylan was getting close to exposing me. Bringing me in. He’s a narcotics detective and had been working on my case for God knows how long. That’s when I realized that this was my chance to walk away. With you. To end it all. This was my demise.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“I wanted to come for you before you got in your car accident, but I thought I was doing the right thing staying away. When Leo told me you were badly hurt it only signified what I was doing. What I was planning. I thought I lost you. For good. When you woke up and saw me in your hospital room, everything was already set in motion.”
“What?”
“My death.”
She narrowed her eyes at me, still not understanding.
“I made a deal with the government. I give up the names, information on all the men they spent decades trying to get, and in return I get to walk away with a new identity. I knew it was going to take time, but I never thought it would take three years. I spent those years being who I always wanted to be with you. Needing you to finally meet the man you always wanted. I let myself really be with you, for the first time. I didn’t give a fuck anymore. Right or wrong. You’re mine. End of story,” I revealed, laying all my cards out on the table. “Cariño, I tried to give you clues the only way I possibly could. Hoping maybe you would catch on. You never did. Dylan, Austin and Leo knew from the start. They helped me with everything. Briggs knew something was going to go down, but she didn’t know the specifics. It’s why they let you go.”
“I saw you… with the woman, she was in your bed. She was with you all the time. The newspapers—”
“You saw what I wanted you to see. The woman on my arm is a VIP. She’s a fucking escort. I needed to have my enemies see me with someone else, just in case. For your safety, I needed to take the heat off of you. It was the only way I could protect you. The day you came into my house, it was planned. I needed you to hate me. I needed to reel you in. I needed to bait you to pull that fucking trigger. It was all staged. I wanted you to shoot me. That’s why I was so cruel, saying things I didn’t mean. I never—”
“Your mother’s cross. She was wearing it. I saw—”
I pulled it out from under my collared shirt. “This one?”
Her eyes widened in disbelief.
“She was never wearing this cross. I had a duplicate made. I never wanted to hurt you again. It killed me inside to have to do this to you. The day of Michael’s christening, Dylan told me I had three months to pull this off. And I was telling him and Austin that I didn’t think I could go through with it anymore.”
“Oh my God. Before Creed barged in. That’s what you were talking about? I overheard you. And when I saw you having a deep conversation with Briggs, you were telling her?”
I nodded.
“That’s why you flipped on me? You changed overnight… I thought you were having second thoughts about us. I thought—”
“The only thing that kept me going was the end result.”
“Alejandro, I could have killed you.”
“It was a risk I was willing to take.”
“Why?”
I stood, walking over to her. She eyed me warily, but didn’t back away. I couldn’t blame her for looking at me that way. I deserved it and more. I was surprised she even let me say everything I needed to. Not that I would have given her a choice in the matter. I sat on the edge of her bed with very little distance between us.
She swallowed hard, waiting for my answer. I didn’t falter, taking off my mother’s cross necklace. “Because it would give me you. I could burn my past. And have a fresh future with you. I couldn’t bring you into this life, Lexi, but I could have you take me away from it. I had to fake my own death. I kept your scent as my talisman,” I rasped, caressing the side of her face. Trying to ease her anxiety with my touch. “I gave away my life and soul to be with you. I want you, it’s only been you. I don’t care where we will go, or what we will do. You are my beginning and my end.”
She closed her eyes, fresh tears falling down her beautiful face. I placed the necklace around her neck. Whispering in her ear.
“It will protect you. Even when I can’t.”
“What happens now?” she asked with a shaky voice, taking the cross in her hand. Her eyes still shut.
“Now. I leave.”
She instantly opened them. I reached into the pocket of my suit jacket, handing her an envelope. She eyed it before grabbing it out of my hand, opening it and looking at the information.
“Italy?” she stated as a question.
“It’s a one-way ticket, you can use it whenever you’re ready. I want you to come on your own terms. It’s where I’ll start my new life, praying you’ll be right next to me in the place you’ve always dreamed to live. Everything you need to know is in this envelope. Including where to find me. My destiny is literally in your hands. It’s always been in your hands. I will wait for you for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. I’m so fucking sorry, cariño. If you can give me a chance, if you can forgive me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I promise.”
“Alejandro—”
She broke down, so overwhelmed with her emotions.
“I need some time to take all this information in. It’s all so overwhelming. I thought I fucking killed you, I was about to turn myself in. My life has been nothing but heartache with dustings of happiness. And it’s not just me…” she began to sob harder. “I don’t know if I can forgive you, Alejandro. You broke my heart more than once. It’s just been too much. I don’t think I can get past it. I don’t think I can forgive you this time.”
I pulled her into my arms, holding her so goddamn tight. Needing to feel her, hold her, comfort her.
Fucking love her.
“Te amo, Lexi. I love you with each breath I take. With every beat of my heart, my future belongs to you. Para siempre,” I breathed out into her ear. “Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I need you. I can’t live without you. I’ve tried…” I whispered, trying to hold it together. “Take all the time you need, but please come to me.” I held her for as long as I could, but it wasn’t nearly enough. “I have to go. I was only allotted an amount of time, and I’ve already gone way over it.” I kissed her forehead, yearning to kiss her fucking lips. Holding my future in my arms.
We locked eyes.
There was so much more I wanted to say. It took everything inside of me not to throw her over my shoulder and drag her onto the plane with me. It needed to be her choice, I couldn’t make decisions for her anymore. I took one last look at her.
Silently hoping…
This wasn’t the end of our love story.
And I left.
> Three months went by and I hadn’t seen or heard from Lexi. When I arrived in Italy, I made sure I had everything ready for her. Everything she could ever want or need, waiting for her like a desperate man. She never came. Old habits die hard though, and I still had Leo watching over her. In the wake of my death, I didn’t know what could happen. I always kept Lexi out of the press, unknown to anyone associated with me, except Leo. Just because most of my enemies were rotting behind bars, thanks to me, didn’t mean she couldn’t get caught in the crossfire.
He never went into too much detail, our conversations had to remain short. He only reassured me that she was safe. Still living in that shitty fucking apartment in Manhattan, instead of in paradise with me. During the three years that the FBI were collecting information, going undercover, getting everything in order for search warrants for arrests, I made sure to get all my finances in fucking order before I had to disappear. It was why I spent so much time working.
Leo had access to all my funds, doing what he always did for me. Making sure I stayed rich as fuck. He opened up multiple untraceable bank accounts, laundering my money to the Cayman Islands and Switzerland. Where the U.S. government could never touch it. He opened up trust funds for my great niece and nephew, Amari and Michael. Their colleges, weddings, and whatever the fuck else they might need would be provided and taken care of. Briggs wasn’t happy when I told her I had him open a trust for her as well, but she knew better than to argue with me about it. I still hadn’t told her the truth about her father, I didn’t want to ruin the illusion of the perfect dad she had in her memory. I had already created too much negativity in her life. I was waiting on Lexi, to see how she wanted to proceed with telling Briggs they were half-sisters. If she even wanted to tell her at all.
Leo opened another account for Lexi, in case she ever needed anything, it would be at her disposal. I bought a house off the Amalfi Coast, right on a cliff like Lexi wanted. I spent every night on the balcony looking up at the stars, waiting for her to come to me. I couldn’t wait to show her the view, hold her in my arms and watch for shooting stars. Like the nights we spent in Colombia years ago. I thought after I left my past behind, I would finally be at peace. Possibly even be able to sleep. Neither had happened. And as more time went on, I started to think it never would. I found myself giving up on all hope that she would forgive me. God knows I didn’t deserve her.
Only a few of my closest connections knew I was alive, men I knew I could trust. If they needed anything they knew to call Leo, and he would get ahold of me. No one knew where I was or how to reach me, except Leo, Briggs, and Austin. I guess Amari was already begging her parents to come see me, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss them. There was nothing for me to do with my days anymore other than think of them.
Of her.
“Señor, you here again?” Rosa, the owner said in a thick Italian accent.
She was a little Italian woman in her mid-seventies, who stood maybe to my waist. There was something about this place that made me come back every day. It was a small restaurant on a cobblestone street in town. It reminded me of a pizzeria in Manhattan with its tables lined with red and white checkered tablecloths, and a fresh rose in a red vase.
“How come you by yourself? Every night you come. You drink. You eat. You drink more. You smoke el sigaro. You no smile. You no laugh. You no talk. But again you come. Same thing. Where is the signora?”
“No signora, Rosa,” I replied, taking another puff of my cigar.
“No signora? You so handsome. I have a niece. Beautiful. Bellissima.” She kissed her fingers. “I introduce.”
“No, Rosa. I have a woman. One that…” I took a deep breath, “consumes me.”
“Ah, señor, you in love. L'amore!” she wiggled her eyebrows, causing me to chuckle. “Where is this woman? She never here.”
I took a sip of my wine. “I wish I knew, Rosa.”
“You no worry. You in Italia. Paradiso di amore! She come to you. When she ready.”
I nodded. “That’s what I’m hoping for.”
“You dinner. On me. You drink. You eat. No pay.”
“Rosa, you don’t—”
“Señor, I’m old enough to be your mamma. We famiglia now.”
I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Immediately thinking about how Lexi wanted to live here because the people were so welcoming and loving.
“There it is.” She grabbed my face in between her hands. “The smile. Such a handsome man. Quanto è bello. You trust in love. She will come. I know it.” She kissed my head and left.
I killed two bottles of wine and opened another one when I got home. Taking it out to the balcony with me just as the sun was about to set. Not bothering to grab a glass. I laid on the lounger, listening to the upbeat Italian music in the distance. There was always some sort of party or festival going on in the area. My thoughts drifted, picturing Lexi and I dancing around the balcony, so carefree. Wishing I had danced with her more when we were together. Nightfall took over, the music shifted into a romantic melody, and all I could imagine was laying her down on the lounger and spending hours making up for our time apart. I shook off the sentiment, taking another swig from the wine bottle. Numbing myself with alcohol, lying back to look at the stars. Wondering if she was ever looked at the same night sky thinking about me.
The breeze from the fresh air, the wine, the food, the exhaustion, finally won and I fell into a deep sleep. Dreaming of her face, hearing her voice, smelling her all around me.
“Lexi… I love you…” I groaned in my sleep.
“I love you, too.”
My eyes fluttered open, blinking a few times. Thinking my mind was playing tricks on me, or the wine went straight to my goddamn head.
“I’m here, Alejandro,” Lexi announced.
She was sitting in the chair next to me. Looking like a fucking goddess. Her skin was glowing. Her green eyes were shining so bright. Her soft, silky hair was down, blowing in the wind. She was wearing a yellow flowing dress.
My cock fucking twitched at the sight of her.
“Jesus Christ, you’re even more breathtaking than I remember.” I rolled toward her, reaching for her waist. Not wanting to waste one more second not touching her. She put her hands up, stopping me.
“Lexi, I haven’t seen or felt you in so fucking long. Please at least come lay in arms.” I narrowed my eyes at her.
She shyly smiled, saying, “We need to talk.”
“First words every man wants to hear, cariño.”
“Okay… then I need to talk to you and you need to listen. I know how hard that is for you but—”
I didn’t falter, stating. “Done.” And I pulled her to me.
He was relentless. When Martinez wanted something, there was no stopping the man. He was insatiable. He tugged me forward, making me straddle his waist. His hands immediately traveling up my thighs.
I stopped him again.
He grinned, devouring me with his eyes. “You said I needed to listen to you, not that I couldn’t touch you.”
“Alejandro…” I warned in a stern voice.
He reluctantly placed his arms behind his head, which only made him look more mouthwatering. Breaking my resolve already. He arched an eyebrow when he realized what I was thinking.
“It’s okay, baby. I want you to touch me.”
I shook my head, trying to stifle a laugh. “This is not going how I planned.”
“I—”
“No talking.” I placed my hand over his mouth. “Just listening. There’s a lot I need to say to you before you sweet talk your way back into my life again.” He kissed my palm, nipping it as he winked at me.
I pulled mine away. “First and foremost, you need to know I’m here under certain conditions. One of them being, our relationship will remain strictly platonic.”
His jaw clenched.
“I have spent the last three months going back and forth with what I should do about you. About us. Weighing the pros and cons
of coming here. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself at the airport. Boarding a plane to Italy. The pros outweighing the cons in a sense.”
He smiled, reaching for me again.
“Wait, let me finish,” I interrupted, stopping his hands. “What I say next may hurt you, but at this point… I don’t really care. I don’t trust you enough not to hurt me again. You’ve broken my heart more times than I care to count. In fact, other women would probably tell me I’m insane for even being here. And they would probably be right.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it when I shot him another warning glare.
“You’re an asshole, Martinez. A downright fucking bastard. You treated me like shit when all I ever did was love you. I understand why you did it, now. I get that you needed to push me away. But that doesn’t change the fact that you still hurt me. It doesn’t take away the pain you inflicted, the memories that I’ll always remember, and the nights I cried myself to sleep. Alone.”
He grimaced not trying to hide it like he usually would.
“With that said, you also saved my life more times than I probably even know. You protected me, watched over me, took care of me. In a twisted way, you were like my guardian angel. I can’t overlook that, and I won’t. What you did for me when I was kid…” My eyes began to water. “The first time that monster came into my room, I was sleeping. I woke up to the strong scent of whiskey hovering over me. He called me Sophia over and over again as I felt his hands roam all over my body.” I shuddered, a cold chill coursing through me. Shaking off the images, I continued. “I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to die. It was the first time I experienced true evil in this world. Making me realize the entire time I was with you, Alejandro, in your world. I’ve never felt so safe.”
The serious expression on his face captivated me in a way I had never experienced before. Which only added to the plaguing emotions that ran thick between us.
“You made sure I ended up in a decent foster home, paying for my college, giving me extra money to live off of, saving me from Nikolai, my ballet studio in your penthouse, taking care of me after my accident, spending God knows how much money on the best doctors, the best medical attention, my ballet studio, and everything else in between. Your actions spoke volumes when there were no words. You may have hurt me emotionally, but you’ve always taken care of me physically. No matter what, no questions asked,” I expressed, needing to get it all out.
