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I wanna move to my side, to stare at her better, reach out to see if I’m trippin’ on more than liquor, but I don’t dare move and chance waking her. If she wakes, she might leave.
She was right, so fucking right. Love made me weak, but only for her.
I don’t want to let him keep you, baby.
My eyes fly to hers right as a tear rolls over the hump of her nose.
She pulls her lips in and more come.
“Why you here?” I rasp.
“You asked me to be,” she whispers back.
I frown and finally her eyes open, meeting mine.
They’re bloodshot from lack of sleep, meek and flightless – not Raven.
“I asked you to come to me?”
She nods.
“And you did?”
“Always will.”
“What if I asked you to leave him?” I study her. “Would you?”
“Am I sick if I say yes?” she whispers back instantly.
My eyes slam shut.
Fuck.
“You were hoping for a different answer.”
“I don’t know, Raven. I don’t know anything anymore.”
She’s quiet a moment before she says, “You wouldn’t do it, would you? You wouldn’t ask me to?”
I force my eyes back to hers, and the weight of a ton of bricks settle over me. She stares, completely vulnerable, eyes bare in every way and locked on mine.
Pleading without words.
“Stop, Raven,” I rasp, pushing myself into a sitting position, taking a second to shake off the dizziness that follows.
“Stop what?”
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
I shake my head, looking everywhere but at her. “You know like what,” I whisper. “I’m not strong enough to say no to you.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to be.”
“That’s not fair.”
“None of this is fucking fair!” She shoots to a sitting position.
“You don’t have to do this,” I mumble. “I already lost, but—”
“Lost?” Angry, her eyes slice to mine as she speaks through clenched teeth. “What did you lose here, huh?” she spits, shoving at me angrily. “You not only cut me at the fucking ankles, you left me there to bleed, too,” she rumbles. “You gave me an ultimatum that I didn’t even have to think on. Choose him, save your family – the only family I have ever known – fucking done, Maddoc!” she shouts. “It’s not my fault you pussed out and ran off like a little bitch at the first fucking sting!”
“First sting?” I gape at her. “Are you for real right now?” I push even closer. “You think standing there, asking you to be with my brother, that giving you away when all I’ve said was I’d never, that you were mine no matter what, didn’t fucking burn me, Raven? Because it did. I’d have welcomed a knife to the fucking side over that, over any of this, any day, all fucking day.”
“Yeah well, my mother got one in hers instead!” she shouts, dropping her arms to her side and looking off. She pulls her lips between her teeth a moment before her head snaps my way.
“I legitimately think I’m dying inside, Maddoc, and it’s like every second of every day I grow closer to emptiness. I look at him and guilt consumes me. I think of you and pain sends me fucking reeling. I look in the mirror and pure hatred stares back. I’m weak, I’m tired, I’m—”
“Pregnant,” I cut her off with a sharp tone. I snap my head toward her, and she frowns. “You. Are. Pregnant.”
“I didn’t do this on purpose.” Her brows meet at the center. “You think I know what to do with a kid, because I don’t. Or that I wanted one, because that would be a no, too. I’ve never even held a baby before. This was an accident,” she grates. “I wasn’t even supposed to be able to—”
A laugh bubbles out of me, but there isn’t an ounce of humor in it. I jump to my feet, ignoring the pounding of my head.
“Is this supposed to make it better, Raven? The story of how you accidentally got pregnant, and it wasn’t part of the fucking newlywed plan?” I shake my head, glaring at her. “You two must have been real fucking busy if I fucked you, for months, skin to fucking skin, over and over again, and you didn’t have so much as a damn scare, and here you are, married to him for what? A few days before he was in a coma and boom, baby fucking Captain is on the way?”
Her head jerks back.
“Or maybe you were on birth control when we were together, and stopped once you were a married fucking female, yeah?”
Her eyes fall to the grass, and slowly she pushes to her feet. When they come back to mine, she blinks several times as she backs away. “Maddoc...” she whispers all staggered like, shaking her head slowly. “Wow.”
Her shoulders fall, and she looks away. Her lips start to tremble, but then as if she’s resigned herself to her thoughts, she stands taller, wipes her hands down her sweats and steps around me, only to freeze once she’s at my back.
