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“I thought we’d said all that needed to be said.” Her flinch gave him a second of satisfaction before it turned to guilt. It shouldn’t be this way between them. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Lucy looked around as if checking to see if anyone was paying attention to them. Apparently finding they weren’t, she said, “I understand. I’ve hurt you, and for that I’m sorry.”

The North Pole would become a heated swimming pool before he let her know how badly she’d hurt him. “It didn’t work out. We’re both adults. We know the score.”

She blinked then looked away.

He’d sounded harsh, he knew. But he couldn’t continue to do his job, live his life if he didn’t start getting a handle on his emotions where she was concerned. The first step was making clear to her that he was moving on.

“Ryan, about Miguel Rivera. His mother called. She’s upset because she’s having difficulty getting Miguel into a program designed for children with epilepsy this summer. It’s too expensive for her to pay for and she wanted to know if you would consider recommending he attend. She believes he would qualify for a scholarship on your recommendation.”

“Have you checked this camp out?”

“I have. I think it would be very beneficial for Miguel.”

Ryan shouldn’t have bothered to ask the question. Lucy was thorough, if nothing else. She looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time in days. Those beseeching eyes would have him doing anything. How he still wanted her! “Then I trust your judgment. See that the paperwork gets to my desk. If they don’t get the scholarship, let me know. I’ll pay for him to attend.”

She sucked in a breath.

“Don’t act so surprised. You’re not the only one who can be philanthropic. Put the paperwork on my desk, and I’ll sign it this afternoon.”

“Thank you, Ryan.”

“Is that all?”

“I’d really like to say one more thing.”

Ryan shifted his weight from one foot to the other, waiting. Something about the hesitant way she said the words made him think he wasn’t going to like what came next.

“I’m only saying this because I care about you.”

His mouth quirked and took on a dubious line. Lucy had the good grace to look contrite.

“I’d like you to think about why you have such a difficult time talking to families—”

“I’m not going to discuss—”

“Ryan, you need to hear me out. You’ve retreated behind the pain and sorrow of your father’s illness and death for so long that you can’t bring yourself to be near anyone else in the same pain. You’d be a better doctor, even a happier person, if you would try, just try to see that and be a little more open with your patients’ families.”

He glared down at her. She’d thrown what they’d had together away and now she wanted to give him personal advice?

Before she could say more or he could respond, a nurse from the floor approached them. “Hi,” she said with a smile.

As she passed Ryan asked, “Are you headed back in?”

“Yes,” the nurse said, surprise in her tone.

“Mind if I walk with you?”

She gave him a brilliant smile. “Sure.”

“Enjoy your lunch, Lucy.” He turned and fell into step with the pretty nurse, whose eager, encouraging eyes made him wish that he could see that same look coming from Lucy.

Lucy had cried so much in the last few days that she didn’t think she could ever cry again. She was wrong. As she watched Ryan walk away and heard the cute nurse’s laugh, she was afraid another sobbing session was coming on. She wadded up her meal and shoved it into her sack.

Her days and nights had started to run together. She hadn’t really slept since the night she had lain curled in Ryan’s arms. Going through the motions was the only way she could describe her efforts at work. She’d managed to do what needed to be done for her patients but little else.

Most of her energy had gone into making sure her and Ryan’s paths didn’t cross. Working in such a large hospital had helped. It hadn’t worked today, though. She’d been completely surprised to see him in the park. Also the fact that Ryan spent so much time in the OR had helped.

She wasn’t proud of the fact she’d checked the schedule each morning and planned her visits to the patients’ rooms when she knew there was the least chance of running into him. Even though she made every effort not to see him, her body turned against her whenever she did. Heat rose in her every time she saw him.

Her life had gone from barely tolerable when she’d left Alexis’s home to impossible. The only shining moments had been those spent with Ryan. Now even those were gone. Knowing she’d made the right choice didn’t make it any easier to live without him. Seeing him daily at the hospital was a constant painful reminder of how much she cared.

She didn’t have to look at him to know when his gaze was on her. She felt it. Hot, heavy and beckoning. When she glanced at him he made sure to be looking elsewhere. His sunny, ready smile had become almost non-existent. The nurses were making comments about how much he’d changed, speculating on the cause.

He wasn’t happy and neither was she, but she didn’t know how to change it. Even if she wanted to, would Ryan forgive her for all the things she’d said to him? Based on the ease with which he’d left her to walk with the nurse, she’d say she’d lost her chance.

Her efforts to dodge Ryan were working better than those she used to keep Alexis at bay. Where Ryan was silently accepting, Alexis was overt and demanding. There were twice-daily calls asking when they might get together. Lucy had ignored the first day’s worth. The second day she’d actually spoken to Alexis but only long enough to say she was too busy to meet her.

She had to get control of her life. Did she want to continually live like this? She’d shocked herself when she’d stood up to Ryan. Even more so when she’d undressed in front of him and all of Lower Manhattan. She should be able to talk to her sister. Ryan was lost to her but maybe her sister wasn’t. She had to try. Nothing could be worse than what she had now.

She called Alexis as soon as she was out of bed the next morning.

“Alexis, can we get together tomorrow? I’m taking the afternoon off.”

“That sounds wonderful. We’re leaving the day after tomorrow and I’ve hardly seen you. I’ll meet you at the hospital if you want.”

Lucy couldn’t risk her sister running into Ryan. “I’ll come to your place. Take you out for lunch.”

“I’m looking forward to it. I’ve missed you, Luce.”

“Me, too,” Lucy whispered, after Alexis had hung up.

Lucy pushed away the strands of her hair that had escaped from the tight bun she’d worn the last few days. Just thinking about how much Ryan loved her hair made her feel self-conscious. Having it down reminded her of how he’d played with it as she’d explored his body. If she kept tight control of her hair, maybe she could govern her memories as well. She shuddered. Those moments were events she shouldn’t dwell on.

She raised her hand in the air to hail a cab. It surprised her how acclimatized to living in New York City she’d become in just a few weeks. Where she’d been intimidated by the large bustling city when she’d first arrived, now she could throw up an arm and hail a cab with ease.

Even the subway system was starting to feel familiar to her and her on-time rate was improving because she wasn’t lost all the time. She was starting to think of the city as home. Where she’d been a meek and mild person unsure of what to do and where to go, she’d become much more confident. That was empowering.

How often had she told her patient families that when they got out on the other side of the tough times they would find a bright spot? It was no different for her. She had lived her life not in the shadow of Alexis but with her leading the way all the time. Now she was her own person, having to fight her own battles. She was a stronger person for making the move to New York.

She could

face Alexis. Would tell her the truth. With new resolve Lucy stepped out of the taxi and entered Alexis’s building, making her way up to the correct floor. Could things between them be worse than they already had been? She loved Alexis and Alexis loved her. They would get through this. Wasn’t it the same with Ryan? She wasn’t so sure. Could she forgive him if he’d treated her as badly as she’d treated him?

She rapped her knuckles firmly against Alexis’s door. Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin to cover the jitters that felt like a flock of birds taking off in her belly, Lucy waited.

Too soon for her nerves the door opened and Alexis stood there. The warm smile of welcome Lucy had received days earlier had disappeared. Alexis pierced her with a look.

“Come in and tell me what’s going on.”

Lucy should have known she couldn’t hide from her sister long. Nothing got by her. She knew Lucy too well.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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