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“Enough with the baby tears. Jax, let go of her. She’s fine.”
He glares at me, as she weeps some more. “Way to go, dumbass.” He pats her back.
I don’t know why I’m angry. I mean, it’s some girl I met moments ago. But I stomp over, grabbing her arm, and pull her to me. She buries her head in my shirt and sobs. My brother and I are super tall for being eight, so her head comes up to my chin.
“God, stop, Kitten.” I sigh. “You can wear these stupid dresses if you want. I have to toughen you up.”
She shudders and mumbles something about hating New York, her mother, father, and being alone.
“Hey, if you stop crying, we’ll let you in our club. It’s us against the world. But you can’t be a crybaby, okay?” Tightening my arms around her, I notice she’s awfully skinny. She must get that from her mom.
She looks up at me. I mean she’s only a girl, but with her long dark eyelashes that are spiky with tears and her deep blue eyes, she’s so pretty I almost look away. Almost. Before I can stop myself, I blurt, “You don’t ever have to be alone again.”
It’s then that her big red puffy lips break into a smile and I smile back. “I like your dimples.” She reaches up and pokes them. We both start giggling.
“Gross, come on. Are we going to have any fun? Or are you guys going to stare at each other all day?”
“Oh, we’re going to have fun all right.” I grab her small hand, pulling her with me.TESS
Present day – twenty-five years old
Santa Monica, CALifting my head, I squint at my phone, glaring at it like it’s the phone’s fault it displays 4:45 a.m. on the home screen.
I groan and lie back down. Tiredness bears down on me like a heavy cloak draped across my body. Fluffing my pillows, I turn onto my side and stare at my dark room. What is wrong with me? Something’s not right. I never do this. All night, I’ve tossed and turned but can’t fall into a deep sleep.
“God…” I murmur, laying a hand over my eyes. Whatever this is, I’m on edge. This is ridiculous. I have to get up in two hours. I rarely, if ever take Valium anymore. It is strictly for emergencies. Unfortunately, after tossing and turning all night I wish I had taken one.
Closing my eyes, I take measured, slow breaths in and out, visualizing I’m on a raft, and the peaceful ocean is all around me. The warm water soothes me; the waves gently rock me.
If only this nagging unease would go away, then sleep would come. Even an hour will help me get through the day, and I do need to get through the day.
At last, I start to drift. And then I hear it—my phone vibrates as if it has a life of its own.
Sitting up, I grip my sheet like a security blanket, the feeling of doom taking over my body. I know whoever awaits me on the other end of the line is what has kept me up all night.
I think about ignoring it. Prolonging my fate, my body in fight-or-flight mode. Slowly I reach for it, transfixed as it vibrates then stops.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I wait.
I have long ago given up on trying to make amends with myself. My pain pierces into me and I wonder if I will ever get over it. The decisions I made will haunt me, torture me. And I own it. I’m not the same scared girl anymore—I can’t be.
The phone comes back to life in my hand and I jump. Blinking at the name on the screen, I don’t hesitate this time. I answer it because I’m not running.
“Hello.” My voice is gravelly and I try to clear it. I have a raspy voice to begin with; the morning makes it worse.
Silence. “Tess?”
“What’s wrong?” I demand, barely able to swallow, my guilt threatening to pull me apart, my body starting to tremble.
“Oh, Tess,” I hear him sigh. I can almost see him pinching his nose.
Dread snakes around me, almost crushing me. “What?” I snap. “What is it, Jax?”
“I’m tired.” His voice cracks. Compassion floods me along with terror. Jax rarely admits weakness.
“What’s wrong?” I’m trying to hide my panic, but I can sense the truth. My heart pounds so hard, I feel it in my temples.
He snorts. “Funny. That’s exactly what he said.” He chokes on a sob.
Holy shit, this is bad!
“Jax? You’re scaring me.” My own harsh breathing is audible. I swallow, trying to stop a panic attack from coming on.
“You need to come home, Tess,” he sighs. Your time’s up. I wish… shit, I don’t even know what I wish.”
“What are you talking about?” I almost scream, my throat tightening.
