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“Yeah, take a seat.”
“What’s going on?”
Rock glances at Teller and gives him a go ahead signal.
“I’m worried about Heidi going home alone with the baby. Axel’s working long hours, and—”
“You want to have them stay here for a bit?” Sparky asks. By the way he’s bouncing around, he’s clearly excited about the idea.
“Rock and I discussed it this morning, and if it’s okay with you guys, we were going to offer them our old room,” Hope says.
What the actual fuck? “You’re what?” I snap.
Hope bites her lower lip, and Rock glares at me. No doubt for the sharp tone I just used with his wife.
“Sorry, Hope. This is just weird.”
“It’s temporary,” Rock says.
“A baby in the house will bring good energy for the plants,” Sparky assures us. Rock gives him the side eye.
“You’re gonna have to confine your smoking to the basement while the baby’s here,” he warns Sparky and Stash.
Sparky nods as if he doesn’t mind one bit and all this makes perfect sense. “I get it, prez.”
Teller paces and runs his hand over his chest. “I’m sorry. I know it’s gonna disrupt the whole clubhouse, but I’d really appreciate it. The hospital social worker’s been on her ass, too, so this will make them back off.”
Wrath sits up. Finally. No way our enforcer will let this happen. “Fuck it. I’m gettin’ sick of the place gettin’ trashed every weekend and havin’ to throw people out Sunday nights, anyway. She’s family. Of course we’ll help her out.”
Has the entire club lost their minds? “Do we get to vote on this?” I ask.
Rock narrows his eyes and turns my way. “Seriously? I thought you of all people would want to help her out?”
Shame burns through my anger. This isn’t about me or my wounded whatever. “You’re right. Sorry. I’m cool.”
Hope finally flashes a smile. “Thank you. I talked to her this morning, and she seemed so relieved when I asked her. She really needs all the support she can get right now.”
My face still burns even though Hope doesn’t seem to be judging me. “I know.”
“Thank you.” Teller squeezes Hope’s hand.
“You can thank me by helping me spruce up the room for them.”
Teller shakes with laughter and turns to Mariella. “I’ll help you, Hope,” she says.
“Well, one of you muscle-y wonders is needed to help me move some heavy boxes.”
“Hey,” Rock protests, making all of us laugh.
Hope pats his arm. “Your muscles are needed elsewhere, Mr. President.”
Wrath sits up and waves his hand in the air. “Before you two start going at it, when’s she gettin’ discharged?”
Hope’s mouth quirks, but it’s Teller who answers. “Tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, shit.” Wrath gestures at Teller and me. “You guys better hurry up.”
“Why’d I get roped into this again?” I ask.
Teller slaps my arm. “Don’t be a dick.”
We follow Hope upstairs. All she needed was for us to move a couple of boxes of books into her closet. Mariella stays and helps her make the bed.
“Feel good to be back home?” Teller asks on our way downstairs.
In spite of everything, it does feel good to be home. I’m not so sure I’ll have the same opinion tomorrow when Heidi and her husband move in a few doors down the hall from me. “Yup. It’s good to be back.”
My best friend doesn’t call me out on my fake smile or strained voice. He slaps my shoulder. “It’s good to have you back. Missed you.”
My whole life’s become surreal. How did I end up with a baby before my nineteenth birthday?
Axel, the baby, and I arrive at the clubhouse after I’m discharged from the hospital and are given Rock and Hope’s old room.
After a few days, I’ve settled into a bit of a routine. Even so, exhaustion pulls at me. The kind that leaves my head fuzzy and achy. Curling into a ball on the floor sounds good right about now.
Alexa’s a good baby. From what I’ve read, she could be way fussier than she is. Even so, I’m tired. After Axel leaves for work, I put Alexa down for her nap and crawl into bed.
A soft knock on the door has me groaning. Sleep. Just a few more precious minutes before she wakes up again. Why is that too much to ask?
Z’s on the other side, so I’m happy I dragged my butt out of bed. “Uncle Z!” He gives me a big hug, lifting me off the ground a bit.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t come see you in the hospital, Heidi-girl. I just got home.”
“That’s okay. It was too hectic anyway.”
“Can I see her?”
“Sure. She’s sleeping.”
“I’ll be quiet.”
By appearance alone, Z is probably pretty terrifying. He’s a big guy and covered from neck to fingertips in tattoos. When he smiles, though, he flashes dimples worthy of a college quarterback. As soon as he sees Alexa, he grins. “Aw, shit, Heidi. She’s so tiny. She looks just like you when you—” He stops and glances over at me. “Fuck, this is weird. In my head, you’re still four years old.”
“I know. I think my brother’s having the same problem.”
“No doubt. Where’s that husband of yours? I feel like kicking his ass.”
“Don’t you dare. He feels awkward enough about all this.” I wave a hand in the air to explain I mean staying here.
“Nothing to feel awkward about. There’re no hard feelings. He’s family, too, now.”
Z doesn’t realize it, but that gives me a piece of information I’ve been missing. Axel refused to tell me the circumstances of why he left the club. I assumed it was Murphy voting him down, but now I’m not so sure.
“Well, he’s at work anyway.”
He slips his arm over my shoulders and pulls me to his side. “You need anything? You okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired.”
“I bet. That’s why you’re here though, right? So we can help you out?”
The face I pull makes him laugh.
“Okay, so Hope, Trinity, and Mariella can help you out.”
“Hope’s already done enough for me.” My cheeks heat up. “I haven’t always been nice to Trinity, so—”
“Trin ain’t like that, Heidi. She loves you. You’re family.”
“I know. Mariella’s been a big help. I guess she had a lot of nieces and nephews.”
“Cool.”
Alexa kicks and blinks up at us. My dream of a nap floats away as I pick her up. Z holds his arms out. It’s strange for me to explain to my uncle Z how to hold her and support her head. I have a bit of anxiety when anyone besides me touches her, but he’s so gentle, I ease up quickly.
“Oh my God. That pouty-pissy face she’s making. You made the same one when you were little.”
“I did not.”
“Yeah, you did. You’re doing it right now.” Z chuckles. “See?”
“Shut up.”
He laughs harder, jostling Alexa. She grunts and waves her fists, smacking Z’s chin. “Ouch. She’s got a good right hook.”
“I think she needs her diaper changed.”
“That’s all you, Mom,” he says as he hands her back to me.
“Thanks.”
“Hey. What’s goin’ on?” Murphy calls from the doorway.
“Hey, brother. I just got in and wanted to meet the newest member of the family,” Z explains.
“Yeah. Welcome back.” He hesitates, his gaze darting between Z and me.
“You can come in.” Why not? Rock and Hope’s old room feels like party central since we got here.
Both of them watch me as I change her, talking about Z’s trip.
“I gotta go check in with Rock. I’ll see you girls later?” Z asks me.
“We’ll be here.”
He gives Alexa a kiss on the forehead and ruffles my hair.
After Z leaves, Murphy leans up a
gainst the wall by the door.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“Nothing. Wanted to say hello. See if you need anything,” he says, hovering in the doorway.
“I’m okay.”
“You have breakfast?”
“Yeah.”
“Got any plans?”
“Honestly? I think I’m going to feed her and pray she takes a nap, so I can take one.”
Murphy ducks his head and chuckles. “Okay. I’m headed into Furious.” He runs his hand over his beard, then down his chest. “If you need something, call me.”
My throat tightens from the simple offer. “Thank you,” I whisper.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I told you. I’m tired.”
He approaches slowly and asks to hold Alexa. “You can always ask one of us to watch her for a while if you need some rest.”
“I can’t yet.”
He cocks his head, inviting me to explain.
“I…I don’t know. I can’t really let her out of my sight yet.”
Some of the tension eases out of his face and he glances down at her. “Yeah. I can understand that.”
“Besides, she’s my responsibility. I can’t dump her on other people because I need a nap.”
“Uh, yes, you can. That’s why you’re here. So your family can help you out.”
I can’t because it’s too much like something my mother would do, but I don’t feel like bringing that up now. Murphy was there. He knows my history.
“Everything okay? Being here?” he asks.
“I guess. Are the guys mad we’re in the president’s room?” I meant it as a joke, but I’m so tired, my question sounds more serious than I meant.
“No, Heidi. We all just want to help you out the best we can.”
“Yeah, right. My brother’s probably plotting my husband’s murder.” That time it does sound like the joke I meant.
Murphy chuckles, jostling Alexa, who makes little squee noises. “I think she likes that,” I say.
“She’s really good.”
“I know. Our next one will probably be a holy terror.”
Murphy reacts as if I punched him in the gut. “Christ, you’re not already planning—”
“No. God, no. We didn’t plan this one.”
I swear he rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything, so I let it go.
He tilts his head, and his dark green eyes study me for a few moments. “I guess I won’t be taking you for your birthday ride this year.”
I barely choke back a sob. “I think those days are over,” I whisper.
“Yeah. Guess so.”
Neither of us seem to know what to say.
Finally, he hands Alexa back to me. He almost seems conflicted, as if he doesn’t want to let go. “I’d stay and help you out, but Wrath’s out today—”
“It’s okay.”
“Hey, lil’ sis,” Marcel calls out, not bothering to wait for me to invite him in. “What up, Murphy?”
“Heading into work. Just stopped by to say hi to Alexa.”
“Not me?” I tease.
His mouth curls up into a teasing, brotherly smile. “Yeah, you too.”
My brother sets a box down on the dresser and holds his arms out for the baby. “How come everyone wants to hold her until she needs her diaper changed?” I grumble.
Both of them crack up.
Murphy hesitates then gives me a clipped wave. “Catch you later.” I watch him go, feeling like we had so much more to say to each other.
“What’s in the box?” I ask after Murphy leaves.
Marcel grins and hands me the box. It’s small. Plain cardboard. Inside I find a bunch of photos thrown in. “Found those today. Think I grabbed them when we were cleaning out Grams’s place. Meant to give them to you to put in an album or something.”
“Oh, wow.” I drop down on the edge of the bed and flip through the photos. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen these.”
Marcel sits next to me, still holding Alexa, and looks at the photos with me. I stop on one of a younger Marcel, holding a tiny pink bundle. “That’s you. The day mom brought you home from the hospital.”
“Really?” I glance at the photo and then Alexa.
“She looks exactly like you,” Marcel says, reading my mind.
“That’s crazy.”
“Keep going.”
Pictures of the same baby taken over a series of days. “I took a photo of you every day.”
“Why?”
“So I could flip through them and see you change.”
“Really? You thought of that? You were ten.”
“I know. You were like my own personal science experiment.”
I bump him with my shoulder. “Jerk.”
The smile slides off his face, and the fierce big brother look I know well takes its place. “I think I saw one of those news shows about how you should always have a recent photo of your kid in case of kidnapping. Mom was so erratic, I was always worried something would happen to you.”
Tears fill my eyes. My brother’s always been good to me. But this is a side of him he rarely allows to be seen.
There’s another photo of Murphy, sitting on the twenty-year-old avocado-green couch my mother refused to get rid of, holding me. A goofy expression on his face has me either laughing or screaming, it’s hard to tell.
“He was so much more ginger back then,” I joke.
Marcel snorts. “Yeah. Don’t know what I would have done without him sometimes, you know? He used to help me steal formula when Mom forgot to leave money.”
“Seriously?”
“Hell yeah. We were destined to be outlaws.”
“Stealing baby formula?”
“That shit’s expensive. Pretty badass for a ten-year-old.”
“Figures she didn’t even breastfeed me.”
He pulls a disgusted face. “Trust me, it’s a good thing. You would have been high as fuck if she did.”
While we’re joking about some pretty fucked-up stuff, it also hits me how young my brother and Murphy were. They’ve always been older, obviously. Big brothers I looked up to. But in reality, they were both children. “Why did you take care of me?”
“What do you mean?”
I shrug, not sure how to put it into words. “You were ten. You didn’t have to do that stuff.”
His face turns hard. “No one else was gonna do it.”
“I know. Well, I get you, I was your sister. But why’d Murphy do it? I was nothing to him.”
He stares at me as if he doesn’t understand the words hanging in the air between us. “We did everything together. I told him I had to take care of you.” Marcel’s shoulders lift. “He wanted to help.” He stares at the pictures in my hands. “He loved you, too.”
I don’t know what to say, so I keep going through photos. Strangely, I actually recognize my mother. “Is that Helga?”
“Yup.”
I study the photo, finding hints of my brother and me in her. My mother was actually a pretty woman and I say that to my brother.
“Yeah, too bad that’s all she had going for her.”
“What? Her looks?”
“Yeah. She didn’t bother to finish high school. Made it hard to find a decent job. She moved from guy to guy.”
“Grams always called her a slut and a whore. She used to say I’d end up just like her.” Tears fill my eyes and I can’t say anything else.
Marcel gently grips my chin and turns me to look at him. “Hey, you’re nothing like her. And Grams was a bitch, but she was partially right. Mom hooked up with any guy she could for money or stuff they could give her. That’s why she was never around.”
“Where do you think she is now?”
“Hell?”
I roll my eyes. “I meant Mom.”
“Who the fuck knows. She doesn’t deserve to know either of us anyway.”
I glance down at the photo again. “She was too pretty for such an ugly name.”
/>
He snorts at my observation. “Yeah, and you always complained about Heidi. It would have been so much worse if Grams had her way.”
“Why?”
“She wanted Mom to name you after her.”
“Sue Ann?”
“No, her real name. Olga.”
“Ew. Yuck. She hated it. Why’d she want to stick me with it?”
He shakes with laughter. “Tradition?”
“God, we come from a fucked-up family.”
We spend most of the afternoon talking, reminiscing. I learn a lot of things I never knew about my mom and my big brother. I guess having a baby makes me an adult in his eyes, and he feels free to share all sorts of stories I’ve never heard before. I soak it up, loving every second.
“Hey,” Axel says as he comes in. He lifts his chin at my brother. “How you doing?”
“Good. How was work?”
“Long.” He glances at Alexa. “I hope she sleeps tonight.”
“She slept last night.”
“You were up every four hours with her.”
“Yeah, she’s a baby. The doctor said she needs to eat every four hours.”
Marcel drills my husband with a stern stare that Axel either ignores or doesn’t notice. Instead of saying something, my brother stands and kisses my forehead. “I have to go. Call if you need anything.”
“Come here,” I say to Axel. “I want to show you these.”
I flip through the photos, skipping the ones of my mother and any picture with Murphy. “Oh shit. Is that you?” His gaze darts between the photo and our baby. “Shit, she looks just like you.”
“I know. Freaky, right?”
He chuckles for the first time in days, and some of the tension seems to ease from him. “If she ends up being half as pretty as you, we’re totally fucked.”
“I know, right? I’ll kill her if she gets knocked up at eighteen.”
He leans over and presses a soft kiss on my cheek. “Amen to that.”
It’s been almost two weeks at the clubhouse, and Heidi shows no signs of moving back to our apartment. She’s loving the attention of having everyone visiting our room constantly. The guys all want to see the baby. Hope and Trinity fuss over Heidi and Alexa, which is nice, but it’s also getting old.
We have zero privacy.
I hate knowing Murphy’s only a few doors away from us. Even though he’s been civil to me, I’m on edge from being in such close proximity to the guy who basically kicked me out of the very clubhouse I’m now living in.
