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Fucking fantastic.
“Give me a second.” I jerk my thumb toward the front door. “I’m gonna take this outside.”
“Sure.” Her soft voice doesn’t give anything away. Does it bother her? Do I care?
“Hey,” I answer. How the fuck did I forget she was looking for me?
Truth is, I’ve barely given her a single thought since yesterday.
Jesus, has it only been one day since my world was turned upside down?
“Hi, baby.” Her breathy voice on the other end of the phone used to be an instant hard-on for me. Now, my stomach twists into knots at the sound.
“Hang on.” I swear the weight of Lilly’s gaze weighs on my shoulders as I step out onto the porch.
“Where are you, Z? Dex said you had the day off.”
Fuck, I don’t want to explain this over the phone.
“Friend’s house.” That’s not a lie, right? Lilly and I are friends. Friends who have a kid together now.
Would it hurt Lilly’s feelings if she heard me tell another woman we’re just friends? Friends who used to fuck doesn’t sound any better.
Why do I even care what Lilly thinks?
Stella’s not suspicious. Doesn’t even ask any follow-up questions. Nope, my porn-star girlfriend doesn’t give a fuck where I am or what I’m up to. Best of both worlds for me, right?
“I’ll be in town tomorrow night. Think we can hook up?”
Perfect. “You staying until Monday?”
“If you want me to.”
It’s the last fucking thing I want right now. All I want to do is soak up every minute I can with Chance. And there’s no fucking way I want Stella around when I’m doing it.
“What time you getting in?”
“Z, if you’ve got something else going on, that’s fine.”
What is it with me and chicks? The ones I’d consider committing to are always the female version of me. The couple times I approached the subject of Stella looking into a new career, so we could be more serious, she shut me down quick.
“No, I need to see you. I just need to move some stuff around.” There. Nothing makes her happier than me dropping everything to make time for her.
“You have room for me to do a shift at Crystal Ball?”
“Why you wanna do that on such short notice?” Shit, we have her perform as a featured dancer here and there. Brings in a good crowd and a lot of money for the club. She starts showing up on random nights, I got no incentive to make a big deal about her performances. Which isn’t good for my club’s bottom line.
“Thought it would give us time to hang out.”
“Nah, we’ll go somewhere.”
“You missing me?” she coos into the phone.
Shit, I haven’t thought about her much in the last twenty-four hours.
That’s not a good sign.
Fourteen
Lilly
I guess I had that coming. Of course, Z has girls calling him. I’m surprised there haven’t been more honestly.
It was obvious from the look on his face, she wasn’t an employee from the club.
At least he’s polite enough to go outside.
Pretending it doesn’t bother me, I concentrate on the schedule I was writing out for Z.
Unfortunately, our schedule’s been completely screwed up since leaving California. The time difference is part of it. Thankfully, Chance is easy-going. Except for some crankiness around nap times, he’s handled all the upheaval well.
Still, I need to do better for him.
The door quietly shuts, and I force myself not to look up at Z. If he says he has to go, it’s going to hurt, which is stupid, so I’d rather just pretend he’s not even here.
“Sorry about that.” The couch dips as Z reclaims his spot.
“That’s okay.” I rip off the top sheet of the notepad and hand it to him. “It’s only a rough schedule.” I’m so nervous, unsettled, whatever you want to call it, my shoulders jerk. “We’re still out of sorts. Time difference and all that, you know.”
I stand and tug my stupid dress down. “I’m tired. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Lilly, wait.” He grabs for my hand as I pass, but I yank it away. My bare leg brushes against the rough fabric of his jeans and there’s a stirring inside me I haven’t felt in a long time. Maybe not since the last—
Nope. Don’t go there.
Fast, I walk out of the room and slam the door to my bedroom shut. Tears threaten to fall, which just makes me angry. I’m still holding the pen and notepad in my hand and I chuck them against the wall.
“Lilly.” The door opens, bumping into me, knocking me forward. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you knock?” I turn, hoping my glare is enough to chase him off.
Click. He closes the door oh so quietly and stands there. Head cocked, eyes roaming over me.
“What’s the matter, Lilly?”
There’s the silent, cocky, smug Z I remember. He’s been off his game since we ran into each other. My fault, I know. But I figured this part of him would resurface eventually.
“Nothing. I told you. I’m tired.” I curl my fingers into the skirt of my dress and flap the material around. “I want to change.”
I tilt my head toward the door, hoping he’ll take the hint and get out.
But no, he crosses his arms over his chest and continues to stare at me.
“Do you need help opening the door?”
He squints. “Are you mad at me?”
“No. I’m tired,” I answer slowly.
I try to edge past him, but he grabs my arm, and spins me around, pulling me into his arms.
Oh shit.
My back hits the door with a thud and he swoops in, kissing the small, surprised cry away.
This is bad.
My hands explore his shoulders and creep up into his hair. It’s cut short, almost buzzed, not nearly enough to curl my fingers in the way I used to.
So bad.
I pull away and he growls, dragging me back. “Z, wait. What are we doing?”
He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, touching his cheek. “So—”
“Stop.” He shakes off my hand. “I don’t want to want you this way. I’m fucking furious with you.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“You haven’t even told me why.”
And I never will.
I swallow hard and look away. The pain in his voice kills me. Because I put it there and I can’t undo it.
He reaches for me again, settling his hand on my hip, playing with my dress. “This h
as been driving me nuts all night.”
I almost spill my father’s cruel comments from earlier but shake that off. Z’s not interested.
I bat my eyelashes and peek up at him. “Well, I was trying to change into something else.”
He lets out another growl and the hand on my hip tightens. He picks me up, moving me away from the door. His mouth crashes against mine. Confident. In charge. This is the Z I remember.
He drags his hands down, balling up my dress in his fists, and I freeze. But he doesn’t try to take it off. He finds my underwear and yanks them down my legs. My blood races. Tingles of anticipation dance over my skin.
Heart pounding, I wait for him to come closer. Until his hot breath brushes over my lips. Softer this time, his lips barely touching mine.
Z
“You want this, Lilly?” I ask as I walk her up against her bedroom wall. To finally hear I’m sorry pass her lips both breaks and infuriates me.
Instead of answering, she goes for my belt, working it loose then undoing the button and fly.
The second she reaches inside and grabs my cock with her soft, greedy little fingers, I push her hands away. “Not yet.”
“Are we? What are we—”
“I don’t fucking know anymore. I just want you right now.” I slip my hand inside my pocket, grab a rubber, and rip it open. “I need to be inside you. We can talk about our situation later.”
“I don’t know if I can…” She trails off and the tone of her voice makes me stop rolling the condom down my dick.
I glare at her. “You don’t know what?”
“If you don’t think we can ever be together—”
“Are you fucking serious? You never wanted that before.”
“Yes, I did. And now—”
“Don’t you dare use him to—”
“I’m not.”
I can’t stand the pleading look in her eyes, asking so many questions I don’t want to answer. Not when she won’t answer any of mine.
To escape her soul-sucking eyes, I grasp her hips and turn her to face the wall. “Tell me you want this.”
“I want you.” She arches her back as I grip her tighter.
