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“Hey . . .” I say.
He smiles. “What are you doing in here? Did you change your major?”
I adore the way his tongue hides behind his teeth when he smiles, I always have. “I was looking for you, actually.”
“You were?” He seems astounded.
Chapter eighty
HARDIN
Nine days.
Nine days have gone by without speaking to Tessa. I didn’t think it was possible for me to go a single day without speaking to her, let alone nine fucking days. It feels like one thousand, and each hour is more painful than the last.
When she left the apartment that night, I waited and waited to hear her footsteps rush through the door, and I waited for her voice to begin screaming at me. It didn’t come. I sat on the floor waiting and waiting. It never came. She never came.
I finished the beer in my fridge and smashed the evidence against the wall. The next morning when I woke up and she was still gone, I packed my shit. I got on a plane to get the fuck out of Washington. If she was going to come back, it would have been that night. I needed to get out of there and get some space. With alcohol on my breath and stains on my white T-shirt, I left for the airport. I didn’t call my mum before I got there; it’s not like she had anything going on anyway.
If Tessa calls me before I get on the flight, I’ll turn around. But if not, then too bad, I kept thinking. She had her chance to come back to me. She does every other time, no matter what I do, so why is this time so different? It’s not like I did anything, really; I lied to her, but it was a small-ass lie and she overreacted.
If anyone should be pissed off, it’s me. She brought Zed to my fucking house. On top of that, Landon comes barging in like the fucking Hulk and slams me into the wall? What the actual fuck.
This whole situation is utterly fucked up and it’s not my fault. Well, maybe it is, but she can come crawling back to me, not the other way around. I love her, but I’m not making the first move.
Day one was spent mostly on the airplane sleeping off my hangover. I got many dirty looks from snobby-ass flight attendants and assholes in business suits, but I could give a fuck less. They don’t mean shit to me. I took a cab to my mum’s and nearly choked the driver. Who charges that much for a fucking ten-mile cab ride?
My mum was shocked and happy to see me. She cried for a few minutes, but thankfully she stopped when Mike appeared. Apparently the two of them have begun to move her things into his house, and she plans on selling hers. I don’t give a shit about that house, so it’s no skin off my back. That place is full of shit memories with my drunk asshole of a dad.
It’s nice to be able to think these things without Tessa’s influence. I would feel slightly guilty being rude to my mum and her boyfriend if Tessa were here with me.
So thank God she isn’t.
Day two was exhausting as shit. I spent the entire afternoon listening to my mum talk about her plans for the summer and dodged her questions about why I’m home. I kept telling her if I wanted to talk about it I would. I came here for some goddamn peace, and all I get is more annoyance. I ended up at the pub down the street by eight. A pretty brunette with the same color eyes as Tessa smiled at me and offered me a drink that night. I declined somewhat politely, my kindness only coming out because of the color of her eyes. The longer I stared at them, the more I realized they weren’t the same as Tessa’s. They were dull and held no life behind them. Tessa’s eyes are the most intriguing shade of gray that appears blue at first glance, until you really look at them. They’re nice, as far as eyes go. Why the fuck am I sitting at a pub thinking about eyeballs? Fuck.
I saw the disappointment in my mum’s eyes when I stumbled through the door after two in the morning, but I did my best to ignore it, mumbling a shit apology before forcing my way up the stairs.
Day three was when it started. Small thoughts of Tessa kept sneaking in at the most random times. While watching my mum hand-wash the dishes, I thought of Tessa loading the dishwasher constantly, making sure there was never a single dirty dish lying in the sink.
“We’re going to the fair today. Would you like to come?” my mum asked.
“No.”
“Please, Hardin, you’re here visiting, and you’ve barely spoken to me or spent any time with me.”
“No, Mum.” I dismiss her.
“I know why you’re here,” she said softly.
I slammed my cup down on the table and stormed out of the kitchen.
I knew she would catch on that I was running, hiding really, from reality. I’m not sure what type of reality there is without Tessa, but I’m not ready to deal with the shit, so why does she have to pester me about it? If Tessa doesn’t want to be with me, then to hell with her. I don’t need her—I am better off alone, the way I had planned to be all along.
Seconds later my phone rang, but I ignored the call as soon as I saw her name. Why did she call me? To tell me she hates me or she needs her name off the lease, I was sure.
Goddammit, Hardin, why did you do that? I kept asking myself. I didn’t have a good enough answer.
Day four began the worst way possible.
“Hardin, go upstairs!” she’s begging. No, not this again. One of the men slaps her across her face and she looks at the staircase; her eyes meet mine and I scream. Tessa.
“Hardin! Wake up, Hardin! Please wake up!” my mum screamed and shook me awake.
“Where is she? Where’s Tess?” I choked, sweat soaking my skin.
“She isn’t here, Hardin.”
“But they . . .” It took me a moment to collect my thoughts and realize it was only a nightmare. The same nightmare I’ve had my entire life, only this time it was so much worse. My mother’s face was replaced with Tessa’s.
