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It takes a long time to go through each name, but I final y get to the Ts. I find one poem by Tennyson and I want to read it but I don’t have time.
There is no Thomas. There is a Thoreau. I touch that name; one poem of his, The Moon, has been saved. I wonder if he wrote anything else. If he did, it is gone now.
Why did Grandfather give me those poems? Did he want me to find some meaning in them? Does he not want me to go gentle? What does that even mean? Am I supposed to fight against authority? I might as wel ask if he wants me to commit suicide. Because that’s what it would be. I wouldn’t actual y die, but if I tried to break the rules they’d take away everything I value. A Match. A family of my own. A good vocation. I would have nothing. I don’t think Grandfather would want that for me.
I can’t figure it out. I’ve thought and thought about it and turned the words over in my head. I wish I could see the words again on paper and puzzle it out. For some reason, I feel like everything would be different if I could see them outside of myself, not only in my mind.
I’ve realized one thing, though. Even though I’ve done the right thing—burned the words and tried to forget them—it doesn’t work. These words won’t go away.
I’m relieved the minute I see Em sitting in the meal hal . She practical y glows, and when she sees me, she lifts her arm to wave. The Banquet went wel , then. She didn’t panic. She made it through. She isn’t dead.
I hurry through the line, sliding into the seat next to her. “So,” I ask, even though I already know the answer, “how was the Banquet?” Her radiance shines on everyone in the room. Everyone at our table smiles.
“It was perfect. ”
“It’s not Lon, then?” I say, making a feeble joke. Lon was Matched a few months ago.
Em laughs. “No. His name is Dalen. He’s from Acadia Province. ” Acadia is one of the more heavily forested provinces to the east, miles away from our rol ing hil s and rivered val eys here in Oria. They have stone in Acadia, and sea. Things we don’t have much of here.
“And . . . ” I lean forward. So do the rest of our friends gathered at the table, al of us eager for details about the boy Em wil marry.
“When he stood up, I thought, ‘He can’t be for me. ’ He’s tal and he smiled at me right through the screen. He didn’t even look a little bit nervous. ”
“So he’s handsome?”
“Of course. ” Em smiles. “And he didn’t seem too disappointed in me, either, thank goodness. ”
“How could he be?” Em shines so radiantly today in her drab brown plainclothes that I imagine she was impossible to look away from last night in her yel ow dress. “So, he’s handsome. But what exactly does he look like?” I’m embarrassed to hear a hint of jealousy in my voice, plain and clear.
No one gathered around me to find out what Xander was like. There was no mystery because they already knew.
Em is kind enough to ignore it. “Actual y, a little like Xander . . . ” she begins, and then she breaks off.
I fol ow her gaze to where Xander stands a few feet away from us, holding his foilware on a tray and looking stricken. Did he hear the jealousy in my voice when Em described her Match?
What is wrong with me?
I try to cover it up. “We’re talking about Em’s Match. He looks like you. ”
Xander recovers quickly. “So he’s unbelievably handsome. ” He sits down next to me but he doesn’t look in my direction. I’m embarrassed. He definitely heard me.
“Of course,” Em laughs. “I don’t know why I was so worried!” She blushes a little, probably remembering the night in the music hal , and looks at Xander. “It al turned out perfectly—the way you said it would. ”
“I wish they stil let you print out a picture right away,” I say. “I want to see what he looks like. ” Em describes her Match and tel s us facts about Dalen that she learned from her microcard, but I’m too distracted to hear much. I worry that I’ve hurt Xander and I want him to look at me or take my hand, but he does neither of those things.
Em grabs my arm on our way out of the meal hal . “Thank you so much for letting me borrow the compact. I think it helped to have something to hold onto, you know?”
I nod, agreeing.
“Ky gave it back to you this morning, didn’t he?”
“No. ” My heart drops. Where is my compact? Why doesn’t Em have it?
“He didn’t?” Em’s face pales.
“No,” I say. “Why does he have it?”
“I saw him on the air train after the Match Banquet. He was coming home late from work. I wanted you to have the compact back as soon as possible. ” Em takes a deep breath. “I knew you’d see Ky at hiking before you’d see me here, and I couldn’t bring it straight back to your house because I was worried I’d be late for curfew. ”
“Hiking was canceled this morning because of the weather. ”
“It was?” Hiking is the one summer leisure activity that absolutely can’t be done in inclement weather. Even swimming can be done in the indoor pool. Em looks sick. “I should have realized that. But why didn’t he find some way to get it to you? He knew how important it was. I made sure to tel him. ”
Good question. But I don’t want this to ruin Em’s big moment. I don’t want her to worry. “I’m sure he gave it to Aida to give to my mother or father,” I say, trying to sound lighthearted. “Or he’l give it to me tomorrow at hiking. ”
“Don’t worry,” Xander says, looking directly at me now. He reaches out with his words to cross the smal divides that keep coming between us.
“You can trust Ky. ”
CHAPTER 15
