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“I dared him to find and steal two red tablets. I thought it would be impossible. I said that if he didn’t bring them to swimming the next day to prove he could, I’d tel everyone about the compass—the artifact—and get Patrick in trouble. ”
“What did he do?”
“You know Ky. He wouldn’t risk his uncle. ” Then Xander starts to laugh. Shocked, I bal my fists up in anger. Does he think this is funny? What, in this story, could there possibly be to laugh at?
“So Ky got the tablets. And guess who he stole them from?” Xander says, stil laughing. “Just guess. ”
“I don’t know. Tel me. ”
“My parents. ” Xander stops laughing. “Of course, it wasn’t funny at the time. That night my parents were upset because their red tablets were missing. I knew right away what had happened, but of course I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t tel them about the dare. ” Xander looks down and I notice that he has a large brown paper envelope in his hand. It makes me think of Ky’s story. I’m hearing another part of it now. “It was a big mess.
Officials came and everything. I don’t know if you remember that. ”
I shake my head. I don’t.
“They checked to make sure we hadn’t taken the tablets, and they could tel somehow that we hadn’t, and my parents were pretty convincing, saying they didn’t know what happened. They were completely panicked. Final y, the Officials decided that my parents must have lost the tablets when they were swimming earlier in the week and that they’d been negligent not to notice it sooner. They’d never caused any trouble before, so they got off without an Infraction. Just a citation. ”
“Ky did that? Took the tablets from your parents?”
“He did. ” Xander takes a deep breath. “I went to his house the next day ready to tear him apart. He stood on the front steps waiting for me. When I got there he held out the two red tablets, right for everyone to see.
“Of course, I was so scared I grabbed them out of his hand and asked him what he was trying to do. That’s when he told me that you don’t play with other people’s lives. ” Xander seems ashamed, remembering. “And then he told me that we could start over if I wanted. Al we had to do was take the red tablets, one for each of us. He promised me we wouldn’t get hurt. ”
“That’s cruel of him, too,” I say in shock, but to my surprise Xander disagrees with me.
“He knew the tablets didn’t work on him; I don’t know how, but he did. He thought they would work on me. He thought I wouldn’t remember how horrible I’d been and that I’d be able to start clean. ”
“How many other people do you think are walking around out there, pretending that their tablets worked when they didn’t?” I ask, wondering.
“As many as want to stay out of trouble,” Xander says. He glances at me. “Apparently they don’t work on you, either. ”
“It’s not exactly like that,” I say, but I don’t want to tel him the whole story. He already carries enough of my secrets.
Xander studies me for a moment, but then when I don’t say more, he speaks again. “While we’re talking about tablets,” he says, “I have a gift for you. A farewel gift. ” He hands me the envelope and whispers, “Don’t open it now. I put some things in there to remind you of the Borough, but the real gift is a bunch of blue tablets. In case you have to go on another long journey or something. ” He knows I’m going to try to find Ky. And he’s helping me. In spite of everything, Xander hasn’t betrayed me. And I realize, too, that I never wondered, as I ran down the street after Ky, if it was Xander who had set those events in motion. I knew he hadn’t. He kept faith with me. It’s the prisoner’s dilemma. This dangerous game that I must play with Ky, and again with Xander. But what I know, and the Official doesn’t, is that al of us wil do our best to keep each other safe. “Oh, Xander. How did you get these?”
“They keep extra supplies in the pharmacy at the medical center,” Xander says. “These were slated for disposal. They’re about to expire, but I think they’l stil work for a few months past expiration. ”
“The Officials wil stil miss them. ”
He shrugs. “They wil . I’l be careful, and you should be, too. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you real food. ”
“I can’t believe you’re doing al of this for me,” I say to Xander.
He swal ows hard. “Not just for you. For al of us. ”
It al makes sense now. If we could change things, in time, maybe . . . maybe we could all choose.
“Thank you, Xander,” I say. I think about how I might have a chance to find Ky, thanks to Ky’s compass and Xander’s tablets, and I realize that, in so many ways, Xander is the one who made it possible for me to love Ky.
“Ky thought you might be able to help me learn how to use the artifact,” I tel him. “Now I know why. Did you recognize it that day, when I gave it to you?”
“I thought I did. But it had been a long time and I kept my promise. I didn’t open it. ”
“But you know how to use it. ”
“I figured out the basic principles of what it was after I’d seen it. I used to ask him questions about it once in a while. ”
“It might help me find him. ”
“Even if I could show you, why would I?” And Xander can’t cover it anymore; bitterness and anger mingle with the pain. “So you can go off and be happy with him? Where does that leave me? What does that leave me?”
“Don’t say that,” I tel him. “You gave me the blue tablets so I could find him, right? If I’m gone, and we can change things, maybe you can choose someone, too. ”
“I did,” he says, looking at me.
I don’t know what to say.
“So I have to wish for the end of the world as I know it?” Xander asks, another hint of his old laugh in his voice.
