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Ky didn’t answer right away. He looked out at the water. “I had to put a body in a river once,” he said finally, “before all of this. An Aberration died in camp, earlier than the Society planned, and the Officers made us get rid of the evidence. That’s when I met my friend Vick. ”
I nodded. I’d heard them talk about Vick.
“Vick had fallen in love with someone he wasn’t supposed to have,” Ky said. “He ended up dying for it. ” Then Ky looked at me. “I wanted to stay alive after my family died,” he said. “But I didn’t feel like I was living again until I met Cassia. ”
“But you didn’t feel like she really knew you, did you?” I asked again.
“No,” Ky said, “but I felt like she could. ”
I start down the wide steps to the water. Ky’s not there this time but I see someone else I know. It’s Lei, with her long black hair.
It’s been days since I’ve seen her, even in passing. After she recovered, she went back to work, and our paths have rarely crossed since. When they have, we’ve both nodded and smiled and said hello. She likely knows that I’m working on the cure but I haven’t had a chance to talk with her.
I hesitate, but she looks up at me and smiles, gesturing for me to come closer. I sit down next to her and I feel like a fool. I don’t know where to begin.
But she does. “Where did you go?” she asks me.
“To the mountains,” I say. “The Pilot took some of us there. That’s where we found the cure. ”
“And you were the one to do it,” she says.
“No,” I say. “Cassia figured it out. ”
“Your Match,” she says.
“Yes,” I say. “She’s alive, and she’s fine. She’s here. ”
“I think I’ve seen her,” Lei says, “talking with you. ” Her eyes search mine, trying to learn what I haven’t said.
“She’s in love with someone else,” I say.
Lei puts her hand on mine very gently for a moment. “I’m sorry,” she says.
“What about your Match?” I ask. “Have you been able to find him?”
She turns her face away then, and as her hair swishes across her back and neck, I remember when we checked each other for the mark during those days in the medical center. “He died,” she says. “Before the Plague came. ”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“I think I knew before they told me,” Lei says. “I think I could feel him, gone. ” I am struck again by the sound of her voice. It’s very beautiful. I would like to hear her sing. “That must sound ridiculous to you,” she says.
“No,” I say, “it doesn’t. ”
Something jumps in the river and I start a little.
“A fish,” Lei says, looking back at me.
“One of the ones you told me about?” I ask.
“No,” she says. “That one was silver, not red. ”
“Where did you go?” I ask Lei.
She knows what I mean: Where did you go when you were still?
“I was swimming most of the time,” she says. “Like those fish, one of the ones I told you about, and I had a different body. I knew I wasn’t really a fish, but it was easier than thinking about what was happening. ”
“I wonder why everyone thinks about the water,” I say. Ky did the same. He told us he was on an ocean with that girl who died. Indie.
“I think,” Lei says, “because the sky seems too far. It doesn’t feel like it will hold you the way the water can. ”
Or because your lungs are filling with fluid that you can’t always clear. But neither of us gives the medical explanation, though we both know it.
I don’t know what to say. When I look at Lei I think she might be the kind of person who could do what she said the water could: hold someone up. I imagine pulling her close and kissing her and I can picture letting go, going under, with her.
Her face changes. She must be able to see what I’m thinking.
I stand up, disgusted with myself. I’m not in any condition to love someone, and she’s just lost her Match and come back from the mutation. We’re both alone.
“I have to go,” I say.
CHAPTER 59
CASSIA
I hesitate for a moment at the top of the steps, hidden behind one of the trees along the embankment, waiting for Xander to pass by. He doesn’t notice me.
Before I can lose my courage, I go down, toward the water and the girl. I sit down next to her and she turns to look at me. “I’m Cassia,” I say. “I think we both know Xander. ”
“Yes,” she says. “I’m Lei. Nea Lei. ”
I study her face while trying not to seem like I’m doing it. She’s not much older than us, but something about her seems wise. She speaks very clearly; but her words are clean, not clipped. She is lovely, in a way that is all her own; very dark hair, very deep eyes.
“We both know Xander,” she says, “but you’re in love with someone else. ”
“Yes,” I say.
