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A sigh left him, a warm breath that caressed her face as he curved his hand around the back of her neck then, bringing her face into his chest.
Shed been close to him a moment before, pressed tight, but this was somehow closer, maybe because some of that tension left her and she melted into him in truth. Her arms slid up under his again so she could flatten her palms over his shoulder blades, her nose burying in his chest, seeking the
comfort of shirt and skin and their nice smells. His other arm wrapped around her waist, holding her between his braced legs so close. He was still aroused, but it was a natural, easy pleasure now, a reminder of all the wonderful things it meant, that were possible.
She prided herself on being independent, but she welcomed the subtle message hed been sending to her with that blue bow on the Rottweiler.
Male, protective.
How long they stood like that, she wasnt sure, but he held her while the sun warmed the Jeep and emanated against her. Myriad bugs, frogs and other creatures that lived in the thicket of tangled foliage shed encouraged around her cottage sang, chirped and made their discordant morning noises. Clicks, sawing violins, pops. Sounds hard to describe, but everyone understood the feeling, the familiar reassurance of them, that came on a sunny early morning. Much like this feeling.
He brushed his lips across her forehead. Why dont I take you to work now? His mouth pulled in a smile against her temple. But if you want to revisit that other idea later, I wont object.
* * * * *
* * * * *
In fact, Brendan knew if shed made the demand once more, he would have swung her up in his arms and taken the stairs two at a time, even knowing it was the wrong thing. Well, wrong was the incorrect word. It would have been sweaty, slick and satisfying to the parts of their bodies that were impatient with emotions, though. But he knew how it would have played out. Shame would have drowned her because I want to have a rough fuck with somebody I barely know didnt mesh with the Chloe hed met at the wedding, or talked to in such an extraordinary way on the phone a mere few hours ago. He didnt want to lose that Chloe. He was more than a little concerned she was in danger of losing it herself.
The person hed met at the wedding had let her emotions lead her, despite her injuries and close brush with death. He knew magical nights like that made nightmares temporarily go away, but even so, hed sensed hed been talking to the real Chloe. Unabashed, unrepressed. That Chloe might have made the impetuous decision to make love to him so quickly, but if she did, it would be because she felt a connection that told her coming together physically would be a joyous, fulfilling experience. Where, if there wasnt love, there would be learning, friendship, laughter, things worth taking the emotional risk.
Her desire to be taken now, such an abrupt, harsh and cruelly worded decision, was just the opposite of that. She was completely shielded, the quick desire a way to avoid or outrun her feelings, not open them.
He understood all that. But he had his own needs and vulnerabilities as well, and her demand was like a witchs spell. If it had been uttered twice, or more catastrophically, the irreversible three times, it would have taken him over. He would have obeyed her without thought.
Or maybe not. Surrender and submission were inseparable from love, care, protection. Without those things, the soul was lost, along with the treasure. A Mistress had taught him that. His Mistress, or rather, the Mistress, the one whod allowed him to be hers, even if she belonged to another.
Not for the first time in the past few hours, he realized that history might be problematic. Yeah, thats an understatement. He was in uncharted territory, pursuing someone who wasnt part of a life that was a large part of his. Maybe that was the real reason he hadnt called her for months, even knowing he could have gotten the number from Marguerite. But he hadnt forgotten her, had wanted her, and when hed heard her voice on the phone, he knew he didnt want to deny himself the pleasure of getting to know her. Hed accepted it as fate, but he was well aware he could be rationalizing a path to catastrophe, for both of them.
A s he helped her into the Jeep and made sure her seatbelt was securely fastened, he noted her downcast eyes, bruised with lack of sleep.
Brushing her cheek with his knuckles, he won an attempt at a real smile.
It was never easy or simple. Something worth having never was.
* * * * *
When Brendan dropped her off, he told her that hed come back for her at the end of the day. Walked her to the side porch of the tea room. Held her hand. A part of her wanted him to kiss her, but she had no idea what she herself wanted. Shed never realized her own thoughts could turn her into a lunatic. She must have conveyed that indecision, because after a steady, searching look, he squeezed her hands and took a step back, nodding to her before heading back down the narrow path to the roadside parking. She thought she detected an expression of regret, like hed hoped for more of a signal from her for the kiss. Or she might be reading way too much into it. He could be thinking, Okay, be a good kid, play well with others, and dont give away the carrots I put in your Barbie lunchbox.
He hadnt fucked her, though shed all but begged him. Maybe she understood why hed turned her down, but his decision not to kiss her now took some of that understanding away. A nice guy? Was that what she really wanted? A ny other day there would have been callous, insensitive, only-thinking-with-their-dicks Neanderthals lined up ten deep everywhere she looked, ready to take advantage of her desire for rough, violent sex.
Hed stopped at the Jeep, his hand on the latch, and now he looked back, met her gaze. What was it that showed in her face? She didnt know, but he let go of the handle and considered her from head to toe, standing on the steps.
She hadnt worn anything particularly alluring today. She was dressed up enough to be presentable for work, no more, no less. Usually she went for some kind of amulet, a few strings of colorful beads, unique costume jewelry that fit her flowing clothes or faded jeans and quirky T-shirts. She loved wild, floppy hats with feathers, decorated the brims with vintage brooches she found. She might wear a ribboned cameo at her throat, or poison vial amulets. Some days she went for the natural look, her jewelry just a seashell or rock shed found, strung on a silk cord.
Rather than being the armor they were for many other people, her clothes and accessories were part of her honest language, the way she laughed and talked to the world, which sang back in multiple colors and textures.
If anyone could live on the curve of a rainbow, it would be you. Gen had said that to her. Over a year ago.
Today, her throat was painfully bare, her outfit bland. Jewelry and color were the last things shed been thinking about this morning. But as his gaze coursed over her throat, instead of feeling like shed failed herself, she imagined his hands or mouth as the embellishment there, a sensation as vibrant as whatever sparkling color she would have chosen. She almost forgot how tired and pale she must look.
His focus moved back to her face. A ll hed done was look at her, and she couldnt move, could only tremble. Could he devour her body with a look, the way she wanted him to do? No, of course not. No more than he could take her up on her needy demand earlier, or give her one damn kiss now.
On the other hand, if hed given her a brush of lips the way he would a pathetic invalid, a psycho charity case, she might have had to pluck the Welcome to Tea Leaves wall plate off the porch pillar and slap it against his head hard enough to spin him.
Chloe. His voice was a caress, feathering the twenty feet of air between them. What do you want right now? Tell me.
I want you to kiss me, like you would have last night. I dont want you to give a damn about how I feel or what I want. I dont want you to be sensitive or caring. Its choking me, damn it.
