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You want her to open up, make it easier for you to fly to her rescue, but you arent willing to open up your world to her.
The soft stuff, the hints of it, give her some relief, but Im a painkiller, not the cure. Im a way station.
Youre being a coward.
His head snapped up. Now he felt the unthinkable toward Marguerite. A nger.
Damn it, Im trying to protect her. I thought that would mean something to you.
Her pale blue gaze frosted. The truth means something to me. The entire truth. Have you forgotten that, Brendan? Do I need to lock you in restraints, whip you, brand you all over again to remind you what you owe your Mistress? Dont you ever try to shield yourself by using my feelings for Chloe.
Miserable need spiraled up from his gut, his fingers spasming on his knee. Hed spent time with this and that Mistress at The Zone since Marguerites marriage, but with all their considerable skills, none of them could pull from him what she could with just the sensual threat.
Kneel before me, Brendan, she ordered with quiet firmness. A ll the way. I locked the door.
She didnt have to add that. He did it without thought, going to both knees and locking his hands behind his neck, his eyes down. It was a position hed assumed enough that, once there, a quiet sense of rightness usually settled over him, being there, obeying a Mistresss will. But not today.
She was poking sticks into places that were ready to snarl and snap to keep things out of those burrows.
Tell me what you want, when it comes to Chloe.
I want to make her happy. I dont want her to be unhappy or frightened. I want to be there for her, as long as she needsand wants me.
Rising, she set her hands on his shoulders, nails piercing enough to register pain. Brendan, what do you want?
The emotions that rose up hard and fast within him were too difficult, too painful. He dug his hands into his neck, couldnt look at her, even when her hand touched his jaw, a usual command for him to look up. He just couldnt.
I cant. Forgive me, Mistress.
She withdrew, a punishment as harsh as a single tail, but her voice was neutral. Youd be risking a great deal to let Chloe all the way in, wouldnt you? You dont want to be shut out right as youve gotten your foot in the door. I assume a foot has gotten into a door, euphemistically speaking?
The dry tone might have made him smile, and the memory of it might have steadied him, if his gut wasnt roiling. Yes.
Youre not only taking the chance it could make things worse for her, but also that she may turn away from what you have to offer. You trusted yourself to Tim, and he betrayed that trust. You lost your parents young, and it creates a paradox. A need to find that sense of home in anothers heart, while fighting the fear that its a magic trick. A n empty lie once you step into the magicians box.
He clenched his jaw. Im protecting myself. Youre right. Im a coward. That wasnt who he was, and he shouldnt be letting his fears or insecurities interfere with caring for her. If I give her what she needs, and she walks away afterward, when she has her feet under her, serving her well should be enough. It should be enough, damn it. I have no right to demand more.
r /> Brendan. Now she tipped his head up, forced him to look at her with a hand gripping his hair. She gave him that look that saw so much, could strip him bare, but she took several moments before she spoke, things in her expression he couldnt read. Perhaps didnt want to read. Submissives of your generosity are very rare. In a vanilla relationship, youll give someone like Chloe everything she thinks she could ever need. Every romantic gesture, every mindblowing sexual experience. A nd without that remarkable intuition of hers, shed never realize, not for an instant, that she hasnt even scratched off the top layer of who you are.
Those animals snarled and burrowed, but she saw them, saw what he wouldnt face, even now. He wanted to pull away, but he didnt. But she does have that intuition, she continued quietly. It may be damaged, but its still working. She already knows youre holding back on her. You really want to help her? Youre going to have to let her in.
He tightened his jaw, but couldnt deny it. A nymore than he could deny that Chloe was probably right, that it was a bad idea, one they shouldnt take further. Marguerite might think he was using her feelings again, but he had to say it. She doesnt know how you and I What you mean to me.
It startled him, spoken so intimately. Marguerites gaze was gentle now, and she grazed her knuckles over his cheek. Youre afraid of how shell react.
Yes. But He closed his hand on her wrist, a gentle circle, always amazed by how fragile that arm was. She ate more now with Tyler bullying her, but shed always been slim, ascetic. When he met her pale blue gaze, he let her see it, rather than saying it, wanting her to know that this part at least was the truth.
Youre afraid of hurting me. Marguerites fingers curled, her lips pressing together.
What happens to your friendship when she finds out? You dont love easily, Mistress. I wont deprive you of even one friend.
Even for your own heart?
Its not a matter of loyalty. If it causes harm to you, then thats a message I wont question. Its not meant to be, and Ill let it end here. I can keep being there for her, but not take it to the more intense levels. Thats what frustrated me too. I wasnt thinking ahead until this morning. A nd now Youre already in so deep theres no way to pull out without someone getting hurt. Including you. Oh Brendan. Do you really think that you can keep it from getting inside you?
He sighed, closing his eyes. You know, sometimes being around you is like being in front of God, confessing sins.
Withdrawing, she sat back down, but opened both her hands, extending them toward him. Bemused, he laid his into them, closing his hands gently over the slender palms, respecting the great gift of her touch, of holding her. Whether you realize it or not, Im no longer your confessor, Brendan. I think even I didnt realize that until these past few minutes. Youve changed. What you need now is more than a Mistress.
