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o. She shook her head, spoke before she lost her nerve. Dont call me and dont come back. Ill work this out. If I thinkI can handle it, Ill call you. Okay?
The look that came into his eyes made her wonder if her heart had cracked, because pain shot through her chest, so sharp she had to stay very still a moment. She saw resignation. He wouldnt fight her, would accept what she wanted. Hed said that from the beginning, hadnt he? That he was all about doing whatever she wanted. Maybe that was why women went for those pushy, more dominant guys. Because women could be so confused about what they wanted, sometimes it was nice to have a guy who forced the issue and made the decision for her.
But honestly, she wasnt sure if that approach was what she wanted right now either. Dominant, submissive or none of the above, several hours ago shed had no doubt she wanted this man more than anything. That hadnt changed. She just didnt know if she could handle the pastor hell, the presentthat came with him.
A ll right. Before he let her by, though, he leaned in. She stiffened, thinking and perhaps hoping he was going to kiss her mouth, but he relieved and disappointed her by kissing her forehead, cupping the back of her skull as he did it. When his hand tightened there, digging into her curls, it brought tears to her eyes. She could feel how hard he was holding back his emotions. Why was he doing so? Why wouldnt he snarl and snap?
Demand and rage?
Because that wasnt who or what he was, was it?
When he spoke, his tone was rough, his lips moving over her skin. Whatever you decide, Chloe, my life is better because of the short time weve had together. A nd I fucking want you with all my heart. So if you change your mind, or even just want to talk some more about this, let me know.
Im a phone call away.
Chapter Eighteen
She hadnt been scheduled to work until after the carnival, so she had two days to stew at home. She thought about quitting. Brendan would have called Marguerite, told her that Chloe knew. Of course he would. That thought alone spiked the ugly ball of anger in her stomach. But what was Brendan and Marguerites relationship now? She and Tyler were obviously bonded, and no matter how willing Tyler was to pleasure two women at once, Chloe didnt need any special intuition to know he wasnt the type to share Marguerite. Period. She pitied the guy who thought otherwise.
So where did that leave things? She knew she had no point of reference for the kind of relationship that Brendan and Marguerite might have.
Maybe if shed given Brendan more of a chance to explain But she didnt want it explained. She wasnt ready to be soothed or coaxed into accepting a rationalization from a guy who thought making her happy was more important than making it clear they had no future.
Yeah, she knew how that sounded, but she knew what she meant, damn it.
She didnt want to see Marguerite, but she wanted to go to work, double damn it. Shed slept poorly and ended up sitting on the back porch as predicted both nights, huddled in a blanket and fitfully dozing, listening to the nighttime insects, St. Frances purring on her lap. The house was scarier than the outdoors. Walls blocked a view of what was coming after you.
So she got dressed. She even put on jewelry and makeup, taking time with her hair in a way she hadnt in a while. When she came out on her front porch, she had a momentary hope, a despicable one, that Brendan would be there, miraculously showing up like he had after that first night.
Of course he wasnt. He was respecting her wishes, the jerk. Getting into her car, she slammed the old Toyotas squeaky door and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.
The reflection looked about as inviting as a washed-out corpse dolled up by a mortician, curls fluffed around sunken eyes, a painted mouth that looked garish. Yeah, shed taken care with her appearance today, but it hadnt been because shed been feeling better. It was because she was viewing Marguerite as a competitor, wanting to show her she could be as attractive to Brendan, in one of those insanely irrational moves at which women excelled.
Yanking a wet towelette out of the glove compartment, she wiped it all off. Scraped her hands through her hair like a dog with fleas. Then she put the car in drive.
She didnt remember much of the trip into town, didnt turn on the radio. She could work on autopilot if she needed to do so. Shed perfected that these past few months, hadnt she? Shed get through, even though Tea Leaves had been her last sanctuary.
When she came into the tea room, it was still about a half hour before opening. Gen and Tyler were at the center island in the kitchen. Tyler was finishing up his coffee, wearing slacks and shirt, coat hung over the chair, suggesting hed brought Marguerite in to work and planned to do some business in Tampa today. They glanced up as she entered, and Gens brow rose at her appearance, but she didnt say anything. Eggshells. She wondered if they were as tired of walking around on them as she was.
Yeah, I look like shit, she said. You can say it. Im not going to fucking break, you know.
I think youre already broken, sweetling, Gen said quietly. You want some tea this morning? Theres a good chamomile blend that Marguerite Has been making me choke down regularly. Yeah. Its done a hell of a lot of good.
Thats enough.
Chloe snapped her attention to the end of the counter, where Tyler had leveled a look on her with those amber eyes. That look mashed the words flat on her tongue, an act of self-preservation. Shed never been a child who feared her father, but her dad, like many loving fathers, had that point past which his child knew he would not be crossed. Tyler had that look now, and she had a crazy feeling he wasnt above taking her behind the woodshed for a good strapping with his belt if he felt she needed it. In some ways, she wished she was back in that time of her life, because usually her dad had done it when shed been out of sorts about something. Somehow the punishment had defused it, refocused her. Helped the tears come.
Was that part of it for Brendan? The release of pain? Demons he couldnt exorcise? Oh hell, she didnt want to go down that road.
When Tyler rose from his stool and stepped over to her, she wanted to draw back, but she couldnt. The gentleness of his touch on her face, at odds with the sternness of his voice, almost unhinged her. She had to quit her job. Shed known it when she woke up this morning, recognized it more than once over the past couple days. She needed to leave it all behind. Maybe shed drive to the opposite coast, like shed done in college a couple times. Go hang out on the beaches, braid peoples hair. Be homeless, live in a pretty box decorated with rainbow colors and scraps of beads and ribbons that advertised her trade. Be a part of nothing.
Tell Marguerite
You need to go talk to her, Tyler said. Shes in her private garden, having tea.
Marguerite did that on rare occasions, following her own unique mixture of Japanese and English tea etiquettes that were as important to her as her yoga. It happened on occasions that usually coincided with Marguerite having a bad day herself. Great. So Brendan had told her. Though she expected it, it still hurt. Were all sloppy seconds to his Mistress
I dont want to see her. You can just tell
