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Your happiness.
She took a step back as his brow furrowed. But I do want your happiness.
For yourself, Brendan. What do you want?
A hi-def sound system.
That might have thrown her off balance, but something entirely different happened. A ll those things Marguerite had told her, warned her about, kicked in. His shields were closing against her. She didnt need to have her Mistress merit badge to know how to respond.
Really, a joke? Defensive. She took another step back. Im not repeating the question. I have better things to do. Keep answering. Lifting her hands, those long nails, she trailed a fingertip down her throat, to the upper curve of her breast. He watched her, with the hunger of a vampire in truth in his gaze.
I want to fuck you.
Easy enough to see. Still a distraction. She took another step. Two steps more, and shed be at the door. Shed never felt like this before. A ll the power was hers, as well as total resolve. The calm inside her might dissipate into a chaotic storm if she had to step outside that door, but shed do it if she had to. For this moment, however, she felt what she suspected Marguerite might feel toward a bound male, at her mercy, forcing him to confront something in himself he didnt want to confront.
Yes, she felt the power of it, the sense of control. But this was someone she cared about, she wanted. Hed helped her, and she could help him now, for both of them. Such a different feeling from the carnival.
Shed always been so closely in touch with what she wanted, a child of impulse and laughter, love and happiness. Marguerite had been right. It wasnt gone. It would take time to coax that Chloe back into existence, but in some ways, this was the shadow side of that person, who knew that embracing what she truly wanted was what mattered.
Life was too short to give any less of herself, or demand any less, from the male she was almost sure shed be willing to spend the rest of her life with, if hed just say what she knew he wanted to say. The shadow and light would come together at last, and shed be an even better person than shed ever been before.
You know, when I saw you the night of the auction, I compared you to a young Druid priest, someone so dedicated to his art and craft, a treasure. But somethings lacking, Brendan. Theres a difference between those you serve and the one you love above and beyond it all. She spoke the last words softly. So last time. What do you want for yourself?
The look on his face was a true struggle. He was fighting something far down inside himself, so painful she could almost see internal organs begin to bleed from the strain. Hed seemed so strong, so balanced, and yet shed known, felt the shadow. So had Marguerite. Intuition.
Chloe, I cant Im not like that.
Not built that way. She nodded, though it was an effort. She put her hand on the latch. Im glad I met you, Brendan. A nd Im sorry it didnt work out for us. I wish you only the best. But I want the man, not the priest.
She stepped out.
Chapter Twenty
No. Brendan stared at the door, feeling the chains on his arms as if they were looped lower, tightening around his chest. What the fuck did she want from him? How could she ask from him what wasnt his to give?
Why couldnt he give himself that? Was he going to let her walk away?
What do you want? Whatdoyouwantwhatdoyouwant
The raw, uncertain feeling was an old wound, but one he hadnt experienced at this level in some time. It wasnt welcome, and he immediately wanted to banish it. He gave Mistresses what they wanted, damn it, so there was no uncertainty. No surges of volatile emotions like this, but Marguerite had hit it on the head that day in the auditorium, hadnt she? The answer was in the center of that tumultuous sea, as treacherous a place as the spooky London street depicted around him. He didnt want a choice. Didnt want to take that risk.
That day in the auditorium, hed looked toward the stage when Marguerite was bringing that shameful knowledge forth. Hed looked toward the unattainable grail.
In his minds eye, a grail always sat on a dais, brilliantly lit among darkness. Hed told Chloe he liked the idea of being Percival. A knight seeking that grail because it served his king. In reality, he hadnt ever thought of being the one who found it, grasped it, accepted the consequences and challenges of being worthy of it.
Hed told himself that was because the focus couldnt be on recognition, winning the prize. The focus had to be on the dedication and unswerving loyalty to the quest. Hed made the journey the art form, not the completion of the task, because she was right. Marguerite was right. He was fucking terrified of what that light would show inside himself. A small boy, crouched in a corner, learning that his mother was never coming back, that fate had taken her away from him, because he wasnt worthy of her. She was the grail. Now Chloe was on that same dais.
Jesus. A nd he meant it as a prayer. Closing his eyes tight, he faced the inevitable, that he could accept this about himself, always be the perfect submissive, the one who every Mistress wanted for a night, or he could put spurs to his horse, so to speak, and see if he couldnt actually grasp that grail, dedicating himself to everything it required and meant.
I want you, he whispered. Even spoken low, the words were rough, thick, as if by never having been said before, his mouth had difficulty forming the words. The desolation of the night reflected his inside, his loneliness now, knowing what was walking away from him. It lanced him with such pain, he thought a vampires fangs actually tearing into him might feel good. Chloe.
He pulled against the wrought iron of the lamp post that had been welded into a temporary plate in the floor. It didnt have any give. Come let me go, he called out, an urgent demand to whatever staff was watching him. Someone had to be, because no one was ever left unattended in a room. But maybe Chloe hadnt realized that. He had to go after her. Chloe!
He yanked again, using his full strength. Not caring that he might destroy the prop, he put his feet against it and shoved, hoping to loosen the bolts. Chloe, I want you. Come back!
Just when he thought he was going to have to start bellowing, the door opened. Hed twisted around, gotten the chains wrapped over the cuffs and couldnt see, but that didnt matter. Get me down. I have to go after her. Hed never spoken to anyone at The Zone like that. Hed always performed as a submissive in all ways, toward staff as well as Doms, but damn it, this was too important. Logically, he could always call her, text her, send her a fucking letter, but even the dumbest hero knew timing was everything. He couldnt lose the chance.
Im right here. His queen of the night was holding him steady, soothing him with long scarlet nails and worried brown eyes as he tried to catch his breath, feeling the cut of the chains in his wrists. It had been less than a couple minutes, he realized, but it felt much longer, the journey in his mind a jump of twenty some years.
