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"But how could that make him happy?"
"Happiness isn't the primary priority to this type of submissive, Gen," Marguerite said. "Or rather, their definition of happiness lies in their service. To a point. For Noah, that point is much further along the spectrum than most."
"So how would you know if you were special to him at all? If you could be a hideous bitch, and he'd be just the same way with you as he'd be with a generous lover..."
Marguerite nodded. "It's the dilemma any Mistress who lets herself care for him faces."
Did she mean Lyda? The way M held her gaze an extra moment made her think that was the case.
"Some subs get it mixed up in their head," Chloe added. "The ones whose craving for that fantasy, the idea that their wants and needs are secondary to the Domme's, is so strong. But the healthy reality is they have to work it out where it's more of a give and take. Even Brendan has some of that problem, and I had to learn to understand it the right way, not think he was being some kind of whore."
Gen winced, remembering her initial agitation, her accusation that Noah was being used as Lyda's bait. Seeing it, Chloe made an understanding face.
"Sometimes you have to have a come-to-Jesus moment to get it cleared up. We did, even before we were married. Remember what I said about the whole possessiveness thing, when Brendan was acting like it was okay for me to make the decision to pick another sub at the club?"
The sudden bemused look on Chloe's face, the light flush to her fair skin, told Gen a great deal about the graphic nature of the memory. "I forced the issue by doing exactly that, poking his inner Hulk," Chloe continued. "And yes, believe you me, he does have one. Once we reached the green skin stage, I made it clear I only wanted to be with him, and I damn well expected him to want that from me."
Gen closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. "So sometimes you have to convince a certain type of sub that they have to get in touch with their own wants and needs, because that's what you want, as their Domme."
"Yeah. Gives you a headache, doesn't it? Like a snake biting its own tail." Chloe shrugged. "Don't get bogged down in it. What you were asking, about how do you know if he even likes you? That's something you can feel in your gut, no matter what signals he puts out or what he says. So much of this is about intuition, not words. Yet in some ways Dom/sub stuff is more straightforward than the vanilla relationships. A lot less games about what they're feeling, because it's about being honest or nothing. So think about it. Did you get the feeling he likes you?"
She thought of the moment at her car, the tone in his voice when he said, Come this weekend. She remembered the way he'd held her, soothed her. As if he understood what it was to be hurt so deeply, to feel so lonely and afraid of her own needs...
"It was just a weekend," she said. "He belongs to her."
Chloe exchanged a glance with Marguerite, then looked back at Gen. "You were kind of interested in her too, weren't you? Things aren't always about couples."
"I..." The automatic assertion she was straight came to her lips, but she was already figuring out things weren't that clear cut in the BDSM world. "I told Noah I might meet them at The Zone this weekend."
The unexpected admission jumped out of her mouth, but fortunately Chloe didn't explode with unfettered joy, something that would have sent Gen into full retreat. Instead the girl merely said, "If you do, be sure and try the bourbon brownies in their coffee bar. They're awesome."
Gen couldn't read M's expression. Giving Gen a brief nod, she went bac
k to focusing on her computer.
"What should I wear?" She turned to a safer topic. Or so she thought.
"You definitely need the proper gear," Chloe said immediately. "We'll hit the Naughty Kitty on the main drag this week. Four inch stilettos are SOP, and as much leather as you can slap onto yourself and still show off your tits. A corset is perfect for that. Relax, I'm messing with you."
Gen closed her dropped jaw, shoved Chloe as her friend burst into laughter. "You should see how horrified you look. You can wear whatever you want. People wear everything from street clothes to full bondage gear. There are locker rooms so you can change inside the club too. For some people, that helps them shift mindset. But if you're going mainly to check things out, I'd say go with clubwear. Jeans and a sparkly sexy top. Stay away from weekend sweats and sneakers."
"So my Eeyore slippers and flannel pajamas would be too casual?" Gen eyed her.
"Big yes. It's not a midnight Walmart ice cream run."
The faint smile playing about Marguerite's lips, a response to their exchange, gave Gen the fortitude to clear her throat, draw those pale-blue eyes back to her. "I'm getting a warning vibe off you, M, but I can't figure it out. Would you tell me what it is, so I don't mess up?"
Marguerite could be cryptic, but she never dodged a straightforward question. She stopped typing. "If you're going to a new country," she said, "go with an open mind. Learn the culture and determine if you can appreciate it. Don't impose your own or be influenced in the wrong way by the experiences of your own life. You understand?"
"I do," Gen said slowly. "I just don't know how to keep my own baggage out of it."
Marguerite knew her history, as did Chloe. Gen had never dumped it on them, but both had ways of ferreting out information. Particularly Marguerite. Gen was pretty sure their boss knew things about her and Chloe they didn't know about themselves.
"There's a difference between withholding who you are, keeping it separate, and letting who you are integrate with their world, broadening both parties as a result. My point is, if you can't accept the basic foundation of what makes them who they are, then you have to accept you're taking a vacation there, not making a permanent move."
"Are you telling me that more in relation to Lyda or Noah?" With that question, Gen knew she'd essentially answered Chloe's. Both Mistress and sub interested her, even though she had no idea how to process the Lyda side of that equation.
"Either," Marguerite replied. "Also remember the difference between trying to change someone to your way of thinking and renovating a few rooms to make moving in together more comfortable. It's always a two-way street." Her gaze flickered. "In every good relationship, everyone evolves. Follow your intuition, Gen. It's far better than you realize."
