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“Same page?” Nathan asked. “What does that mean?”
Victor tapped his fingers against his knees, like playing a tiny invisible piano. Nathan knew this impulse from him. He was anxious, about to spill a dark secret he was keeping to himself. Victor never was one to wait. “It means we all need to be in love with her,” Victor said. “And we have to agree to share her. Otherwise they’ll encourage her look at other teams. They’ll bribe her away.”
They were crazy. Nathan shook off the idea because the two thoughts of getting Sang to stay and loving her didn’t connect at all. He started with keeping Sang, that was important. “Which is why we kept her a secret,” Nathan said. “So she’d spend time with us and choose us.”
“But the only way she’ll stay,” Victor said, “is if we’re not divided on this. And if one of us loves her, or two, or someone tries to run off with her, it’ll split us all. Don’t you see? That’s why if you love her, you have to think about this and make sure you’re okay with it.”
Nathan backed up. He didn’t want to hear any of it any more. “This is all shit,” he said. “She won’t love more than one person, and you guys would fight over her. And no one... You don’t... I mean, you’re all nuts. You don’t even know her.”
“Why do you keep saying that? I do know her.”
“You don’t,” Nathan said. “None of you are there when she cries at night when she sleeps. Or when she tosses over and around again because she doesn’t want to sleep because of the nightmares.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Victor asked, his eyes wide and his voice rising. “I know she gets nightmares. I’ve seen her go through it.”
“It’s every night, Victor. Every single night.” Nathan’s voice was strained. “Well, not lately. Lately, she’s tiring herself out so she doesn’t dream. She doesn’t even know it. Her old dreams weren’t nearly half as bad as the ones she’s been having. So she stays up half the night avoiding sleep and doesn’t dream, and when she does sleep, she’s so exhausted. She’s a rock until morning.”
Victor tilted his head at him. “How do you know about her old dreams?”
Silence followed. Uh-oh. He didn’t want to admit this part. He knew what Victor or the others would think. His mind was in a panic. How could everything have gone so wrong? He did ask Sang for permission, but he hadn’t been totally honest with her. He didn’t just want to translate, it was also he was curious. The nightmares had gotten worse and he wanted to know the truth. “I read her diary.”
Victor’s mouth popped open and he stared for so long. “I can’t believe you’d do that.”
“Someone needed to,” Nathan said. He brought out his cell phone and tapped at the screen, at the notes he’d started typing in to translate her journal, because she’d written it in Korean lettering. It took him a while to get used to it, and he still had to check the code now and again for the odd letter.
The diary wasn’t just nightmares she wrote about. She wrote about punishments, about her mother’s constantly telling her she’d get raped or murdered. She’d write about how Marie treated her.
She wrote about how lonely she’d been. She often felt she was split off from the world. He even learned how she would wander off alone at her old house, and walk through the woods. Hours and hours of her being alone out there, she learned every curve of a trail, where the frogs nestled in the mud near the creek bed, and the difference between oaks and maples based on bark when the leaves had fallen in the winter.
Most of all, she wanted to be normal. She wanted to do the things normal kids did. Other students around her went to birthday parties. They talked about movies they’d seen, things their parents bought and vacations they went on. She spent a lot of time listening to others and she wanted so much to talk to them but didn’t know where to start. Shy Sang, sweet and adorable.
He knew her so well now. He was sure none of the others could know her. Not like this. She was so much like him. He liked being outdoors, too. He’d liked this Ashley Waters job so he could go through a normal high school like everyone else. He complained about it, sure. The job was much easier to agree to when he considered he’d finally get to experience things like watching football games, and classrooms, and tests, and homework, and prom ... all the things the Academy didn’t have.
Victor recovered from his shock. “I can’t believe it.”
“You’d do it.”
“That’s private,” Victor said. “What’s she going to do when she figures out you did that?”
“She already knows,” Nathan said. “I told her I wanted to learn that Korean thing, so we could use it someday if we needed.”
“She’s going to be mad when she figures out you’re just reading it.”
“She won’t.”
“She should,” Victor said. “That’s her diary. She wrote it in Korean so no one would read it. That means she didn’t want anyone to know.”
“She didn’t want her parents to know what she was thinking because she didn’t want to get punished. But she had to vent somehow. She wrote it down so she wouldn’t get mad. It’s how she handled it. She writes it out and files it away. If she didn’t want me to read it, she wouldn’t have let me.”
Victor shoved a palm against his cheek, rubbing. “That’s not even...” He frowned. “Did she write about us?”
“No,” he said. “She gets up and runs out the door. We’re so busy; she doesn’t have time for it. She barely gets her homework done.”
Victor twisted his lips, sighing. “Maybe ...maybe we should give her some time.”
“Why don’t we just ask her who she’s interested in?” Nathan
“I love her,” Victor said flatly. “And I think she does feel that way about us. About North, too. She went with him to the hotel and then she came back and I kissed her cheek and felt her hug me and it was like... I missed her so much when she was gone and she was so happy to see me back. I can’t explain it.”
Nathan shook his head. “We’re sixteen,” he said. “We’re young and stupid and what you feel now, you may not feel when you’re older. And it isn’t normal for people to say they all love one person. I mean, that’s just weird.” He wasn’t sure why he was saying all this. He wanted to try to turn Victor off the idea, because he didn’t want to hurt Victor’s feelings, either.
When he thought of that, he got very uncomfortable. He’d been considering what to do with Sang for a while. Now, desperate to keep her, he’d been considering something he’d never thought to do before.
Quitting the Academy. Taking Sang and running off with her. Someplace they’d never find them. He knew how, because the Academy taught him how.
It was a fleeting thought. No, he wouldn’t leave the Academy. He had a better idea. He’d turn to the Academy. They would understand. If Sang joined, it wasn’t like she’d disappear forever. He could still see her. Victor’s crazy plan wouldn’t work out.
Then maybe Sang could date him like normal. They’d follow the rules. If they were honest and it seemed sensible, there was no reason for the Academy to say anything against it. Sang could still work with their team. Not all the time, but...
Victor reached out, holding up a palm as if he could quiet the wild thoughts in Nathan’s mind. “I love her so much, I’m willing to go against what’s normal, and do whatever it takes to keep her.” He stopped, staring and waiting like Nathan was supposed to respond, but he didn’t have anything to offer. Victor breathed in deeply and let out a sigh. “Because I love you, too,” he said. “And I don’t want to see this team getting broken up. Not after everything we’ve been through.”
Nathan ground his teeth, blinking at the wall. He’d heard the words from the other guys in the past, but wanted to shirk it this time, even if he felt it, too. They’d been through so much together. Like when Gabriel and Luke returned, standing up for him against his father. Like when Kota came in to help him and threw his father into the pool. They all helped him in so many ways. They were aro
und him when his own family never wanted him. They’d been this family unit for so long, and he wanted them happy, and to feel this connection he felt with all of them now.
Victor continued, “When I heard about you getting beat up by your father, I was going to come out and kill him. I feel like I want to kill him now for what he did to Sang. And if you needed to, I would have moved you into my place.”
Nathan swallowed hard, still unwilling to look at him. “What’s happening to us?” he asked.
“It’s her,” Victor said quietly. “We tried to make her part of the team, and we knew what it took. But she’s a girl. And she’s beautiful and sweet. It’s all the reasons we hung on to her and tried to get her to stay in the first place. And she fits in so well with us. I tried to talk myself out of this before, but I can’t.”
“And you love her?” Nathan asked. His fists clenched but he shoved them against his thigh, trying to pull his anger back in, because he wanted to punch him when he thought about it. He wanted to protect Sang from heartache and this was sure to cause some. He could agree she probably cared about them as well, but this was different. She’d agree with Nathan. It wasn’t normal.
Victor nodded slowly. “She does that to you. She looks at you with those eyes, and you can’t help it. And this will tear us apart unless we can agree to keep it together, to keep us together.”
Nathan shook his head, facing off with Victor again. “You’ll get over it.”
Victor blinked at him. “What?”
“It’s impossible. Never happens. Probably isn’t legal.”
“That’s not—“
“No,” Nathan said, slicing his hand through the air. He wouldn’t listen any more. “It isn’t normal. You grow up, find a girl you love, get married, make a bunch of babies and then you die. That’s how it works.”
“Not always,” Victor said, glaring at him.
“That’s how it works,” Nathan said louder. “You’re telling me your only plan is to try to get everyone to fall in love with her? Like Kota’s going to agree with this? Or Gabriel?”
“You don’t think they will?” Victor asked, a concerned expression on his face.
“They’re not idiots,” Nathan said. “Kota treats her like his own sister. I’ve seen him. He may kiss her on the head but...”
Victor seemed confused for a moment but then shook his head. “No,” he said more confidently. “He loves her. When he calls me, she’s all he talks about. I haven’t asked him yet, but I’m pretty sure.”
Nathan reeled his head back. “If Kota was in love, I’d know it.” Nathan shook his head, sighing. He wasn’t getting through to him. It was stupid. A phase. They’d never understand. “You can’t all love her,” Nathan said.
“That’s your dad talking,” Victor said. “That’s all the stuff he’s fed you since you were little. Life isn’t so simple. It isn’t normal. It’s messed up.” He pointed toward the elevator. “I’ve thought it over a million times even since we’ve been sitting her. If I could just get up and run to her, taking her with me to someplace else. I’d do it in a heartbeat if I was sure she’d go with me.”
“You’re going to kidnap her?” Nathan asked. He tried to calm his temper. It was bullshit, anyway, because he’d been thinking the same thing. But he had to get them all to listen. He had to stop this as soon as he could. “We should talk to Mr. Blackbourne,” he said. “He’ll tell you...”
“He’s the one that initiated,” Victor said quietly.
“What?”
“He told us how it would work,” Victor said. “And if we’re sure one of you guys felt like we did, we were supposed to go talk to him.”
“He’s the one that initiated the rules,” Nathan said.
“Yeah, I talked to him about that last night. The rules still stand, unless you’re willing to pay up a favor.”
