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Si
las dropped his towel on the chair by the desk, putting his keys down by the laptop. He turned to me, and I pulled myself away from staring around his room to scoop up my book bag. Would I sleep in the bed? Would his parents understand if there was a girl sleeping in his room? I knew it was unusual, and in the moment, there wasn’t a reason for us to sleep in the same room at all, as most parents would probably not allow their teenage kids to sleep together.
And where were his parents? It was a Saturday evening. Were they working? Was Silas going to make dinner for them?
Silas motioned me out of his room. He led the way a little further down the hallway and opened another door, revealing a bigger bathroom. This one had similar beige tiles to the kitchen. A shower tub was tucked into a nook.
“There’s towels in the closet,” he said. He looked down at me. “Do you need anything?”
I stared off into the bathroom, feeling chilled and a little dazed. I was a little worn out. Maybe I did need food. “Nope,” I said, putting my bag down on top of the splotchy brown marble counter.
His smile lingered on me. I felt my eyebrow going up, looking confusedly at him, unsure what he was thinking. He opened his arms up, beckoning to me. “Come here.”
I stepped close, my arms lifted. He pulled me up, lifting me by the thighs as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He kept an arm under my butt to hold me against him, his hand spread against my back. My own hands grasped the back of his neck, my fingers trailing through his smooth black hair. His bare chest pressed against me. I loved Silas’s hugs.
He tucked his nose into my neck, inhaling. “Don’t keep looking like that, Aggele.”
“Like what?”
His lips moved against my skin. “Like you’re scared. Like when I first met you.”
“I’m not scared.”
“I hope not.” He pulled back. I relaxed my arms and slid down. He held onto me until my feet touched the floor. He inched back, his arm moving to lean on the wall behind me and above my head as he hovered over me. “Trust me?”
I tried to warm my smile. “Yes.”
He smiled back, his eyes lighting up. “Take your shower. I’ll make dinner.”
My heart started to thud at the mention of a shower, but I swallowed it back so he wouldn’t think it was because of him. “What are you making?”
“You’ll see.” He shut the door.
I waited until I heard his footsteps disappear down the hall and then flicked the lock, testing the handle to make sure it worked. I didn’t think he’d walk in on me, not unless I called to him. After the other guys walked in on me before, though, I just wanted to be sure this time.
I stood shivering on the tiles as a cold rush of air swept down on me from the vent above. I hurried over to the tub. I wondered if he could hear if I bathed instead of showered. The thought of a shower sent a wave of nausea through me that told me I wouldn’t be able to do it, despite it being a different place. I knew rationally that a shower wouldn’t kill me, but even the thought of taking one, or running the water through the shower fixture was too much.
I pulled back the shower curtain and studied the bronze fixtures against the light cream tiles. It was a single knob, with arrows pointing different ways but it was unclear how to turn it on and adjust the temperature. It took some fiddling to determine which way was the warm water and I couldn’t figure out how to plug the tub to fill it. There wasn’t a lever on top of the faucet like in my own bathroom, and when I pressed on the surface of the stopper, it wouldn’t budge.
I sighed, giving up. I stripped down, picking up my soggy clothes to put on the side of the tub so they wouldn’t wet the floor too much. I stepped into the bath and cupped the water between my hands, tossing it around my body to warm it up and rinse off the chlorine I smelled in my skin. I had to bend over far to wash my hair, and I wasn’t sure I managed to get all the suds out. I shaved my legs and underarms, too, just to give myself something to do. The time alone in Silas’s bathroom gave me an opportunity to process where I was.
Excitement grew in me again like when I first learned we were going to sleep here tonight. I was at Silas’s!
When I was out of the tub and dressed in pink shorts and a button up blouse I’d meant to wear the next day, I brushed my wet hair back, twisting it into a bun and clipping it to my head. Stray locks fell out, framing my face. I tucked them back behind my ears the best I could, but Gabriel’s haircut barely allowed this, so two locks hung on either side of my face. I replaced the perfume on my wrists and neck.
I checked my phone. No new messages.
Before I could put it away, the phone vibrated in my hands. I placed it on the counter quickly, as though it could shock me like Silas’s had. I knew it couldn’t, but it was just the sudden moment and the idea that the boys could make it do so.
I checked the screen.
Nathan: You doing okay, Peanut?
Nathan was checking in? I had just seen him a little while ago. I picked up the phone to text him back.
Sang: I’m fine. How are you?
Maybe it was simple, but I didn’t know what else to add.
The phone buzzed immediately.
Nathan: Fine. Just thinking about you.
My cheeks heated, and my heart did a flip. I wanted to say something similar, something that told him I did miss him when he wasn’t around. I just didn’t want to say anything too strong, as like the other guys, he might want to come over or have me come see him, and he was working.
Sang: I’ll see you tomorrow?
Nathan: You should. Maybe tomorrow night, we’ll watch that new movie I was telling you about.
Sang: Okay.
That was all I could think to say, a promise that sometime we’d be together again. Was it enough to let him know what I was really thinking? That as much as I enjoyed being around Silas, when I wasn’t around the others, I felt each of them was missing in a way.
I hesitated, because I wanted to reach out again. I thought about Mr. Blackbourne, who invited me to text or call when I wanted, not only about the Academy. I opened a text message, intending to write to him, only I couldn’t think of what to say. I was compelled to say something, anything. I don’t know why, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to reach out to him in a way I hadn’t done so before. I didn’t want too much time to pass before I did.
In a way, too, I was worried. After earlier today with Mr. Hendricks, I felt like Mr. Blackbourne was the one that was targeted. It was like if I kept in touch with him, I’d feel he was safe.
I sat on the counter and typed quickly.
Sang: Are you busy?
It was the only thing I could think to ask. It felt easier to text than to call him. I feared I’d hesitate to speak or stumble on the line and he’d think it a waste of time.
A message came back almost immediately.
Mr. Blackbourne: I’m not busy. Did you need something?
I hesitated again, as I still didn’t have anything to say, and the only questions that felt safe to ask were about the Academy.
I sucked in a breath, trying to think of something to talk about that he’d want to hear.
And then I stopped that train of thought. Maybe that was the problem.
What did I want to talk to him about?
I went through a number of questions: favorite color, what he was thinking, where his house was, trying to find one that didn’t feel too awkward. I couldn’t figure out where to start.
Before I could come up with something, the phone buzzed to life in my hands.
Mr. Blackbourne: Will you be joining us tomorrow? I think it’s time we found something appropriate for you to wear for the homecoming dance. Your favorite color is pink, isn’t it?
My heart leapt and I jumped from foot to foot, trying to release the sudden surge of excitement. The way he asked me set off so many more questions. He’d be there personally? Would I have to pick out a dress? He knew my favorite color? What about all those security issues?
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p; I couldn’t mention the security, so I had to leave that part and other Academy questions out.
Sang: Yes, I like pink. I didn’t realize I’d be going.
Mr. Blackbourne: You’ll go. You should probably attend with Silas, or would you prefer to go with someone else?
My heart started to settle. If Silas and I were dating, I should technically go with him to a school event. Would all the other boys go, too? He wanted to know my preference.
Sang: It is probably best I attend with Silas, isn’t it?
Mr. Blackbourne: If you want to change that dynamic, I’ll make the arrangements.
A little bit of the fluttering returned. It sounded more like he was wondering what my choice would be if I could pick. I didn’t know how to respond.
Sang: They’ll all be going, won’t they?
Mr. Blackbourne: They should all be there.
Sang: Do they have homecoming at...
I couldn’t finish that sentence but I hoped he understood I wasn’t trying to divulge any Academy secrets. It was the more I learned about it, the more I understood the Academy wasn’t just any school, but how far did that go?
Mr. Blackbourne: That’s a good point. I’ll have to make sure they have a proper experience. We should all attend.
Did they not have a traditional homecoming? Nathan and the others had seemed interested in participating in certain school events, even if we didn’t have the time to fully appreciate everything. Even if the school was dangerous, things like football games and clubs and dances were still held. It made me wonder if the Academy was so great, how come they didn’t have something that seemed so normal as a homecoming game and dance?
Sang: It sounds like fun.
Mr. Blackbourne: I’ll make the arrangements.
Sang: Thank you.
Mr. Blackbourne: Thank you.
I held onto the phone, waiting to see if he’d say anything else, but there was nothing. When enough time stretched out that I didn’t think he’d respond at all, I put the phone away.
