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“Thank you,” I said. I stood, waiting for her cue to leave.

She watched as I rose from the couch, studying me. She nodded quietly. “This will be a long road,” she said. “But you’re not alone. Not like I was. I hope I can be of some help.”

“I’m just not sure what to do,” I said, revealing the worry I had most often. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“I know,” she said. She lifted a hand and clasped mine that was still holding her card. “I’m here to tell you, it’s okay to love them in your own way, and in your own time. And for them to love you in return. Things may change over time. Some may move on, or come back. If they love you, they’ll always remain in your heart and nearby. It works out. It always does.”

I was stiff as she touched me. My nerves were acting up, but I held onto the card. It felt like the key to answers. I had so many questions.

She released me and turned toward the door. She stopped midway and then faced me again. “One thing,” she said. “Tell your Mr. Blackbourne you’re working with me. He’ll probably approve, but you don’t need to keep secrets from him. I know it’s hard.”

“He wants to find out about my real mother,” I said. “About the past. But I want to work on us and joining the Academy.”

She breathed in sharply through her teeth. “You’ve cut right to the heart of it. It’s good to do that. Really... Actually, you’re right. You should work on you first.” She folded her arms together in front of her stomach and leaned forward a little to look me in the eyes. “Yes,” she said. “Family first. However, the Academy will want to know about your past, and will tell you that you should know, too. Hiding in the dark isn’t what we do.”

I looked at her, terrified of her answer. “The Academy will want to know?”

She nodded. “You should know before they do,” she said. “Because you don’t want them to find out and learn something that will get you to change your mind about joining the team you’ve got, or joining the Academy altogether. They want you to be fully aware of the options you’ve got, the choices that are out there, and if this is what you really want. It’s the fight we all go through with them. We know our past so we’re sure our future is what we want.”

A future with them was what I wanted. Couldn’t they understand? I raced for something to say for her, feeling rushed and not ready to leave when I needed someone to understand I wasn’t ready for the past. There had to be another way. Hadn’t she been listening when I told her my mother was dead, and my stepmother had accused my father of raping her? I’d talked so quickly, I couldn’t remember. She needed to understand. They all did. I didn’t want to know.

“Talk to Mr. Blackbourne,” she said. She stood taller and headed for the door. “Tell him what you’ve told me. You want to work on your team for now. You want to deal with the past later. He might just agree with you. Eventually, though, you’ll have to face it. It might be better if your team was all on your side and you were sure about the others. First things first.”

Terror struck through me, a sharp blade slicing tiny cuts into my heart. Mr. Blackbourne had to have known. It was why he had sought answers without asking me. The Academy would want to know, and would want me to know. He was going to find those answers for me.

Nothing could change my mind about the team, though. Knowing Lily was here with her team, I knew it was possible. I didn’t need to know the details of her past to understand it must have been complicated. The marks on her arm, the cautious way the guys guarded her, like Gabriel and Luke guarded me, told me that they were family. Like the boys were my family. They’d been through so much, and it had bonded them.

I was part of my team. I needed to get them on my side before my past came up to the Academy somehow.

Before we looked at it together, and might discover some reason for me to not join. Before they found out I wasn’t good enough somehow.

I held onto the card she gave me as she left the room and I followed.

I wasn’t sure how I knew it, but as I walked out of that library, I knew I’d return. I had questions I needed answers to, questions I hadn’t come up with yet. The thoughts running through me were overwhelming.

Together meant more than I’d ever imagined.

LIFE CHANGES

The sun was setting as Luke drove through the streets and headed back to the city.

“You were talking to her for a long time,” Gabriel said. “What’d you all talk about?”

How much did they know? Was I supposed to tell them what Lily told me? I thought I could at least be general. “She was helping me understand what I had to do to join the Academy.”

“Oh,” Gabriel said. He looked at Luke. Luke shared a look back. “How much did she tell you?”

I blinked. I’d been lost in thought from the time we left Lily’s house. I was thinking of her, of her team, of the library. Wondering how she got there, how her team managed to stay together. I was trying to figure out how I could mimic her. I hadn’t thought that the boys might have had a similar conversation with Henry, William and the others. “How much did they tell you?” I asked.

The boys looked at each other again, sharing a silent conversation. In a snap, their heads faced the windshield, focused ahead. Gabriel folded his arms across his chest. Luke gripped the wheel. “Nothing,” they said together.

Quiet followed. There was an intensity between them. Had the men told them something similar to what Lily told me, or something different?

Or did they not like what they heard?

The concept was momentous. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I understood it in a general sense, but it wasn’t reality to me. Lily and her team were together. Together together. They were okay with it. They were standing right in front of me, in their home that they shared. One girl, a handful of guys.

While the discovery of having to figure out my past had been startling, and had thrown me off, it wasn’t until we were in the car and we were on our way back that I couldn’t stop thinking of how they were together.

It wasn’t dissimilar to how I was around the guys when they were together. Why did it strike me as so crazy now?

Maybe because it was in a way that I wasn’t really willing to look at fully yet. They weren’t just friends living together. They were romantically involved with each other. The men with her.

They wanted her, and not another girl. They were willing to share.

It went against every romance novel I’d ever read, every romantic twist in movies. Even if there was a love triangle of sorts, the heroine always ended up with one.

This wasn’t normal.

I glanced at Gabriel. He’d sunk down low in his seat, staring out the window, his hands deep in his pockets. He was deeply lost in his own thoughts.

Luke drove. I saw some of his face in the mirror, but when I’d lean over to see his eyes, he would lean over the steering wheel, or shift to the side, avoiding my eyes.

I lowered my head, too scared to say anything.

I pulled my phone out, and realized I’d left messages from Silas, Nathan and Mr. Blackbourne unanswered. I was embarrassed then, realizing they might be worried or thinking I was ignoring them all. If they only knew…

While Luke was driving, I sent replies to all three in order.

Sang: Silas, miss you, too. Hanging out with Luke and Gabriel. Hope your day was okay.

Sang: With Luke and Gabriel. Not sure where we’re headed next. I’ll ask.

Sang: Sorry I didn’t answer before, Mr. Blackbourne. Sunday breakfasts sounds fine. Maybe we should work on a schedule like you mentioned.

I waited for a long moment, trying to think of something else to say to him and then thought of Lily and simply came out with what she said. If I didn’t say it now, I’d hold it inside me forever. I couldn’t keep a secret from him. Not when he might be able to help me process this.

Sang: I’ll need to talk with you about meeting Lily. We went to go see her. I’m sorry if we weren?

?t supposed to.

Sang: She said I should tell you I met with her and her team today: four men and a woman. She wanted to help me get into the Academy and stay on your team.

Sang: And she said we should focus on us for now, and worry about the past later.

That seemed to be easier to say when I was saying it was Lily’s idea.

Mr. Blackbourne was the only one to respond right away.

Mr. Blackbourne: We’ve got a lot to talk about. Tomorrow.

My heart was in my throat, but I agreed with him. There was a lot to talk about. Exhaustion settled into me. I put my phone away and pushed a palm to my chest. The whirlwind of emotions were making it impossible to think clearly.

Luke stretched in his seat. “I’m going to have to go back. North’s at the diner. He needs me to take over for the evening.”

“He needs to sleep,” I said.

“Like I can make him do anything,” Luke said.

“Taking her back?” Gabriel asked. “Let’s see if Nathan will let me...”

“Can I stay with you, Gabriel?” I asked quickly. I needed him more than ever in the moment. I needed to know what he learned from the others, and thought some time together would work. I needed to process all of it before I went back to Nathan and the others. Nathan would know if I was trouble. Kota would know. How could I look them in the eyes and figure out a lie and not tell them the truth about this?

They both turned their heads to look at me, Luke through the rearview mirror and Gabriel by turning fully in his seat.

“Shit, at my house?” Gabriel asked.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because it’s a crap hole,” he said.

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