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“Same way as his?” she asked.
I glanced quickly at Luke, who was nodding at me. If he said it was good, I’d at least give it a try.
“Yes, please,” I said to the waitress.
“And you have the mocha iced coffees, right?” Luke asked.
The lady scribbled on her notebook. “Of course.”
“Then she’ll want one of those. Me, too.”
The waitress looked at me to confirm.
I nodded. I wasn’t sure if it would be the same as the Frappuccinos I was used to. I was going by Luke’s eager eyes. He seemed to really like this place.
“I guess I’ll get the same thing she’s getting,” Gabriel said. “I can’t just have pancakes by themselves right now, or I’ll go to sleep.”
The waitress collected the menus and left us alone. We sat quietly in our booth for a bit, fiddling with water glasses. Gabriel tried to fix his hair, having me hold up his phone to use as a mirror. Luke picked up my feet, took off the flip-flops and massaged my toes in his lap.
I was sitting back, trying not to fall asleep. I pulled my phone out, turning it in my hands, touching the scratches on the back. I turned it on to look at the screen and turned it back off. I had a feeling the boys were fidgeting to keep themselves awake. I was starting to do that, too. “That football game was crazy,” I said, talking to keep myself from nodding off. “I’m sore and tired, and I didn’t even play much.”
“We played nearly the whole time,” Gabriel said. “Next time, I want to coach.”
“Yeah, but the kids have more fun when we play,” Luke said.
Gabriel smirked. He nudged me. “Last year, I braided one of the girls’ hair because she was worried the boys would pull it. Then next thing I knew, I was out the entire game braiding hair. Girls and boys because some of them wanted it. I’m glad they forgot about it this time. My fingers were stiff for a week.”
“And yet you still go out for Black Friday,” I said with a tired, but playful groan.
“Trouble,” he said dramatically. “I promise you, you’ll thank me. Getting gifts for the umpteen-shit-ton people we have to get presents for is hard work. I love shopping, but fucking god damn Christmas is a bitch.”
“There can’t be that many to get,” I said in surprise, and then turned to Luke. I knew he was exaggerating, but I wanted to know what I was in for.”
Luke started to count on his fingers. “The ten of us plus Uncle, Pam, Erica and Jessica...”
Gabriel raised his fingers to add to the count. They weren’t really counting, they were just holding up more fingers at every point they made. “Dr. Roberts…we should get something for him. And some of the people at the diner, right? Tony?”
“Uncle will take care of Tony,” Luke said. “But then there’s Jasmine and George?”
“Ugh,” Gabriel said, shaking his head. “Should we even bother?”
“I don’t know,” Luke said. “It feels wrong to ignore them.”
“They ignore us,” Gabriel said. “We can get Charlie something.”
The continued adding to the list of people, becoming more animated as they discussed who they wanted to give gifts to. Some of the people they talked about, I hadn’t met yet.
My father usually bought my sister and me gifts at Christmas. My stereo had been one of them. He occasionally purchased books and new clothes. One year when the television had broken during the summer, he bought a new one at Christmas and claimed it was gift for everyone.
That was it for Christmas. He allowed Marie and me to decorate a small fake tree, with the same old Christmas decorations every year, though it never felt very festive. Marie and I never exchanged gifts with each other. Our mother received chocolates or a new bathrobe.
She eventually got a smaller television for her room.
Would our father send gifts this year? Should I get one for him? I wondered.
“Marie,” I said quietly over their discussion. “And my stepmother.”
The boys grew quiet and both looked at me.
“Sang,” Gabriel said. “Are you sure about your stepmom? She’d never get you anything.”
“I don’t want to leave her out,” I said. “She’ll be in the hospital for Christmas, won’t she? I can give it to Marie to give to her. I don’t know if she’d accept it if she knew it was from me.” Maybe she didn’t deserve it, but she was sick, and had been through a lot. It seemed wrong to exclude her, when her husband was gone, and she only had Marie now. Would Marie think to get her anything? Or would she be able to?
Luke and Gabriel shared a glance, a silent conversation I didn’t bother to try to interpret.
“We’ll have to come up with something,” Luke said quietly.
Gabriel nodded solemnly. “We’ll find something nice.”
I swallowed a little bit of emotion, too tired to quell it entirely.
But then, excitement started to spark inside me. Once I’d gotten gifts for my sister, stepmother, and my dad out of the way, there were the boys to think about. What sort of gifts did you get for nine different, wonderful people who could get whatever they wanted for themselves?
I wished the boys had prepared me for this. It would have been nice to have had time to think about what they would all want, or to listen for hints of things they were thinking about getting. My mind was blank for ideas. I hoped I’d find something that would jar my brain and make sense. Maybe when I saw the perfect gifts, I’d know.
Our food finally arrived. For a while, we were quiet as we ate. Luke stole one of my pieces of bacon. I tried my pancakes with the whipped cream, and was about to eat it without syrup until I noticed Luke grab the jar and drizzle a lot, right on top of the whipped cream. I tried his method, and the result was a delicious sugar rush.
The coffee was more coffee and less milk and mocha than what I was used to, but it was still good and I drank it all. By the time we left the diner, I was full to almost bursting and buzzing at the same time. My skin prickled and my spine quivered with energy.
“God damn, Sang,” Gabriel said as we walked toward the car, watching me move. He put a hand on my neck, steadying me. “Are you going to bounce off the walls?”
Bright laughter sprung from Luke. “Sang’s going to run a marathon with that energy. Might have been a bit too much sugar.”
“She needs water,” Gabriel said. “Fuck, Luke. She’s not you. She can’t have sugary pancakes and coffee.”
We got in the car and then Luke stopped at a gas station to fill up the Jeep. We used the time to get dressed properly in the bathrooms. Luke bought each of us a water. I was so full, I wasn’t sure I could down some, but once I got a sip, I was able to take several larger sips, slightly calming my sugar buzz.
By the time we got to downtown, I was awake, although now uncomfortably full. I was looking forward to walking so I could work off some of the food and expel the energy.
Gabriel checked the time on the dashboard and then on his phone. “Hurry, we’re late.”
Along the way, while everyone was quiet, I stole glances at Luke. I considered the masks, and found it strange he would post them again on the windows.
He didn’t say anything about it now. Kota didn’t either. I haven’t had a chance to ask Luke directly.
Gabriel hadn’t said anything about it, either.
I wondered what was going on. If Kota said it was okay I joined them, would this be an opportunity to talk about everything?
Maybe even the plan?
If Luke was stressed out about the plan, maybe this might help. Being out with Gabriel didn’t seem like he or Gabriel got jealous. Maybe it would help him picture what life might be like in the future with all of us.
I knew it helped me, knowing the two of them knew about this plan, and yet here we were, like we’ve been before. We were hanging out, up to a little minor mischief. Luke had rubbed my feet. Gabriel took care of me. Neither of them seemed at odds about it.
Maybe that’s what I needed.
Maybe that’s what they all needed. To be next to each other when I was around, and goofing off, and then realize it was okay. If they were calm and comfortable and happy, then maybe I, too, could learn to relax.
I was starting to get that way before I knew about the plan. Maybe that was what I needed to feel more confident about making the plan work for us.
Close to midnight, Luke pulled into a parking lot at the mall I was familiar with. We’d been there before for clothes shopping.
The parking lot was jam-packed filled with cars and people heading toward the doors. The interior looked open. I could see the inside of the food court from when we drove by. Clusters of shoppers were standing around it, looking on toward shops.
“How much money did I actually bring?” I asked. “I’ll have to divide it out evenly.”
“We’ll take care of Charlie and Pam and all of them,” Luke said. “Just think of your sister and mom.”
That sounded reasonable, but then I thought of Luke and Gabriel. How could I get them something if they were right here?
We got out of the car and I folded my arms across my stomach as we stepped into the cool air. Even with the light jacket I wore, the chill was stronger. Awake, I was feeling the cold more than before. “I should have picked up a thicker jacket.”
“We’ll be inside soon,” Gabriel said, stretching after he got out of the car. He was wearing a black sweater, but with a bright green T-shirt sticking out the edges, making his outfit look more punk than formal. “And it’ll be hot. You’ll want to get back outside.”
Luke had on a blue jacket, and wore a nice pair of jeans and boots. Everything was clean, but he was still casual.
