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Minutes passed and Victor soothed me with his fingers tracing against my ribs, and his head ducked down slowly against my brow.
Silence fell around us.
His lips quietly puckered against my skin. I closed my eyes. I tried to settle my excited heart, wanting to sleep and yet now awake.
I was gripping slightly at his chest as I was relaxing, and then uncurled my hands so my palms were against his chest.
Victor’s head ducked. He slid his lips over until they were by my cheek. “Sang,” he whispered.
“Victor,” I breathed, surprised. Were my movements keeping him awake? I blinked repeatedly, my eyelashes traced against his collarbone.
His palm brushed back my hair that had fallen against my face. He shifted and tilted his head until his lips met my cheek, close to my jaw. “When we get home, I’ll take you to the spa again. Want to do that?”
In his arms, I would have agreed to anything. He understood me.
I remembered the time we’d gone to the spa. “If we go, let’s do something we can do together. Last time we went, Adam did my hair and everything. It was nice but I hardly ever saw you.”
“Sang,” he whispered, breathing against my face. His lips moved again, but he didn’t say anything I could understand. His fingers traced my face, sliding until they caught the edge of my mouth. His thumb slid over my lower lip.
Out of instinct, I kissed the tip of it.
I could barely see anything other than the outline of his face in the dimness, but watched as he brought his thumb to his own lips, kissing where I had just a second before. I stared at him, confused though I sensed it meant something to him.
He reached down inside the sleeping bag for my hand, finding a forefinger. He brought it to his mouth. I was tempted to draw it back, thinking of Nathan and how he wouldn’t like anyone to bite my fingers like he did.
Instead, Victor simply kissed the tip of it. He kissed it again before pulling it away, guiding it and pressing it to my own lips.
He leaned in and then whispered. “I won’t be able to kiss you this week with other people around, not directly, but maybe we could get away with this.”
My heart raced thinking of this week and the Academy and wondering if us kissing fingers would be sneaky enough to get away with. Maybe, if we were careful.
He’d been thinking about how to kiss me. The thought of it thrilled me through to my heart.
I feared we were already being too loud and I wanted a quick kiss before settling in to sleep. I wanted to thank him for being good to me when the others had teased. I drifted a hand up to the back of his neck, catching the gentle waves of his hair in my fingers as I held him and drew him closer.
He leaned closer at my bidding, lowering his face. His lips missed my mouth, kissing my cheek, his mouth warm on my skin. He cupped a hand under my chin, drawing my face up.
The cot creaked.
“Victor,” Kota called.
Victor remained dead silent, his face an inch from mine. His breath fell against my face.
“Victor,” Kota said. “Go find North.”
“He’s not lost,” Victor said. His lips were so close. I held my breath, waiting, wanting the kiss a moment ago and now frozen.
My heart thundered. Had he just told Kota no? What was worse was that if Kota was looking at us, he might be able to tell Victor was hovering so close over me.
Did he know? Could he see?
“Please go get North,” Kota said. Even though he’d said please, there was the tone of command behind it.
Victor lifted his head, looking over mine. I was sure he was looking at Kota. As if in protest, Victor landed a kiss on my forehead, letting his lips linger.
My heart exploded, sure Kota would have seen if he was looking this way at all. We were supposed to be getting Kota on our side. Why was Victor acting so defiantly?
“Victor,” Kota said.
Victor grunted, released me, and sighed. I had to shuffle to the side so he could yank the zipper open. I pulled myself out of the way, but still got a waft of cold against my skin.
Victor started to zip me in, but I touched his hand, urging him on and not worry. He stumbled over me, stuffed his feet into shoes, and walked out into the night after North.
“Sang,” Kota said after Victor’s footsteps faded away. “Come here.”
I blushed in the darkness, so hotly I was sure my cheeks would glow. He’d told Victor to go away. If Kota was really worried about North, he would have gone himself, or he could have sent anyone else. He had sent Victor for a reason. I could only assume he knew what Victor had been doing, and had seen that last kiss.
Guilt sent a gentle shudder through my body. Could Kota understand? Maybe I was too late.
I took forever to go to him.
The silence in the tent was thick and too quiet. I had a feeling they were all awake and knew. They were all waiting to hear what Kota would say.
When I finally reached Kota, he held open his bag. When my legs were inside next to his, he zipped us up and settled in next to me.
I started to turn toward him to look at him, ready to face the consequences, when he stopped me by grabbing my arms. “Nope. You’ve done enough tonight. You turn that way,” he said.
My heart was going a thousand miles a minute, but I obeyed him, afraid to do anything else. He nudged me until my back was against him. When I was settled, he turned himself, so his back was against mine. It was obvious he wasn’t going to talk to me about anything.
I stared off at the wall of the tent, doubly embarrassed. I was angry again with Gabriel for breaking my tent and drawing me into theirs. I blamed Silas and Nathan and Luke for not telling me my bag was heated, and North for running out.
I couldn’t blame Victor at all. He was the one who had understood and tried to make things better but had made a mistake with Kota.
Embarrassment blazed through me, heating me from the inside. Was Kota was angry with me?
I wanted to fix it and yet I didn’t have the guts to say anything now. And if I did, what would I say?
He’d brought me into his sleeping bag, so he wanted me near him, but since he was turned away, I had no idea what to do. Maybe he was only angry that I had made so much noise he couldn’t sleep. He was the one who’d said we all needed sleep if we were going to make it through tomorrow.
And if that’s all he was concerned over, then did he not care that Victor had kissed my forehead in front of him like that?
I told myself over and over again that I was too stressed out to understand anything. I tried my best to sleep, staring until my eyes closed. I didn’t hear North and Victor return, but I must have dozed for a few minutes because, at one point, I turned onto my back to get comfortable and saw their forms on their cots.
Through my tired frustration, I ended up facing Kota’s back, cuddling close for warmth but trying not to make it obvious. My body was still, but inside, I was agonizing over everything that had happened today, at my own silly pride and then Victor’s kiss and how Kota probably thought I was ridiculous like he said.
I could have insisted I stay near him. I could have asked him for a minute and talked to him. Was it too late now?
When he turned over some time later and faced me with closed eyes, I remembered what I was supposed to be facing away from him.
“Sorry,” I whispered, starting to flip over.
His hand found my arm, holding me and preventing me from moving. “Relax,” he said.
I settled on my back stiffly, afraid to do anything. He wrapped an arm around my stomach, his hand holding my side. He drew his other arm around, tucking his bicep was under my head. He snuggled in close until his nose was nuzzled against my cheek.
His breath tickled the side of my face. I stayed still for as long as I could but wanted to turn toward him. I did it slowly, unsure because before he wanted me the other way and now it felt like he wanted me close. If I turned my head just right, we would have been nose to nose.
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But he didn’t move. He was letting me choose where I wanted to be now. Why had it been a problem earlier?
When I was finally facing him, I could see his eyes were half open. He gazed down at me, his lips curled up in the corner. Without his glasses, his face was softer, losing his commanding expression. This was just Kota now: human, my friend...or something closer.
I wanted to ask if I’d upset him, but he didn’t seem upset now. I looked at his nose, his lips, his cheek. I wasn’t looking for anything particular; I was avoiding his searching glances, him silently asking me questions I didn’t know the answers to. I couldn’t stand how he looked into my eyes for so long, seeing right into every corner of me.
“Are you ever going to sleep?” he whispered.
Now that he’d asked, I realized I’d been hopping from bed to bed, disrupting everyone and unable to rest. While I was tired, I was too wound up to sleep.
I sighed softly, shaking my head. Maybe camping wasn’t for me but the least I could do was lie still for him so he could sleep.
