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He nodded and then looked out at the ocean again. “If you’re sure.”

“Of course,” I said, at first thinking he meant the heater, but then realizing he was talking about himself. I dipped my head again until my nose brushed against North’s jacket. “If you want to.”

“I do want to,” he said, although his voice was soft, distant.

He continued staring out at the water, not saying anything else.

Unsure, I leaned into him, worried, waiting.

He opened up then, moving his arm back around my shoulders, leaning against me while he stared out into the darkness. “If you think you might sleep, we can try going back. Just for tonight, we’ll sleep in the big tent.”

I wanted him to be able to sleep, and I thought I’d have an easier time of it since we had been able to talk. I still needed to let one of the others know and to pass the word along, what was happening and why. But that could wait for morning.

He stood up and reached for me. I put my hand in his.

I thought we’d start toward the tent, but Kota continued to stand still and looked at me. It had been an intense conversation, and I sensed there was more that he wanted to say. I was terrified of doing something wrong at this point, so didn’t want to ask. So much had happened and deep down I knew we weren’t really being open about what we were thinking.

Was he going to say something now? I waited, holding my breath.

“Ready?” was all he asked.

I shrugged and nodded, unsure of what else to do or say.

Afraid to break this truce we’d found where both of us swallowed back our unspoken feelings.

THE ACADEMY, INSIDE

I didn’t wake up the next morning until Kota was shaking me hard.

“Sang,” he called from above me. “I can’t let you sleep in anymore. We’ll be late.”

Late? For school? Once I’d finally fallen asleep, I’d slept deeply and couldn’t remember anything. I sat up quickly, trying to figure out where my clothes were and what we were late for.

The shock of cold as he unzipped my sleeping bag woke me quickly. The sun streaming through the mesh windows reminded me where I was. But as I looked around, I noticed the tent was empty, except for Kota and me. Cots were made up, things were put away. I didn’t hear any shuffling outside.

“Am I late?” I rubbed my eyes.

“No,” he said. He sat down on the cot we’d shared the night before. He reached for my leg and rubbed my knee. He wore another green sweater and jeans and without a coat. “I wanted you to get a few more hours’ sleep. The others have been up finishing the map and making copies for everyone else. Some other teams have already started to arrive.”

Other teams. Would I appear lazy after having slept in so much? “Sorry,” I said as I stood, wavering on an uneven patch of ground.

Kota grabbed my elbows, steadying me. Grateful, I looked up at him. That was when I noticed the dog tag he wore around his neck, the one engraved with the heart curve formula that I’d given him. I’d never seen him wear it until now.

“Calm down,” he said with a smile. His eyes were clear, the green bright. When I was steady, he slowly shifted his palms up my arms to my neck and massaged. “What do you need, sweetie?”

My eyebrows lifted as I thought of where to start. “Clothes...I guess.”

“I’ll get them,” he said, still holding me for a moment. “Just stand here. Do you want your bathroom kit?”

I nodded.

He released me slowly and then turned to a small collection of items in the corner of the tent. I recognized the pink camping gear, the stereo and other items from my broken tent.

He found clothes and then the kit, and pulled them from the collection, along with a towel. Then he plucked out my coat and a pair of boots. “You might wear these just over to the latrine,” he said. “It’s getting a little warmer today.”

I listened, but I wasn’t completely paying attention to what he was saying. I was much more interested in his movements, at the way he smiled and how his features were all lit up. “Did something happen?” I asked.

“Happen?” One of his brown eyebrows cocked as he turned to me. He put down most of the things on the cot so he could hold the coat open for me. “No, nothing in particular. I saved you some breakfast. I hope you like oatmeal.”

I shrugged. “I’ve never had oatmeal,” I said, sliding my arms into the coat.

“Really?” he said, and his smile lifted more. He picked up one of my boots to help me get into them. “You’ll have to let me know if you like it.”

“Okay.”

When I turned to pick up the items to go to the latrine, he scooped them up quickly. “It’s okay. I’ve got these. I’ll walk you over.”

I bit my lower lip. I was glad he was so happy, but also curious. He had been so gloomy this last week, worried about me. Even yesterday, when we were walking back to the tent, he seemed a little on edge. What had changed?

Did he figure out a solution to keeping me on the team with the Academy? Maybe he had an answer now.

I tried not to think too much on it, but I couldn’t help but let his happy nature affect me. As we stepped out of the tent and walked to the latrine, I held his elbow as he carried my things. I didn’t say anything, but studied the clear blue sky, and checked the surroundings for signs of other teams.

I didn’t see anyone at all until we got close to the latrines.

Then I heard the very distinct sound of showers running.

I stopped dead just as Kota passed me my things to go inside the girl’s restroom.

He paused in his movements, stopped, turned his head to the latrine and then looked again at me. “It’s probably just Taylor and the others in there. Or another team. Don’t worry. It’s just Academy people right now. No one else is here. No need to be afraid.”

I hadn’t even thought about who might be in the bathroom. The shower was loud, echoey, unavoidable.

I don’t have to go into the shower, I repeated to myself. I didn’t have to go anywhere near the shower this week and Kota and the others wouldn't even notice. I’d wash my hair in the sink at some point.

I held my things against my body, leaving Kota outside as I entered.

I couldn’t see who was in the shower, but April, the girl who had worn brown yesterday, was at one of the sinks, brushing her teeth. She wore brown again today: a long skirt with boots and a sweater. She gave me a quick wave and turned back to her sink to spit. “Morning,” she mumbled. She stood up straight and wiped her face with her towel. “Up late?”

I nodded and then swallowed. I had to make an effort to get along. “Yeah,” I said, although then I didn’t know what else to say.

I headed to one of the stalls and hung up my things on the hook before using the toilet and then changing. I wanted to finish up quickly and get back out to Kota. I smelled fruity shampoo, and the overpowering the dank damp of the latrine.

The shower turned off and then I heard Taylor’s voice. “If I were concerned about the boys being perverts, I’d be worried about this bare window in here,” she said. “This is an awesome camp shower, though.”

“For now,” April said, and I heard the scratch and swish of a hairbrush. “Wait until there’s a hundred girls in here this weekend. There’s only two latrines, and the other one is over near where the campers are, and that’s a good long walk.” Pause. “Uh...what’s your name...sorry? Sang, right?”

“Yeah?” I called, surprised she was talking to me.

“Did you want a shower?”

No. But did I want to sound like I was gross and wouldn’t shower? How was I going to get through a week of not using a shower? “I...”

“I wouldn’t take one right now. I’m pretty sure I used up all that hot water,” Taylor said.

“Darn it, Taylor. You can’t do that this week.”

That might be my answer. If I made sure to come in later in the morning, I could say there was no hot water left and had

to wash up in the sink. I finished up, dressing quickly.

When I left the stall, wearing the clothes Kota had picked out for me—jeans, a pink sweater, and boots that were fuzzy on the inside—April was leaning against one of the sinks, cleaning her brown glasses with a wipe. Taylor had come out and was wearing tight jeans and a long gray sweater that was bulky and covered her butt, and a fuzzy pair of boots. She focused on the mirror, leaning over the sink, brushing her teeth. Even without makeup, she was still very pretty. She had supplies surrounding her, taking up her sink and the sink next to her.

One of the two girls was wearing some sort of flowery, potpourri-like scent that was a little overpowering. I suspected April since Taylor had just washed. I went one sink away from Taylor’s.

I thought of Gabriel, and missed his expertise and wished he was there to brush my hair and even make his little demands about my clip.

I started washing my hands and face, thinking if I took long enough, Taylor would finish and then the girls would leave.

However, when Taylor finished tying her brown hair back into a ponytail and swiping on lip gloss, she just stopped and looked at me. She seemed to be waiting for something. “Going to walk with us?” she said.

“Uh, I think Kota’s waiting for me,” I said, giving her what I hoped was a nice smile. “If you’d like to go ahead...”

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